Groov, that is truly an awesome letter. Fantastic list of things to do 180's on, and it reveals a lot of soul searching. Now burn it or file it someplace secure for your own reference. Whatever you do, do not send it to your W. She's not ready to hear something like that, it would just make her roll her eyes at your "too little too late" clarity. Heck, she'd probably keep it as a checklist to remind herself of everything that's wrong with you. WAS's will use everything against you, it's just more ammo. And remember Sandi's rule 29:
Quote:
29. Know that if you can do 180's, your smallest CONSISTENT actions will be noticed much more than any words you can say or write.
I understand that you feel are done and finished with our relationship. and will be moving on.
I would like to share some of the ways I feel I have not met your needs in our time together.
-Not meeting your emotional needs -Not including you in all of my/our decisions -Not taking the time to understand your needs -Not telling you how much I appreciate everything you do -Not spending enough quality time with you -Not communicating to you how much I care for you and love you -For getting defensive when you would communicate and ask me questions -For not hugging and kissing you enough -For making you feel like you were raising the kids on your own -For not planning and doing more things as a family -For offending or embarrassing you with my sarcasm. -For not telling you often enough how beautiful and amazing I think you are. -For not taking you on more dates -For spending too much time on my hobbies, work, and Xbox -For not holding you close, telling you that you look beautiful and kissing you goodnight -For not asking? and sharing our days -For not being kind and tender -For not kissing you goodbye -For not coming to bed with you -For not looking into your eyes -For not making time to talk towith you -For not holding your hand -For not showing compassion for your frustrations -Not being interested in you -For being unbelievably selfish -Not acknowledging you when you speak to me -For not kindly accepting requests for help -For not being grateful for the meals you cook Or do you mean “for not showing my gratitude for the meals you cooked -For not putting my cloths in the laundry bag -For not taking out the trash -For not taking my dishes to the sink -For not taking notice and help with household duties -For making you a nag by not doing things without your asking -For not seeing your good intentions -For not playing and loving our babies more -For not Helping you get the kids ready and out the door -For not helping get the kids cleaned up after dinner time -For not being willing to do things with the family that I may not be interested in -For not helping the kids when they need it -Not taking the kids out for daddy time more -For not making love to you (not just sex) and hold you in my arms and speak quietly to you -For not cooking more meals -For not taking a the lead in having regular Family home evening -For not having daily scripture study -Not having daily prayer -Not attending the temple with you (monthly) -For not setting aside a few minutes a day to do some quality talking to with you.
For all of my failings above I humbly ask for your forgivenessapologize .
If you think this is an attempt to manipulate. It isn’t.
I know and believe that divorce is not the answer to our problems. That being said, I truly have an endearing love and respect for you. I will not stand in the way of a divorce I am able and willing to release you from our commitment if that is what you choose.
As painful, difficult and heart-wrenching as this is for me, I have awoken from a dark slumber in a fog of life. I find that as I painfully opened my eyes, it as though I have been born again. I have been led and have heard the voice of the lord in my heart and mind. I have glimpsed the path ahead for me. I now know who I really am. I also know whose I am ? . I am becoming the man, the friend, the brother, the son, the father and finally husband I am meant, and always wanted to be.
Please do not respond to this letter
Sincerely with Love,
Groov
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
To be honest, I am having a really tough time. I don't really understand what, why, my W is doing what she is doing. Discovering EA was like BD again. Also it explains why she is in such a hurry... OM is getting a divorce to.
Also I talk to My IC, DB coach and this forum. I seemingly get different options/choices on what to do. It's hard to feel confident in an action when I get conflicting opinions. Paralysis by analysis if you will.
On top of all this. My outlook financially is worrisome with a divorce. The assets we have are not in a good place right now for liquidation. This may very well be the last christmas in the home my kids know as home.
Still hoping for a miracle...
Groov
Me:35 W:33 D:6 S:4 M:13 years BD:W Moves Out with D6 S4 7/25/13 EA: Confirmed 12/12/13 Divorced: 11/7/2014
I can understand why you feel confused, everything is turned upside down, your emotions are high and you’re getting a variety of advice.
I never had a chance to talk to a DB coach, but would recommend listening carefully to them. The advice you get on these boards is more of a support, we do try to help based on experience and common similarities.
One thing I know for sure and that is you have to become the best person you can, for you. That will set the direction for positive things to happen.
You have to take everything people say and make your own choices, we just try to help you see what we have learned. I always relied on my gut if that helps.
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
OM's "best friends" Wife contacted me and wanted to meet f2f. We talked and she wanted to identify the "elephant in the room". Basically she wanted to let me know that she believes that her H is having an Affair with my W. She then goes on to tell me that "My Friend" has previous infidelities. She is stuck in the anger of things and does not want to work it out with her H. She informed me that she is going to go to our eclesiastical leaders and inform them.
I mostly listened and told her that I didn't want to be involved. I said that I have hopes of Reconciliation at some future time. I told her not to involve me in the "tattling" for a better word. I hope she keeps me out of it. The last thing I want is to be perceived as someone out for vengence or revenge. I think I made a mistake on telling her about what I knew of the situation (text message records) I was adimant that I did not want it out there that I pulled the records. If confronted... I will most likely say that I am focusing on the bettering myself, getting closer to the Lord and being a better father.
The funny thing is a part of me wants her to go to the church leaders and get it all out there. I just don't want it to come from me. The last time my W woke up from her EA was when a church leader threatened church disipline.
For me though, I am just going to make Groov the best human he can be. Stay out of it. I am not going to be communicating with OM's W. This is too much a temptation to get sucked into what their going through.
Advise welcome
Groov
Me:35 W:33 D:6 S:4 M:13 years BD:W Moves Out with D6 S4 7/25/13 EA: Confirmed 12/12/13 Divorced: 11/7/2014
