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We all must have the same db doldrums...I am with you girls on the feeling blah about all this. I love RockJC's post...awesome, thanks Heather.

bf, don't worry about not getting that job. I always thought when that happened there was probably something about the job that was not good and I wouldn't have liked it anyway. I'll bet the boss would've been crummy or they would have overworked you .

Keep going, hunting for jobs is NOT easy and it takes a thick skin. One of which we all do not have right now. You can do it.

Well, H is driving “south” today. I’m pretty sure he is driving his camper. He did it last year to pick up some work stuff (like traffic cones and generator) from the garage. I don’t think there is anything left in the garage for his work. So, the only reason to drive the camper is for him to pick up more stuff from the house. For some reason this just devastates me more. Now I’m thinking if I should let him in the house, or I should pack his stuff myself and give it to him. I think I’m leaning towards the second option. Letting him wonder around the house and picking the things makes it feel like he would be stepping all over my feeling once again.

This morning I woke up with and immediately thought about H driving. For a moment I was almost excited, like it was in the past when he drove home after a season of work somewhere. Then I realized that he is not coming home, he is driving in this direction. I’ve been having a lot of these “phantom” feelings recently. I’ve been having the dreams about us and in some of these dreams we are getting back together. I don’t know why I’m having these feelings now. It messes up with my head. I’m a wreck again, like this past year didn’t happen and I’m back to last year’s misery and despair. I need to do something about it, I don’t want him to see me like this. I guess the work situation is also not helping my PMA. I feel like universe is punishing me for something again.

hi bf, those dreams and feelings that pop up seemingly out of nowhere do mess with your head. I still have some of those too, although not as frequent.

It does feel like, at times, that the universe is not on your side. I have these feelings too, wondering if I can be thrown any more stressful situations! This is why it's even more important to distract yourself and do really nice things with friends or for yourself. It helps to be around people who can laugh and enjoy life in the moment.

I hope you are taking care of yourself.

Thanks, Pud. I never had the dreams about reconciling with H until now. This is why it is weird.


Still cannot decide whether to let H in the house to pick up his stuff or not. I thought I was firm on that decision yesterday. Today I read some posts about how confrontation is not helping MLCer to move in their crisis. If I don’t let H in the house, he will see it as a confrontation. If I let him in, he will see that his clothes is still in the closet and nothing really changed in the house and he will think that I’m still waiting for him.


I’ve received a Christmas picture-card from H’s older brother and his W today. Addressed to me. Why? I’m not related to them anymore, I don’t have kids with H, so there is no blood connection here. I don’t talk to them. We only saw each other when we traveled with H. My son is not in contact with their kids. I’m happy that they didn’t discard me like H’s sister did, but I also feel some resentment. I know from the CC charges that he stopped by their place yesterday on his way “south”.


On a positive note, I’ve been getting closer to finalize the health insurance for me for the next year. I’ve been cleaning my office and packing H’s old stuff in the boxes. I will have something to give to him when he gets here, LOL.

Just received an e-mail from H with one sentence that he just received it from his brother. There is an attachment with lots of pictures and a corresponding story about the cork production. The majority of the cork comes from Spain and Portugal. We were in Spain and Portugal for vacation two months before the BD, last April. The pictures of the cork trees look just like the once we took on that vacation.

WTF? He sent me something to remind me about our vacation together and he has no problems with this? Am I reading too much into it? He could send this to all his unlimited friends and brag about being there. Why me?

Sounds significant to me or maybe it's just MLC at Christmas. Let time tell you!

This is why it's even more important to distract yourself and do really nice things with friends or for yourself.

I agree that this helps me so much. When I am laughing I am certainly not thinking about H!

BF, it is weird the email H sent. Again...is this part of the strange behavior that appears during the holidays..?

CC, busting, I keep asking this question myself. Is this MLC holiday behavior? Is he trying to soften me up for some new he will deliver? My head is spinning with all these unanswered questions. Why is he driving his truck here? I don’t think there are too many things he can pick up from the house to warrant to drive the gas guzzling truck across the country. He could have driven the rental car, which would be a lot cheaper.

I had a phone call from our mutual friends (female) in Mexico a couple of days ago and she was asking if I would be coming over there. I said that I wanted to, but my plans kind of changed because H was driving “south” and don’t know when he is planning to go to the vacation home. She sounded like she didn’t know about H’s driving. I know for sure that they made a phone call to H a day before she called me (don’t ask me how I know this, I’m trying to avoid 2x4, LOL.) There could be a possibility that her H made a call and she didn’t know about it, but it looks strange to me.

With this e-mail… If almost looks like what I would do if I wanted to start a dialog by invoking the memories of time together and see how the other person would respond. Or, maybe it is one of these cruel things that mlcers do when they think that LBS doesn’t have any feelings, just like they don’t have any empathy.

I’m just so anxious with all this weird information. Is he preparing another BD? Trying to stop my head from spinning.

Mind reading. Do something nice for you. Nothing you do will make a difference.

Agree with CC. I don't think they know how to think straight right now. So it's a jumbled mess of confusion. I'm sure the holidays dig deep into their psyche's and play havoc with the mess already there, so take it in stride if you can and don't read anything into it. <---Something I need to remember as well.