Pink pool noodle for you!!! (Er, not the least because you said you like legal writing - I think that alone gets you a blue pool noodle).
No one who is happy and loved is a failure. No one who loves as much as you do could possibly be a failure.
You are having a hard time detaching. And really, when it boils down to it, FY is right, detaching simply means "not taking it personally" or taking whatever his moods are to heart. As long as you still care, you will always be a bit attached, but detaching gives those ever delicate and easily manipulated emotions a bit of a break from the ups and downs.
In practice, especially for you folks living with your MLCer, detaching can begin to look something like: H is in a bad mood, rather than worry about why, I am going Christmas shopping or treat myself to the spa. It is allowing yourself to feel the warmth of a great cup of coffee and not letting the flavour be dimmed by sulky at home.
Let your positive mood be catchy and not the other way around. You are an awesome DBer.
Rosa,I think you are a rock! have the same detaching issues... I think part of it is the empathy we have for our spouse. my new mantra will be...I will detach! I will stop expectations, I will live my life. Thank you for sharing your story. I learn from reading from you and many others. It helps
M48 H50 M21 T26 S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old PA confirmed 7/2012 H separates 9/2012 H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
And it is not about us. Do not take it personally, and still enjoy every day.
Fy, this is what detached is and what I have been telling Rosa. You, however, call it whatever you like.
Yeah, I know, which is why I said it's probably just semantics. Like I said, I've never much liked that word when used in reference to the one I am hoping to remain attached to for the rest of my life. Unless we've totally given up, we're all still attached to our spouses, even if it's sometimes only by a thread.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
Good stuff Portia. I like everything you said to Linda because Linda...it is so true. Pool noodles and all.
FY, I like the way you think about detachment. I think people get very confused on what detaching actually is. Good clarification, imo. thanks.
Linda, you can do this. Just remember to treat yourself really well especially when you feel so down. Do something kind for yourself everyday. You are worth it. You are a remarkably kind and loving women.
Me:49 H:47 S: 16 T:27 M:25 My EA: 2001 His PA: 10/2007, 6/2013 Separated, but H still in house
Find your Shambala: a place of peace and happiness.
I think someone already said this on here...but I think you hurt so much still because you are such a kind, loving person.
You are always reaching out to others on here who are struggling...and it's obvious that you love those around you in your life.
So, of course, it's hard for you to detach! It's because you have such a big heart!
I'm not sure what the answer is as I have been letting my H drag my feelings all over the place this week. Someone once wrote on my thread that it's like you harpooned a whale and are getting drug all over the ocean by it!
The only way is FORWARD...so RL, we'll just keep putting one foot in front of the other...getting stronger each day. And someday, this "detaching" thing will be easier.
you're not a failure at all. remember - it's not "not caring" - it's ACTING AS IF....
THAT'S all- just not allowing your sorrow to poison your happy moments - okay- pleasant moemnts - oh well, okay.... not-awful moments.
it's just keeping on living despite it. and you're doing it. i'm not detached - and i don't even feel flooded withlove or affecton when i look at h or hear his voice as i used to ..
it's sad - idk what it means - maye i'm getting to hate him for real- i don't even know- i'm not going to even examine it-
I THINK IF you're alive still, in the house still, able to feel love still- and not yelling at him every single time you see him you're doing great.
pat hyourself on teh back for existing in your space with him - and don't see it as failure at all. wtf??????
are ya thinking you're only successful if you're wearing a pink organdy party dress with a big bow and red shoes and dancing a jig?
imho - success is just not failing - in this mlc thing. and you're not failing if you're still alive and standing and trying.
look at the things you do dn still enjoy- you're getting on with your life best you can- better than me and most folks.
don't expect perfection - view yourself from outside eyes- i think in the context of your own particular mlc "adventure" you're hanging in there remarkably well and even-tempered and with much love and kindness. it's waaay more than i have aloto f the time (defensive & sarcastic - $hit that i am.)
oh well huh? we're supposed to "trust" the process and trust God- i'm thinking trust is a key feature. dig deep and find it man- you're a god-fearing woman - you can do it & feel it most probably.
you're doing good. THO, NOW THAT I THINK OF IT- i've felt like a total failue an accept4ed it in several ways - and it is aload off my bck to stop "trying" - let me turn allll that around and say embrace it- it can set you free
RL, Where are you? Did you have a nice Thanksgiving?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Just wanted to check in and see how you are doing.
M36 XH34 M-5 T7 4/11 H confused 5/11 ILYB 6/11 OW discovered 7/11 I move out, OW over 5/12-OW2,done->new EA, but H wont file 9/12 H "best bf ever" to EA/OW3 3/13 H/OW break up H files 4/13 D 6/18/13
