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I'm on the edge of losing my temper and going off on w. Three days after her fathers death I get a letter from her attorney with paper work to fill out for a per trial hearing. THREE days. She couldn't wait till he was put to rest. I just left from work. I just need time to myself now. How cold can a human being be?

Take at deep deep breath. you can only look bad and look insensitive if you rail on her during this time in her family crisis....and otherwise anyway. They can get very very cold indeed and unfortunately it may and likely will get colder...especially through litigation. She will be processing many many things through her grief. A grieving stage will also include anger so that anger may be thrown your way too, so prepare for that and let it go. It is hard....I struggle with this every day.
As far as the timing on the L letter, it was probably prepared and ready prior to your FIL's death so it was in the works anyway. Curious to know why it was sent to you and not through your counsel. Her L should not be dealing with you directly and here in Canada anyway it is inappropriate for her counsel to directly engage with you if you have retained counsel. Don't be bullied. You will do great. Stay strong for yourself and your boy. She is for herself.

I'm sorry. The letter was sent to my attorney and he sent it to me. I have taken a few deep breaths and now I'm laying down. I was going to write down what I wanted with the divorce and talk to her about it to keep lawyers out if it for a while. My DB coach suggested I do this to show that I am a reasonable man and to do a 180 by taking the initiative on this. I plan on doing this now. My poor s. he lost his grandfather and I lost a father aswell. W knows he met a lot to me. I can tell s is confused with death and now this that she is pushing a divorce. I lay here with tears in my eyes thinking to myself. Why? I do have an appointment this evening w my DB coach. I need an angel to come down and guide me and to help her.

If you two can engage and negotiate as much as possible without L's that would be best to save a lot of money. Some L's will also elevate tension to drive up costs.
Good on you to talk to DB coach. I spent many a day and night with tears...it is okay. Let it out. Be strong in front of and for your boy...you are his angel. Your answer will come and you will be guided. Likely you probably already are....just take heed. The guidance and help is for you and your boy, not her. She is responsible for herself right now. If you focus on help for her, you won't get the help you need for you.

Thank you FloydMan. As much as I don't want to engage with her on this I know I have to. A handful of people told me that they pray that with her fathers death it would open up her heart a little. Her father was really hurt with our situation and I know he is upstairs looking to get us help.

So I have laid here in bed and wrote a draft proposal for this whole divorce thing. I stated what I want. I'm going to review this with my coach tonight and see if I was too harsh. I am taking this in the best I can. All I'm waiting for now is 5 o'clock to pick up my s from school and be with him. Who knows maybe pick him up a little earlier. I have done my crying and quite a bit if screaming to let some steam off. Got something to eat and going to try and take a nap. But even writing this I have a few tears. God help me, give me guidance.

God loves you brother and is with you. You will be guided.

Just got off the phone with my MIL. What an awesome lady. Even with her husbands recent death she is there for me. She is still disgusted with the way her daughter is acting. She did bring up that they are having a birthday dinner for her grandson sat night and didn't know how to approach my w with it. The grandson, w's nephew wants me there. I told MIL that he needs to call wife and tell her he wants me there not MIL to call so it doesn't seem that she is the one pushing me to be there at the family birthday dinner. I am truly blessed to have her family being supportive of me. This is the nephew @ 22 yrs old that told me, what ever happens don't disappear from our lives.

Nice to have love and support. Just please don't rely on this support so you're not disappointed. This is your wife's decision and hers alone. If she is pressured from all sides, it may make her more defensive and angry and confused. I love that I got support from even her family, but it did not change her resolve and I was disappointed. I still get reach outs from her parents and we were close too. Her parents backed off pressuring her to keep their relationship intact. They will still love and support their kids no matter what so just don't count on any impact by their influence and more appreciate how their feel about you and your connection with them. Guilt won't work on your W and will likely only backfire. Love ya man. Keep at it.

Thanks. I have my appointment this morning w my attorney. Guess ill find out what this pre trial issue is about. I did write up last night what I want out of this divorce and plan on giving it to w this evening before s and I take off. Going to give her some time for it to sink in. I'm also going to tell her how upsetting it was to get the letter from her attorney within a week if her dads death. I did speak to my coach last night and it felt good. It's all in Gods hands.