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Thank you everyone for your support and love.....it was a very emotional day yesterday after I received that and I am still in a little bit of shock over it. Normally, H's family acknowledges nothings so that she messaged me at all means they are stewing (and spewing) pretty badly.

KML I think that response was very well thought out and composed but the problem lies in the fact that my in-laws (M, F and S x 3) are all severely depressed and emotionally stunted. I would have an easier time convincing the TV of my innocence than them. If they, who see and interact with their brother daily, cannot understand the ramifications of the decisions he has made then how am I, the outsider, ever going to convince them to see the light? It's almost like a third party, far removed from the situation, would have to say "seriously, WTF you guys?!?!? he left" but, it cannot be me.

When SIL #1 up and left her H (and 2 of her 3 children) she didn't take anything. Got a buy out on the house and that was it. Thought it was better. When SIL #3 left her common law (of 10 years) she took nothing and got a buy out on the house. It was almost like they did it to prove how they are not about the money. Please, don't think I'm about the money, but what I am about is protecting my kids and that means I get what I'm entitled to for them. My concern is not for where H is sleeping but where my children are sleeping. If he can't eat then they need to have him to dinner because NEVER once have they (well, SIL #2 did a couple of times early on) checked to ensure that their brother was providing for his children. They have never asked how I manage to pay the mortgage, and the bills, and put new winter coats and boots on their bodies while making sure they eat......if someone is going to call someone "disgusting" it's sure not going to be directed at the woman ensuring the kids are OK.

I'm sorry to say it also may stem from jealousy.......they just don't like my family. They've said how we think we're better than them (we never have!!!) Both immigrant families (H and I are both first generation born in Canada) both families came with nothing. Both have struggled immensely. Differences.....decisions made. Not running when things got tough. Setting solid foundations. Making education a priority and not an option. Going without. My family is crazy but we know it, we own it, and we DEAL with it. SIL #1 has three sons older than my S19.....they live at home, no schooling, no jobs, smoking pot and she buys their cigarettes and no one seems to say UMMMMMM. SIL #2 married with an alcoholic that has left (a couple of days each time) her and have not slept in the same bed for years. SIL #3 lives with a man that is emotionally and mentally abusive to the point she feels worthless. All their children suffer from anxiety and/or depression. SIL #1 oldest suffers from psychophrenia

My in-laws are broken people creating more broken people and I'm in my corner of the world doing my best to break the cycle for my boys......if they cannot see it then the best I can do is keep the candle lit and hope that one day they'll see the light.

At this point I truly feel my best option is silence BUT if any of them send me any other nasty messages, or if they dare send one to one of my boys again, I will speak up and it'll be the mamma bear that responds. Firstly, H will be asked, politely, to call off the family and then I will ask my dad for more money and get my lawyer on the case because that $hit won't happen again.......I've told my H over the years I may not be the one to start something but if I need to I'll finish it and if they attack me or my kids again I'll finish it before they've even realized I've started.


GEESH.....apparently, I needed to get that out.......thanks for the ear guys:)

It does sometimes help to get it out. Right now, it feels like you need to defend yourself. You don't. Whatever the reason H left, you both did have your own issues, but that doesn't excuse his behavior. Not by a long shot.
Truer words have never been spoken.

I know I fought that urge to defend for a long time. My ex still does. I learned there's no reason. I also learned that you're right - it would be easier to convince the TV than anyone else. I'm in the camp that says don't respond. Don't suffer a fool like that. It just makes you one.

On the other hand, vent here. We've walked in your shoes and know what it's like.

Give it time. The time to tell the story will come later. Possibly much later, but the truth always comes out at some point.

Happy to see how hard you're working. Keep it up!

Peace,
AJ

Thanks AJM......the truth always comes out in the end. My patience will be rewarded without me ever having to utter a word.

So weird little side note.....H has unblocked me on FB (so we're not friends but I can search him again and the photos I had him tagged in he is tagged in again....which are family photos including ones of the four of us) He still has everyone else blocked and SIL #2 has friend requested my mom......really?!?!?!

they really are odd ducks

I've been wondering....should I untag him from all my photos now that they're back on his profile? What's he up to??

WR,
I would leave things be on FB for a while. It's evident that there is a mind playing game going on. One that has him and his family messing w/your head, heart and feelings. Continue as you have been until after everything has been finalized. Then, and only then, if you want to do something different on FB do it.

As for your inlaw wanting to friend your mother, well that's just plain crazy right now. There's no telling why she wants to be friends on FB w/your mother, but you never know...she may be wanting to gain info from your mother or to see what you and your mother have been posting.

Don't join in on your inlaws' games. Stay the course. Your h is a very desperate man and he will do anything and use anyone to his advantage to get what he wants. I don't trust any of them at this point in time. Be careful what you share on FB and w/your inlaws from this day forward. I know it's difficult not to chat w/SIL #2, but you've got to be careful because you do not know if she's telling your h or her family what you say.

Stay the course and continue as you have been. The truth will eventually come to light.

Enjoy the festivities tonight and tomorrow is a new day and a new year!

Happy New Year!

Well, they're toying with me again this morning......last night I posted a joke (tagged my S19's name in it) about how I didn't want to cook but that tonight's menu was looking great (there are three families that host and we have a huge food test in our pjs). Anyway, the conversations starts and there are a few of us having fun and my pregnant sister chimes in as she was hoping one of the lady's was making lumpia (phillipino egg roll). She's not but I tried saying but I'm. Making (and listed some of the foods I'm making). Included there are "the eggs" which is my MIL's recipe so the hostess asked about them so I described them. This morning my SIL #2 commented (I guess she saw it through S19's status)

Funny ^ that's my moms recipe. Enjoy the eggs! You can claim it as yours though. Lol

Then a few minutes later she changed it

^ Funny, that's the (insert family last name here) family recipe . You can claim it as your own though. Enjoy the eggs!"

I responded
Oh I wasn't trying to claim it as my own. (My sister) had a craving and I offered to make them for her

She responded
Lol... You forgot the tomato. Enjoy"


WTF!?!? Why are they bothering me? She mad because I'm making "their" recipe? Well, it's not "theirs"! It's actually a popular French recipe......I just learned about it from my MIL


I'm shaking again........I feel like they're all up to something. Text from SIL #1, H unblocked me and now this "funny" status comments.

White,

Unfriend them. Change your FB settings to only allow your friends. Things are too fresh and raw right now for you to be able to defend yourself or engage with this insanity. Please, for your own sake, block them so you don't have to take these petty punches.

They are really sick, angry people. You don't need them infecting you and your holiday. Think Mama Bear and how blocking them, including your H, will protect YOU which, in turn, protects your kids from the trickle down effect of this toxic banter.

So stupid and immature and ridiculous. Now, I'm angry. How about we all go on FB and friend you and then IDK!! We will be Mean Back!

Jerks.

WR,
I think she was just trying to find a way to jump into the conversation and let you know that she was reading along. No where did I see you claiming the recipe as your own, in fact, it may be one that your MIL uses, but it's a French recipe that she has claimed as hers. LOL! BTW, you didn't need to justify why you were discussing the recipe to her. If it's brought up again, find the recipe and state which cookbook you got it from. That should cool her jets about who is claiming what. LOL! I wouldn't let that little bit of conversation rattle me.

They are reading everything you and your sons are doing, if they have access to it. They have heard so much BS from your h that they are curious to see what you really are doing. You should be flattered that you are taking up so much room in their heads. When people are like this, I have as little contact w/them as possible and that includes FB time.

My advice, don't put anything out there that you don't want them to know about right now.

It is set for "friends" but because I had joking added S19 she could see it. I'm not into blocking people. I don't know. Immature?

I don't want to get into a fb war with them but come on......what are they doing!?!? You're a 45 year old woman!!!!

I understand. I didn't think about your sons and their link to your posts and so forth.

It just makes me angry. It's unfair you get more flack along with everything else.

Trust the process. The truth will always be the truth, no matter what.