I started posting on two occassions and both times my H walked in! So I have to start over once again.
HoldingOn - Thanks for stopping by. Yes perception verses reality is a big thing isn't it. It is amazing to me that what I perceive and what my H perceives can be so different from each other and the reality of a situation.
KMFLA - Happy Anniversary. I hope that there was some happiness for you that day. I know it can be bitter sweet too. On our 12th anniversary last fall, my D9 had a hockey game. H didn't sit by us (me, kids, MIL, and my folks) so afterwards as we were walking to car, I handed him a card and said H.A. But so much has changed since then. I am not sure I'd get a card today, but now he sits by me, spends time here, etc.
Cathy - Your question about "what if I thought I had it all right now" hit home. In some ways I do have it all - my home, my kids, my work, my family and my H most of the time. There has never been talk of atty, legal separation or D. I just think with time he will return - it is a matter of how much time - and that is not in my control.
You asked about my H's relationship with his dad. There wasn't one. My H's dad left him, his mom and his sister when my H was about 3. (same age of our youngest) He was a philanderer and when he left, he ended up remarrying and having about 6 kids, a few of whom we met at a family gathering for a relative of his. When the man died, I saw it in the paper, cut out the obit and gave it to him. Then he got some legal papers about the man's will. Nothing ever came of it but he wouldn't have taken anything if it had. He is very resentful for 1. the man leaving and 2. him not having any further contact with his kids but yet having another family. Of course, he has never said as much to me, but that is my read on the situation. It is a topic not up for discussion. Makes you wonder about his leaving us huh?
I brought up that topic when he said he was leaving and he blew his lid. He said I will not leave my kids. I said - leaving is leaving. Whether you remain involved in their lives or not - you will not be here every day to have input in their lives in the same way you would if you were here. He didn't see the difference at that time, but having lived apart, I suspect he understands the difference now.
Akgal - Thanks for stopping and for the ongoing encouragement. Your posts sound great and you always have such nice things to say on my thread too.
Pam - I know you are out there! LOL! You are always good at reminding me to post on my thread - even when I think it is boring. But you are right, even journaling helps me to reflect on what is happening in my sitch and to appreciate the baby steps that are occurring.
So whew! I am caught up, but need to list positives before I journal some more:
1. On Sunday, H was here when we got home from church. He hung around the whole day which let me get some errands done. 2. H left to go to office to run some financial reports and came back here too wait for them to finish instead of going to his apartment (which is closer to his office). When he left he even said he might be back again - but given the late hour I didn't expect it. (I wanted to go to sleep so I wasn't too disappointed) 3. Yesterday, H stopped here on way back to his office from a meeting. And it was almost noon - so as he was standing there I brushed up against him and said, what time do you have to get back to the office. Then I added - hey it's noon - so I got the two boys involved with some toys and then we .
Last night we didn't talk because he was finishing a building project for a friend. But he'll be here tonight.
Onward...
totite
"Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative..."
Thanks for the anniversary wish. I made it through. H called several times during the day Wanted to go to dinner but S16 was working so no sitter for S9 Instead H came over, I cooked and we watched the hockey game He brought me roses and a bottle of wine. I gave him some night goggles for his harley riding. He left around 10 PM. He said he had laundry to finish. Asked me if I was upset he was leaving I said no, have a nice night and sleep well. He left and I proceeded to break down into tears after he drove away. Didnt last long though, a month ago I would of cried all night and begged him to stay etc etc. I guess thats progress. He called later two times to say Happy Anniversary and really to say nothing. I dont know if he was feeling bad or expecting me to get into R talk and I didnt
H called again this morning asking how my night was I said it was good, slept well etc etc
So made it through the day much better than I thought I would. I consider that a positive.
Well, thought I'd better check in and post here so Colleen doesn't come back and give me a hard time.
It's still pretty positive in this neck of the woods. We had a minor test of our R on Sunday, but weathered it well.
Positives:
1. H is telling me his plans ahead of time and asking if there is anything going on prior to making them (most of the time). 2. H continues to spend lots of quality time here at the house. 3. H made a point of attending D9's hockey games last weekend. 4. H has been pitching in around here - alot. 5. Immediately after our R test on Sunday morning, I made myself scarce, while he cooked brunch for kids. He sought me out and got frisky. Later in the afternoon, we played while kids played. 6. H stopped by ball fields to watch the kids softball practice - (in the past he has stated that he sees no reason to go to every practice and game - but I think as a parent you do as you can and besides, how else would they get there? However, I will do what I do and he can do what he does - I don't hold it against him. I may not understand or agree, but I won't own his choices.) 6. I mentioned to H that I was having a garage sale this weekend and asked if I could move classic car into back yard so I could set up during the week - not only did he come over last night and move the car for me, but tonight came over, hung a tarp to block the view of our third stall so I could put our stuff back there, but also set up tables and built an extra one from some sawhorses and a sheet of plywood! Wow! 9. Then he ran to the store quick to get some new peddles for S5's bike since one fell off and he looked rather pathetic riding without it.
So folks, I am still perplexed as to why he doesn't live here. So PATIENCE continues to be my mantra! And I continue to act "AS IF".
Hey - also gotta share that the silent auction I headed for the school's carnival last week grossed over $2K. Not bad since the PTO had decided not to do it since they thought there wasn't enough time (2 months?!?!) - and I volunteered to do it.
Busy week though - S5 turns 6 on Friday so having party on Sunday for his buddies and for relatives sometime this weekend - TBD, D9 has two hockey games, having garage sale on Fri-Sat, and have a project to work on for one of my consulting gigs. So life goes on, just wish my H was a constant in it!
totite
"Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative..."
Why isn't your H living there? He may be scared, who knows. But, with ALL the positives I see, I'd say he will make the decision on his timeline. It is just a matter of you proving to him that the changes you have made in you are permanant! He will make the jump back, it is just a matter of time. So have patience and know that IT WILL happen! All in good time!
I'M SOOOOO HAPPY FOR YOU!
Your H is showing you he loves you, let that be enough for now.
Nothing wrong with your life...other than an H who isn't living at home. I'd just go with all the positives, keep your PMA up, eventually your H will return to your "home." I would say family, but he's there, just not in the same house.
Your D is still playing hockey? I would have thought it would be over by now. What position does she play anyway?
Thanks for stopping by. I have been running around like crazy between school stuff, sports, etc. My S5 turns 6 on Friday and I just put together the relative gathering tonight for it. I am doing a garage sale from 9-5 on Friday, having company for dinner, the sale again on Sat, then D9's hockey game, then making a crocodile cake, then on Sunday doing party for 6 or 7 little boys (Crocodile Hunter - hence the homemade cake - last year I made a jeep for the same theme)
So you wonder why I love my new high-speed internet? I can come on here, say hi to you and get back to whatever I was doing!
Yes Cathy, my D9 is playing spring hockey. It got her another 13 hours on the ice, 1 practice and 12 games. It is a 10 and Under Girls team which has been so fun to watch since she played co-ed during the winter on the Advanced Mites. She was playing forward, but asked the coach if she could try defense and really likes it. We'll see where she ends up. She has the size for D, but needs to work on her speed and skating backwards.
She has two games left this weekend and two next weekend then she is done. But she and my son have their first ball game on Tuesday and have been practicing on M & W the past two weeks.
Anyway, I can't believe it - but tonight my H drove to his cousin's (30 miles away) to pick up the table she had of ours so I could use it for the garage sale! Then he spent a few hours in the garage clearing off the shelves so I can use them for the sale? Go figure!
The neighbors stopped up to drop off some stuff and he sat and chatted with them - who is this man in my H's body?
But seriously, I really appreciate his help and tell him that often. He really is here in body and spirit so much more these days. I too think it is just a matter of time before he comes home. But I don't say a word to him about it and just let him know I appreciate him.
This weekend I had originally planned the b-day party for the family on Sat night after the hockey game, but forgot it was the fishing opener in the neighboring state and he always goes. So I called my folks and MIL and rearranged it. He said he'd stay home but I told him no, that I had unintentionally made the error and I would fix it. So it will work out for everyone. And luckily the folks were available to switch - whew!
Well ladies, I still have work to do on this garage sale now that the kids are asleep - so I'd better go. I'm beat too!
Thanks as always for your kindness and support. It means more to me than I can say!
totite
"Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative..."
We have a garage sale coming up, hoping to get rid of lots of junk. Where does it all come from.
It is hard being patient, isn't it? But it is about the only thing to do. Sure, it seems like they have it all, but if they did, then they wouldn't be so confused. He'll be home. As soon as he gets that head screwed on straight. Now if we could only figure out how to do if for them! A few suggestions come to mind, but most would probably land me in jail!
.
