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So much knowledge and insight posted here. It has been very helpful to read. Thank you all

No you can't....

Ben, tu parles la langue? Si, oui, l'achètes. Mais si non, l'utilises pas. D'accord avec Espagnol...

Merci Bestie.

I need to vent. I drove the Jeep last night and felt this moisture hitting my face.

Turns out the area above the windshield is letting in snow. There is a thin layer of snow on the dashboard.

Then, there's Christmas. I still need a tree. I ordered my Christmas gifts, but I think I spent too much so may have to send things back.

I gave D11 permission to purchase the 1 Direction movie on Vudu. But, even though I've asked H to solve a problem with our joint checking account, he hasn't and the purchase didn't go through. She has been waiting for this day for weeks and she can't watch the movie. I have to sort out what's going on.

D19 needs a ride home. I asked her to check around for another ride but IDK.

I had the new student yesterday which was insane. He is very troubled. I will not be able to teach him full time. This means I won't be able to collect the amount I charged her at first. I'm angry that this situation seems to change daily with this family. I will vent more on this subject later.

So, D11 is driving me crazy because she wanted to stay up til 3 a.m. to watch this movie and, then, this morning, she can't watch it.

So, I had to text H for his address.

He called me. With a bright, cheery happy this morning voice. Ugh. I almost didn't answer.

I answered, but I didn't sound happy. I was just too whatever.

So, I cut the call short. I told him to text me the address. I thanked him when he did. I was full of resentment.

Then, I sent him this text.

Me: I feel angry this morning, as you could probably tell. It's snowing inside the Jeep. D19 needs a ride home. I need a tree. And, there are a lot of other things on my plate. I need the $800. I feel angry I'm handling this on my own while you live differently.

I'm ok with it. I tried to convey my frustrations without bludgeoning him.

Ok.

I handled the One Direction Movie crisis. I also showered and put make up on this morning which has helped my PMA.

I've finished teaching and I plan to pick up the house some more.

D11 and the other two students are sledding in the back for an hour.

Next problem to sort out is getting D19 back home. There's this boy who we've given two rides to school. I asked, hoping now would be the time to have him repay the favor. Please D19, ask this boy for a ride. He can, at least, bring her half way home.

She says he can't. D19 loves to get her way by avoiding asking people for what she needs. She wants me to come get her so I can bring her tons of stuff back home. I don't know how to do that without renting a car or getting guilt from my mom.

I do not want to rent a car to get her. I've driven back and forth now over 10 times this semester. I'm angry on this point with H. I'm angry about his relationship with her and how he as dropped the ball. I'm angry at how I get the dump with the kids because H is just incapable of parenting right now.

I'm venting here and not to him.

I'm going to trust this ride home will get figured out. I think it's only 9.95 to rent a car on weekends.

Grrrrrr... Just how I feel today.

Hi Lois It's good to vent; but,it's even better to take action. I strongly suggest that you call one of our Divorce Busting Coaches. We can help you take steps in a positive direction and achieve effective change. Call me and I would be happy to discuss our coaching program. 303-444-7004

Lois,
Breathe! I get the impression that you can't handle a lot of things at one time, especially if one thing is out of sync. Okay, the windshield problem...easy fix. Take it to a auto glass company. They will put some sealant around the glass. That's all you need. The glass doesn't need to be replaced. Quick fix.

Things happen like the mix up w/the 1Direction movie. I've had it happen and it will work itself out.

As for the Christmas stuff, I didn't say anything when you were talking about all of the shopping, but I did think to myself that it was going to pinch you later in the month. Time to send some of the stuff back. As for the tree, you might have to settle for one that isn't quite what you are use to getting. Not every year has to be perfect in the way of decorations. It's nice to have a beautiful tree, but let's be realistic, people, especially children, look at it for a bit and then on to the packages.

As for your daughter returning home, surely there are some others coming from her college that could bring her half way, if not all of the way home. Is there a bus or train station that can bring her close to home? Time to learn about public transportation, if that's available.

I know you resent your h being gone and the things that are happening, but you know what? Most of them would have happened whether he was there or not.

If you would like for me to give you a ring, I'll be happy to do so. I have broad shoulders.

Breathe!

Thank you Job.

You're right. I have a hard time when I'm feeling pressure from a lot of different places. I need to learn to relax and take one thing at a time.

I guess that's what I did yesterday. I relaxed some.

I picked up D19. I had two hours in the car alone and I was able to settle down a bit.

Picking her up was pretty hard work because they have to clear a lot outta their rooms for people to come in and clean during the 6 week break. I rented a nice car, luxury sedan!, so we had lots of room and I enjoyed driving it. I have it the whole weekend, which will be nice.

The whole picking D19 from college is done. I'm glad to have that off the list. I think it was troubling me quite a bit because I wasn't sure how to get it done amidst everything else.

The next thing I have is an appointment with a mom this morning. So, I need to pick up the house.

I also have to call my friend, the money guru. I need her help. I'm having more business opportunities come my way and I need help managing all of this without overspending. Deposited over 1200 yesterday which will help things.

This business may actually make it. Wouldn't that be a hoot!

I'm glad I reminded H yesterday about the $800. I will be feeding D19 for the next six weeks and it's stuff like that which seems to fall between the cracks in his drug addled mind.

I also purchased a coat for her during Thanksgiving break. MIL said she would handle the coat, but D19 hasn't heard a thing from her. Like mother like son. I have the feeling they are using D19 as a scapegoat again because she doesn't want anything to do with H.

And, she needs a $200 prescription which I need him to handle. I, honestly, don't see how he is going to be able to handle the mortgage, support and D19's remaining tuition next semester. I need to be vigilant and on my game here. And, I need to ask for help in certain areas where I'm feeling depleted.

Having some time away from D11 helped this week. She spent a few afternoons at a friend's house and, then, when I picked up D19, she went to another friend's house. I'm so impressed with how she is handling these social situations. I don't think anyone would guess she has Asperger's. This two years away from H has been hard, but has given her the ability to blossom because his grumpy, judging, doubting-she-has-Asperger's self hasn't been a shadow over her. Could this be why God removed him from the mix?? We all seem to be doing better without him.

This is the kid who had NO, ZERO friends. She now has Three Besties and another girl she wants to invite over.

D19 was elected to her sorority's executive council. She is the first freshman in 25 years to be elected to this position. I'm so proud. And, she has straight A's.

I'm going to clean today. Call my money guru.

Oh, and I had a nice dream last night. It was the strangest thing. I dreamt about H coming back to me as a man full of humility and pain.

In the dream, I was able to see how the OW came into his life. He explained it to me and I had these little movie-like vignettes of moments where she pursued him and how he was vulnerable and so forth. Anyway, it wasn't hard to watch at all!!

I didn't wake up with that horrible, icky feeling about the OW--well maybe a little. But, I woke up feeling like I understood and how his relationship with her had NOTHING to do with the relationship we had/have.

I could see how there was NO way she could replace me or our relationship together with two kids and decades of memories--good and bad. I woke up feeling a bit like "I was the love of his life" and nothing will change that.

And, I was able to hold him and comfort him in my dream--something he never would let me do in real life.

I also sensed that it was the love the girls and I have for him which scared him and drove him away. He couldn't handle real love like that. He needed criticism and judgment and self-righteous indignation on a daily basis about the unfairness of the world.

He was holding me, or vice versa, for most of the dream. At this one point, he was holding me and telling me how much he loved me. I noticed my mom overheard it and smiled because she was relieved he wasn't hurting me anymore.

It was a nice dream. Is it possible someone you have a deep connection with could say things to you in a dream that maybe they can't say in real life? I think I believe that. I know that when my dad left I would have these conversations out loud with him, up in my room, where I would tell him stuff he wouldn't allow me to tell him in reality. I felt heard at times. I know I've also talked to my Grandmother like this.

IDK. It was a nice dream.

Oh! And, the peace I felt came from the fact, I felt in the dream, that he understood now about OW and realized he didn't want that person in his life anymore. He was done. I could sense he was really done. Maybe it was done more with the drugs, than her, but done and I was soooo relieved. I've always thought she simply represents the drug. She is MaryJane with fake boobs.

I'm going to hang onto that feeling for as long as possible. What a wonderful feeling. He was done. Truly done with the drugs and her and he was simply himself. The humble, fallible, wonderful human being that he is.

Lois,
When you speak to the person who is helping you w/finances, be sure to set up a personal budget so that you don't get caught in another money pinch and stick to the budget.

At least you got your daughter home from college and not have to worry about that little chore for a while.

Be sure to take your vehicle in and have the window guy put some sealant around the top of the windshield. That should take care of the leak and it's not really expensive and will save you the aggravation you tend to feel when stressed.

What about the roofer? Did you make an appointment?

The problem I see, and I'm not trying to make you angry or upset, is that some of these issues you've known about or are currently aware of and you tend to let them slide. Heather, you cant' do that if you are planning to keep your home. A little problem, if left unattended, will eventually turn into a major one that will cost a lot of money. Make a list of repairs that required attention and start working on them. This should be your New Year's resolution...start trimming down some of those repairs.

As for the MIL, I'm sure she got your daughter a coat. But please, have a chat w/your daughter and remind her that she needs to learn to say thank you, even if she can't stand the person giving her the gift or she doesn't like the gift. I know it's old school, but it's the thought that counts.

Enjoy your day!