Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis The Brave Man

So I was reading some other post this morning and game across an interesting tidbit from Cadet. He had mentioned to another poster to review the Stockdale Paradox....an ironicly I remembered reading Stockdale's book in grade school (I loved to read as a kid). So I was familiar with what he had gone through....but unaware of the paradox.

So I researched the stockdale paradox and was quite moved. I think through his statement he really portraits that to really meet one's potential....one has to find balance between the truth and desire. Accept things as they are is how they were meant to be in the bigger picture. Then deal with it in a proactive manner.

As a scientist though....I had to research how Stockdale applied this to the trials he faced? How did this man come to a grand paradox? It was with that I discovered that Stockdale was a Stoic Classics professor.So with that....I had to research was stoic philosophy is.

I am glad I did. While I will continue the research (today's reading will be Marcus Aurelius's "meditations") the whole basis of stoicism reminded me of this board.

Accepting that things will work out as they are intended....even if the current moment is not what you want.

I just loved this quote;

"When you wake up in the morning, tell yourself: The people I deal with today will be meddling, ungrateful, arrogant, dishonest, jealous, and surly. They are like this because they can't tell good from evil. But I have seen the beauty of good, and the ugliness of evil, and have recognized that the wrongdoer has a nature related to my own—not of the same blood or birth, but the same mind, and possessing a share of the divine"

I read this, in our situation, to mean the journey of the MLC'er and LBS are intertwined in that we are human. The difference being like a graph. At the top of the graph is fun and at the bottom unhappiness/depression. When the situation is presented, one we have to accept as the harsh reality.....The LBS is at the bottom of the graph while the mlc'er is riding an eurphoric high at the top. What we do know is that what goes up, must come down and vice versa. Nature's way of finding that balance as Stockdale's paradox uncovered.

We have the choice to hang on to anger.....or forgive. Yet in the end what has happened is meant to be and it is ours to accept it and move on.

I just read about the Stockdale Paradox. Thanks for the tip. Very interesting.

So, in other words, if we move up the graph, the MLC-er moves down????

If that's the case, I wanna feel awesome. She sure looks like she's having a ball. If I feel awesome, life svcks for her! New plan: I feel great every day!

I wish it were they easy.

Humor helps every once in a while.

Haha good one jf.

Observation and question for all of us here.

Have any of us noticed our MLCers doing strange physical things or weird habits we've never seen out of them until crisis time?

I watched W twiddle her hair for hours today. She played with it like a little girl who was nervous or thinking about something. We were in public, too. Wasn't like she was sitting around at home. Thing is, I have NEVER seen her do this in 20 years. It's almost like there was a tiny little girl sitting near me today


Really weird. Anybody else see crap like this?

I don't see things quite like that, but for me it is the way my H LAUGHS at certain things... like this chortling, hooting kind of laughter that does seem really what you would expect from a 12 year old kid, not a grown man.

Also at bombdrop and since he occasionally sits on the counter in the kitchen, like that is normal adult behavior. :P

JF, I've noticed many new behaviors with my W. New laughs, new facial expressions, new swearing... (not in anger)

It's all a part of finding their new self's I figure. Embrace it and go with it. In the end they'll be better versions of themselves, I figure.

When W and I were "dating" again a few weeks back she was swearing a lot more than she used to. W even made a comment on how I do a lot less and she has the potty mouth now.

Mine is hiding his behaviors...But he is definitely trying on new personas. He has a magnetic earring, using Viagra and his profile said he likes dancing! Yup, from the guy who never danced!

The dancing kills me, for I have always LOVED dance...

I have to say, back in my early to middle twenties, I too tried on the swearing persona. I wanted to use "those" words in an intimate setting to excite my H. They did not come easily for me. I had to use the vacuum and yell them out loud until I felt comfortable with them.

Picture a 23 year old vacuuming and screaming fvck, c-nt, p---y!

I must have looked ridiculous if not hilarious. I do not use those words in my everyday interaction, it was an experiment.

I get their need to try on someone new, especially if they have always accommodated , or perceive they have accommodated.

This is actually a time where we too can try on or out something we've wanted to try...legal and healthy, but seek out ourselves. For the more we learn about ourselves through them and digging within, the stronger WE will be in either reconciliation or new friendships.