Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis It is well with my soul

RL,
The holidays are approaching very quickly and I wanted to take a moment to wish you and your family a Merry Christmas. I hope that you are going to have family and friends there to surround you w/their love and provide you w/the strength to carry on in the days ahead. Your Board family misses you, but we do understand that this is a busy time of the year for you.

Please take care of yourself.

Hello, checking in and wow, thank you all so much for checking up on me! It has been a week since H and I decided to split up, and he is back to acting MLC-normal (not sane-person-normal). Most of the nastiness has gone, which makes me wonder whether in his MLC craziness, he was trying to goad me into kicking him out so that he would not be the "bad one" who walked out on his wife of 38 years.

We went to a Christmas party at his mom's house last night. It was sort of melancholy for me, as I had promised H not to tell people he would be leaving until after the holidays. So I was wondering if this would be the last time I saw all of these people I have loved so much for so many years, and was not able to tell them goodbye. I gave them all extra hugs and kisses and took a lot of pictures. Especially my nieces. I was so sad thinking they are only my nieces by marriage. But later I was thinking, after talking about it to uRw, that these family members love my H because he is their relative. But they love me for myself. My nieces especially, and my God daughter in particular. They have two slightly unsatisfactory aunts; why would they drop the "fun" aunt who takes them shopping and does stuff with them just because their uncle, who never even talks to them, was stupid enough to leave? I do love my girl.

H got very drunk at the party, and had a lot of fun playing Christmas carols on the piano after most everyone had gone home. The couple of us left stood around singing. It was a lot of fun. H acted pretty obnoxious at one point, and was trying to get everyone to drink vodka while sniffing rye bread, which he claims is some kind of Russian custom.

I got a chance to use one of FY's truth darts, when he suddenly stopped playing carols and started playing Russian folk songs. Grrrr. So I went and sat in the living room with my son. H asked me why I left and I told him I did not want to hear anything about Russia - not about how they drink vodka, not about their weather, and especially do not want to stand around and sing Kalinka with his sisters.

There is seriously something wrong with him. I am pretty excited because our grand kids are coming over tonight to decorate our Christmas tree. And H is full of complaints that he has to see them 3 times in one week. Yikes, I'd be glad to see them every day. AND our S28 developed a man problem, epidymitis and a varocele. I spent all morning in the ER yesterday. He was writhing in pain. He's okay, probably won't need surgery, they think antibiotics will clear it up. But wouldn't you think that H would be concerned enough about his son to at least enquire how he is feeling? No, he just complained that S28 did not go to his grandma's party last night, and said he did not believe him that he felt too uncomfortable to go. Wonka is right, H truly lost his sensitivity chip somewhere. I really do not like him very much today.

It seems so strange to have gone from dying and crying for his love to done in a split second.

Overall, I am doing pretty well. Singing and dancing around the house, listening to music, and working. I feel a great sense of relief. And think that means that this was the right decision.

RL,
uR is correct... you are loved for who you are. If they didn't love you, you would have known it many years ago. It's difficult to fake love for another human being when they are related by marriage. Do not say goodbye to them. You might be surprised when they find out about the separation. They may very well open their arms and pull you in for love and strength. They sound like lovely people.

I'm sorry to hear about your son. Yep, the empathy chip goes out the window when they are in mlc. It's a crying shame he didn't go to the hospital and be there for his son.

I'm sure your house will be rocking this evening and the tree will look fabulous. Take as many photos as you can. Christmas only comes once a year the pictures will be priceless as the children grow up.

Please don't all his behavior to ruin your holidays. Enjoy each and every minute because you can't do a "re do".

Have fun this evening!

RL,

I'm so glad things are going well. Sounds like you are seeing your H for who he is today--and he sounds crazeeee.

You sound strong Linda. What a sad, stupid man to not see what he is losing.

Love,

Heather

Linda m'lady, I am so very proud of the way you handled yourself. And I agree with job, if they love you for you there is no reason why you cannot go on seeing them! They have been in your life for so long they are precious to you and you to them.

I cannot believe his behavior at the house, wow. He has truly lost a marble or two and is still in fantasy world.

I am so glad you feel good about this. It's about time you got some well-deserved happiness.

Loveya Pud.

Oh my dear Rosa

He actually wanted people to sniff bread? Now's there's a picture for next year's Christmas card - lol!!!

Rosa, there's no doubt that all those family members love you for the wonderful person that you are. Your H is going to look like a complete fool for giving up the best person he ever had.

There IS something seriously wrong with him, and you don't deserve the brunt of his crazy and selfish behavior.

I'm so very glad you are feeling a sense of relief. Keep singing, dancing, decorating - whatever makes you happy

RL,

You are such an amazing example of Grace and Dignity.

And, I agree with others. His family loves you for YOU! They can keep being a part of your life.

Keep singing and dancing. You deserve to be happy this holiday season!

Oh thanks Job, Heather, Pud, TVS and Ang. I really hope to be able to keep in touch with H's family. I suspect his mom will be supportive, as she has advised me a dozen times to kick him out over the past 5 years, and maybe the rest will take their cue from her?

We had a ton of fun last night, decorating the tree, eating, drinking and watching the Islanders lose sigh... I had the kids singing and dancing too at one point. Such fun. The other grandma and her boyfriend came over too, and we had a ball. I got a bit (maybe more than a bit ) tipsy on just 2 beers, but felt relaxed and happy! She is 67 or 68 I think, and sort of heavy, so maybe there is hope for us all if things don't work out with our MLCers.

My H was missing in action. He did not come down from his room until hours after they all arrived, and then said hello to everyone and went straight down into the basement. I finally went down to see what he was doing after an hour - he was texting and doing the laundry. The laundry! I know all our spouses are slightly MLC nuts, but to do laundry during a family party? Sheesh!

Hey my surgeon finally scheduled my laser surgery on my blurry left eye for a week after New Years. He now says it will help a lot and will "probably" get rid of the problem, but if it does not, I will need more REAL surgery! Yikes! What! I am hoping for the best. It will be back to those giant bug like cataract sun glasses for a while. So sexy

You're sounding so good Linda.....so proud of you hun.

RL,
I'm so happy to read that you and your family had a great time last night. You need this interaction and fun times to lighten your mood.

I'm not surprised to read what you h did. He is playing scrooge this year and yes, laundry tends to me one of those things that the like to do. For some reason, it is soothing to listen to the washer and dryer run and it doesn't take a whole lot of brain cells to accomplish.

I'm glad to read that your surgeon may be able to fix that blurry problem you've been experiencing. I hope and pray that the laser will be able to take care of it. You can handle those sun glass for a bit, especially when you know it's a temporary measure.

Sit back, put on some Christmas music and enjoy your decorations. Nothing puts a smile on your face, but to gaze at a beautifully decorated tree.