I have started writing here a half dozen times, and stopped myself because I wanted to post a good happy update. Jaye, Wonka, Magic, uRw, Pud, Complicated, Portia, FY, Nero, thanks for your advice, I have read all that you wrote about not putting up with H's rude behavior over and over. FY, I tried your method of asking what he had said when he grunted. He just glanced at me and turned back away. Sheesh.
Jaye, yes, I put my GALs in uRw's box with my heart LOL! I'm taking them out and dusting them off.
My number one new GAL -- I made an appointment with my old IC for this Saturday. I saw her a couple of times last spring, and she was horrified at the treatment I'd been putting up with for 4 years, and wanted to "work on me" to improve my self esteem to the point I would be strong enough to kick H out. We had a big argument about MLC (she feels it does not excuse bad behavior). I stopped going because all I did was cry through my visits, and felt I could cry for free at home, and because, as incredible as this sounds to me now, I did not want to improve my self esteem. I just wanted to be strong enough to survive until H's MLC was over and he magically fell in love with me again. Well I can see THAT isn't happening anytime soon, and will go back and do the work this time.
Number two -- (sorry Portia) I have five hearings coming up in the next few weeks. Lots of legal writing, yea LOL!
Number three -- my sister and her husband from NC, and my brother from FL and his family (my beloved niece is adopted from China, isn't that wonderful?!) are flying up to NY after Christmas, and we are all going out for dinner with my dad. H has already informed me that he is not going. So what else is new? It will be more fun without him anyway.
Number four -- my MIL is having a trim-a-tree party the weekend before Christmas. She's 82 and can use a bit of help, although she's pretty much a fire cracker for her age. I wonder if H will leave fantasy land long enough to go to that?
Number five -- I just got a long overdue hair cut and look fabulous dahlings!
Number six -- reading four good books, two self help, one on dealing with depression, and one, one of those light hearted murder mysteries involving cooks and giving lots of recipes, just for fun.
Number seven -- my boss in the ER decided for some strange reason that, after 32 years as a nurse working alternate Christmas eve and Christmas day, seniority should count for something and I have both days off from work. My oldest son, DIL and grand kids are coming down Christmas eve to spend the night. That will be so fun! I guess I'll put them all in my room (the former MBR), and sleep on the couch. I can't wait!
Number eight -- this is sort of up in the air, but am vaguely planning a field trip with uR to Pittsburgh to meet TVS. But something fun to look forward to! Going to try to talk Nero into coming.
That's all! Carry on! Love you guys!
Linda
Me 65, Ex 64 M 38 y 2 adult S, 4 G-Kids MLC 11/07 BD 12/09 D 3/14 Dating nice guy 7/14 Engaged to nice guy 12/17
RL, You've put up w/some very bad/rude behavior from your h. I'm so sorry he's like this and really there is no excuse for it.
If your h doesn't want to participate in any of the upcoming activities w/family and friends, then leave his sorry @ss at home. He can sit there and grunt to himself and RT all he likes. Go out w/you family and friends and enjoy the holiday season. My word, you've earned it and yes, you and uR need to do a road trip. You would enjoy yourself.
Don't allow your h's antics to bring you down. I know it's very difficult when you have one acting out around you and under the same roof, but sometimes, you have to just ignore him and go on w/your life. I know you love the man, but maybe it's time to start allowing him to take care of himself in all ways, cooking, laundry, etc. He'll never grow up nor appreciate you if you don't change the dynamics a bit.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Job, I have been trying really hard to get Rosa to change things up a bit and do something different. Trust me. I think we may have to tag team her a bit. LOL!
Whew, I was expecting (...yes I know ) an intervention. Actually it might be a great idea. I have come to realize I truly need a LOT of help. I can just picture you all in a line with 2x4s in hand LOL
RL, The next time your h grunts at you in the way of a response, turn around and ask him if he is having indigestion or a bad case of gas. That should rock him just a bit.
Rosa, you have been a kind, loving and giving w to your h, but as you can see, he's getting worse, not better, so you need to start making some changes and those changes are for you. If you fix a meal and he doesn't come to the table on time, don't wait on him. If you are invited somewhere and he doesn't make a move to go, don't wait on him. If he's got laundry that needs to be done, don't do it. If he asks you why you haven't done it...GRUNT! That's the new language from the Mother Planet. No more special favors. He goes to pick up his prescriptions, etc. If he wants to act like a total @ss, then give him something to truly grunt about. It's time he realized that you are not his mother or his maid.
As for the RT, I wouldn't give another thought to her because quite frankly, she's useless. Let him grunt to her for a while and I bet she comes up w/another home remedy for that too!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
