Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis It's just a moment; This time will pass

WR,
I'm on moderation, not really sure when this post will show. I have really been here since March just never posted but I followed your sitch. I commend you for basically putting H in his place last week. I have read everything that went down a few times because I know I will be there soon.

White,

There's a really good page in Codependency No More that discusses how rescuing someone from their pain may interfere in God's plan and make things worse for them in the long run.

p. 78-79

*I just happen to know the page number because it happens to be one of my worst habits. Saving other people from themselves. Meanwhile, Heather tends to be her biggest enemy. Go Figure!

Thank you MJ. It was hard but I survived and you will too......we all will.

Heather, thanks Hun, I'm going to check that out.

H is back to messaging me I guess. After two weeks of nothing yesterday's email and text and today I received text messages asking if S14 was home and if I had plans for him Friday night. I said yes he was home and no I did not have plans. He then messaged me letting me know he was taking S14 for dinner then a bonfire, and to watch carol ships, at one of the parks. We did it last year actually and I was thinking that I wanted to do it again but didn't say that to H. Said it sounds great then he messaged me he'd pick him up at 4 and I said perfect. Also asking S19 about his schedule. Wants to go to the pub for a beer and food when he's off......so great to have a pub buddy, eh.!?!!

I guess Christmas is making him extra special lonely as he's not been this engaged with the boys in a while.

WR,
He does seem to be a bit lonely or possibly the exchange between you two and the attorneys and judge last week knocked him off his pedestal down to reality a bit. I only hope and pray for yours and the boys sake it will continue. I don't think these MLCers realize just how smart these kids are without us telling them anything.

You are doing such an amazing job with all this.

WR,
They tend to act up a bit more during the holidays. Some before very attentive of their families and others cut and run. Sounds like your h wants to spend time w/his sons. That's good, but I would be sure to remind them not to discuss w/him what you are doing.

I hope your week is going better than last week.

I think it's all of the above MJ. This kind of activity is not normally something he would think to do.

Job, I've already thought of ways to bring it up to S14 and what his responses need to be if dad asks anything. Although, my L in court, did mention that we would like him to stop asking the boys about my whereabouts and goings on. I'm hoping he's remembered that

Need to vent here......the other day was one of my soon to be exBIL's birthday SO I wished him a happy birthday on FB and got blocked!! Nice, eh!!! what a piece of work they F'N are.....really, guys?!?!?!?! I don't bother you AT ALL and I wish you a happy birthday and you block me?!?! Now, that S14 mentioned to me he thinks his aunt (this guy's common law) doesn't like them I have half a mind to message H and tell him until his family grows up they're not permitted to speak to my children!!!!! UGGGGG AND THIS IS THE COUPLE who has a very ill son, cerebral palsy, and was born at 26 weeks and I cooked numerous meals, and organized food drives within my family and friends as they are broke, so that when they brought him home they could feed the kids without cooking. Her three from previous marriage, his two from previous marriage and then the one together! I did this more than a few times as he has had numerous surgeries. Because they live 1.5hrs from the hospital I would make meals and bring them down or if he needed surgery entertained them in my home while they waited.........I'm so angry!!!! WTF!?!?!?!! they're all crazy!! I wish that I could slip anti depressants into all their coffees in the AM so they are tolerable to the rest of the world!!! OH and just so that you know her 3 oldest, none of them have jobs and MY S19 will be the first one OF ANY OF THEM to attend college!!! Yeah, I'm saying they suck and this whole parenting/family thing.

NOW I'm off to shower and go to a christmas party downtown.....I was just so pi$$ed off......thanks for listening:))

WR,

Have you considered that this wasn't really about you at all?

Think for a second here. After last week's Court, H was very, very angry with the way things turned out and did not go his way as he thought it would. So he's most probably telling his family that you're out to hurt him, take everything from him, and hang him high and dry. It is all coming out of his mouth so his family probably believes his horror story about you as the evil SBXW. In their minds, you are hurting H...because, of course, that's what he told them.

When viewed from this angle, WR, I would hope that you recognize the real why's these "hurtful" actions from your ILs are happening. Yes, it hurts like hell! Family blood is thicker than water. Keep telling yourself that they're only ACTING based on what H has TOLD them.

You know the truth. Own it and hold your head up high. Continue being the positive person that you are and don't stop being cordial to the ILs. Eventually, they will see the light and the truth will slowly dribble out. Just bide your time and continue to focus on you and the boys.

WR,
Wonka has given you great advice. Blood is always thicker than water and I do agree w/her that your h most likely has advised them that you are out to hurt him any way you can. His perception of what has happened is very off and he's not owning up to what he's done to create this mess. Continue being ghe wonderful person that you are. Eventually, if they have any time of morals, will see the light. Until then, be the wonderful person you are. Continue to pray for them because they do need prayers.

BTW, what they've done is very typical behavior during a time of divorce. Sometimes, people don't know what to say or do when a situation like this comes up, so they distance themselves. It's normal and it's not you. So, let it go. Pray for them.

Thank you Wonka and Job

I just did not come from a family like this, I guess, if you're a Fuc! up they call you on that. My dad was planning on calling H after court last week and then the other day, after everything H has put me through, my dad told me how much he's worried about H and not to close the door completely. I had to let my dad know H is loooooong gone.....it broke my heart, again, to see my dad devastated. I think he misses his friend and son.

I guess if they are so easily led astray by H's words then who needs em?!?!?! I wished BIL a happy birthday and SIL a merry christmas......they can do what they want with my wishes.

I will silently wait, and pray Job, it is the Christmas season....