Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Coming Back To Life

You can do this BF. You have the knowledge and the skills to deal with it when it comes. You have us.

You can do this. Sometimes I envision in my head how I would react if he said something awful. I imagine acting calmly and use the db skills I have learned. I imagine myself calm, cool and collected, a woman of grace. Then when I usually imagine him saying the worst things...it doesn't happen. Most likely because he felt the calmness. Create a safe place for you and him to talk.

Often times when I don't know what to say, I say nothing, but show him that I am really listening by stopping whatever I am doing and looking at his face. I still say nothing.

I may have a million thoughts racing around in my head, but I don't let on. It works, he speaks more than he ever has...(which is still not much, lol)

You can do this.

2Times, thanks for stopping by. I know I have to prepare myself. I just don’t know how. I’m sure he is not going to stay in the house, he will stay with his brother. I assume he will come to the house, because his car is parked here. I don’t if it will be just a brief visit to pick up the car, or he will bring a D subject again. I don’t know if he will want to pick up more of his stuff. I don’t know how much of a conversation we will have. I’m pretty sure there will not be any R talk, just general “how are things, etc.”

This is where I’m so confused. It looks like we are done, he never wavered on this since last October. But then, there is still so much unfinished business and no indication of it to be finished (unless he will want to file for D while he is here.) We are not really friends like he wanted us to be. We are not enemies. I just don’t know who I’m in relation to him anymore.

Pud, I guess we posted at the same time. Thanks for the encouragement. I’m sure he will not anything hurtful. The most hurtful thing I’ve heard from him was already said last year, when he told me that he was not in love with me anymore and he was starting the next phase of his life after me. I can validate and stay calm, no problem. On the opposite, I’m afraid that I will not communicate enough, like I did before. I’m just not feeling easy for some reason.

I will keep working on these feelings and try to find out what holding me up and scares me the most.

You can handle it Bright. I have NO, NONE, NADA doubts. Really, whatever comes up, you will be fine.

Stick to the script. Calm, soothing voice, validate you hear his feelings, smile and, then, when it's over, go get drunk. After you post what happened here, of course!!

Thanks, Heather. And thanks to all of you ladies, for the words of confidence.

I received a call this morning about the job interview I had a few days ago. They said that the company finalized 4 people so far who had the interviews at the same time with me, and I’m not one of them. My mood immediately sank to the lowest level. I’ve been trying really hard to fight the negative thoughts and not let them affect me.

My health insurance is going to end this month. Yesterday I had a call with my old insurance agent and he made it sound so confusing for me get a new plan. I need to do more research, I just have no energy to do it…

I went for a walk with my dog, I stood on the sun at the park and felt like I just wanted to disappear from the face of the earth for a while and come back when all of this is over. I feel so exhausted and drained. With everything…

I feel like I’ve been fighting for something for the last 18 months, and I no longer know what it is. Is it myself? Is it the imaginary relationship with my H? It is no longer there. He doesn’t even show any concern or interest in me or my situation. I hate it that I still have hopes. I hate it that I still cannot make the final step myself. I don’t want to deal with it. I’m tired of fighting with the feelings of sadness, anger, despair… I want a magic switch in my head to turn, so I would not care anymore.

I know my situation is not the worst out there. I just need to take it day by day now. Well, I have a gift certificate to a salon, so going for a facial today.

Bright, enjoy your facial...relax and be still.

this day, these thoughts will pass.

Courtesy of RockJC.



I've never run a marathon, but I've heard there is a "wall" you hit where you just want to stop. It's too much. But, I've also heard people talk about the euphoria you feel after it's done. I suspect we will reach that point if we keep going. Keep going Bright. You're not alone.

Hope that facial is awesome!!

Heather, thanks for posting this. I read it on our thread and it resonated with me big time.

I was really never a marathon runner… Just don’t have enough lung capacity… Running long distance has been always so painful to me… I do 5K every year, and I run 3 rounds around the park a few times a week, but this is about it. I guess I’m so tired and not cut for a marathon…

Saw the chargers on business CC. It looks like H thrown a bog party, holly cow, huge charge… And he is staying at the motel again, in his base town where he used to rent a room. I sent him an e-mail with updated company file yesterday and asked him what he wanted to do with the checks that came for him (for business invoices). I know he checked his e-mails. But… there is not reply. I’m so tired of this sh!!t.

My Mom got on my case today and I told her that I wanted everybody just to live me alone. She is leaving this weekend, going back home. She told this to me and said that I didn’t talk to her. I don’t know what to talk to her about. I don’t want to listen to her negative sh!!t, and I don’t want to discuss me. Now I feel like a horrible person, who deserve every bit of punishment the universe it having for me.

Oh bright I am sorry you are feeling confused and fed up. It's such a familiar feeling. I'm tired. I'm tired of being an irritation to H ( that's how it feels- like someone he has to put up with because I birthed his children). More lately I feel on the verge of tears.. Maybe the holidays really do affect us all.

I know you are apprehensive about H. But you can so this. I like heather's advice- stick to the script, post, and have a drink or more. You are emotionally stewed and you need to find a way to let go of some of the anxiety. I am sorry about the job prospect BF. I believe there is something better out there for you.

Jack once termed my frustrations with the 'nothingness' of the sitch as the doldrums of DBing. That helped and still helps me when I feel an anXious for movement and answers.

Keep focusing on you BF. We are here for you.

Thanks, Busting. You are the one who always has patience with my wining. I don’t think you are an irritation to your H, he is just trying to keep his distance because he doesn’t know how to resolve his own issues. I hope one day you will learn the truth and it will not be what you think.

I cried a lot yesterday, but it more about the work situation than anything else. I’m just getting so scarred. It’s never been that long when I could not find a new project. I hope you are right and there is something even better for me out there.

Well, H replied to m e-mail where I asked him what he wanted to do with the business checks. He put quite a few sentences and it is very polite. He gave all the numbers on what he wanted to pay himself, upcoming expenses, pending invoices, and also about the expenses for his trip south (didn’t mention the cities by name.) He told me that he is planning to start driving south tomorrow. Then he asked my opinion about whether to cash the checks or not. He put “What do you think”, without a question mark. It is like he doesn’t really expect an answer from me?

Based on the expenses he mentioned for the trip south, I assume that he is driving his camper, it eats a lot of gas. So, I need to be prepared for him taking more of his stuff from the house. Maybe his plan is to establish the residence in that state where he works. Maybe he found a OW. Speculation again, sigh… When I looked at his expenses again though, I only saw a few days where he charged more for food. The rest of the time it looked like the meals for one person. So, my assumptions about an OW might be wrong.

I think the trip south means stopping by his state to see his high school friends and sister. And of course, it means partying. Is he ever going to be tired of that?

In any case, I’m just trying to process this last communication. Maybe he is starting to feel more comfortable to deal with me, so his idea of being “best friends” seems real now to him.