Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Wife says she wants to leave (Part 2)

Forgot to mention. I did let w know that D and I would be going to my parents for Christmas. I said, I want to let you know that you are welcome to come, you don't have to answer now, or ever, I just wanted to let you know that you are invited.

She thanked me, and said she really wanted to, but wasn't sure if she could. Proceeded to tell me about what she foresaw in her Christmas future, (staying home, chinese food, being alone)

I said , "whatever works for you" and let it be. I won't bring it up again. She knows that she's invited, and I know that I did the right thing.

That's good^^^

You're doing fine because I think you're starting to see that you have more power than you thought you did.

It's still going to be very painful at times, just know that it's the case and accept it. Don't fight it, don't judge yourself just live it.

Acc likes to say, and I hope I don't misquote: This is simple but it's not easy.

And that's the truth. We want to give in to the emotion instead of using our intellect.

cc-keep up the good PMA and DB techniques. The gym seems to be a good release for you and has positive results

You're such a good, caring father. Believe me, from a woman's point of view, that doesn't go unnoticed. You can be tough with other situations, but a sensitive and doting father is very 'knight in shining armor'.

Journaling,

Last night we went to my D christmas play for her pre-school. I was friendly and cordial, but kept my distance emotionally. My W kept trying to act as if we were best friends. (as i don't want to be friends, i ignored most of her "freindly" gestures... high five??? seriously?)

Anyways, other than that things were fine. We got home and W wanted to take D over to her girl friends house to play with her son. While she was getting ready we had a small moment. We both tried to walk through the door (opposite ways) at the same time. Their was a lot of sexual tension. I gave her the devilish grin and said "kiss me". She kept smiling at me, and told me she couldn't, she said "she doesn't deserve me".

I didn't let it phase me, I kept right on smiling. I said Ok and walked away like she was missing out on the most important thing in the world. Before she left she brought up some R talk. She said she coulnd't figure out what was going on. She thought that I hated her, yet here I am acting like nothing is wrong. "why do you want me now???, why can't you take your eyes off of me".

She seemed totaly confused. I felt in control (not of the situation, but of myself) I'm not pretending to know what she was thinking, nor do I really care. But I definitely sensed confusion and at least from my perspective she slipped down a rung on the power ladder.

I couldn't help myself... Before she left I said, "try not to think of me tonight" I smiled devilishly once again.

She looked like a lost puppy.

It didn't even sting when she left. I felt confident, cool, and collected.

Weeelll, DB says do what works but that sounds like a lot of pressure and pursuit.

Definitely not no contact.

You have a lot of power in this situation, just don't give it away with game playing.

I Agree,

It may not have been the best thing to do. I'm back to NC, but that doesn't mean i'm going to lose my confidence.

I'm going to shine. Because I want to. Three days in a row now, no awful feeling in my chest.

Regardless of any situation i'm in, its good to be alive!

I wanted to add.

Taking D to a fun concert tonight with W. W made a comment about the theatre being "romantic".. and that She didn't know if I would be able to control myself.

I said... "romantic?" we are taking our child to a childrens concert. I didn't realize we were going for romantic."

Wierd.


Still no mention of Divorce, Still has not changed her Money situation (she told me she was going to open a new account 3 weeks ago)

I will remain un-phased if these items do present themselves. We may be on her time-line, but that doesn't mean it's by her rules.

A bit of a 2x here, no weirder than your over-the-top flirting after setting a no contact boundary.

SLAMMO. I get it. I'm not being consistent.

I hear you. They say one thing and do another. Very confusing.

I agree with labug-the confidence is good, but definitely a mixed message.