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It's difficult to back far away when I see her every 2 days to pick up/drop off my son and she is also now seeking discussions between us about our finances and marital home.



There is certainly lots or anger and hurt in there. I feel angry that she is just giving up without trying when she promised me "for better or worse" and hurt that she can just go from a 14 year relationship to being so cold.

The hardest thing is how cold she is being about everything, her refusal to talk, she has just completely shut herself off.

I am trying to GAL, detach & follow the principles of Divorce Busting/Divorce remedy.

My biggest problem right now is handling this situation regarding our family home.

I don't want to do things that are going to make the situation worse, cause a bigger disconnection and make reconciliation impossible when I could possibly handle it in a way that would have a positive impact on our relationship.

Some people are saying that moving out of the home so she can move in would show weakness & that she would lose respect for me, but you could also argue that she would probably be expecting me to resist so not resisting would actually be doing a 180.

The point is also that she might end up forcing me out in the end anyway, so resisting could cause more problems & still end up with the same result.

Giving in and rolling over isn't attractive. That said you can stand up for yourself and do it lovingly.

I would not move out, she left, she needs to figure out what she needs on her own, that is why you need to focus on you and not get in her way.

I would highly suggest IC if your not already. Your W sounds like she has many issues as well, but that is on her, she has to figure that out on her own.

If you haven't read some threads on here, it helps.

I currently have the opportunity to attend mediation which, with my limited knowledge, I believe would be preferable than things going to court.

The original assessment meeting was scheduled for yesterday but I cancelled due to simply not having time to get all the financial records together in the short time they gave me.

I have now decided that I would actually prefer to put the mediation off until January as it would be costly for me to close my business to attend in the run up to Christmas. My business really slows down in January.

However, my wife has said she is not willing to wait until January and threatened court action.

I am now deliberating whether to call her bluff and stick to my desire to attend in January or whether I should go out of my way to attend before to take advantage of the opportunity of mediation rather that court proceedings.

Did you share the reasoning with your W?

I guess I would suggest being honest with her about your reasoning and then state that is what you need. I don’t think I would postpone to call her bluff, but stand my ground for valid reasons that are known to all.

Yes, I explained this to her and she said she couldn't wait until January and that she wanted me to move out of the house. When I refused she got angry and threatened court action instead.

I was under the impression that we were going to mediation to discuss our finances, the fact she wants me to move out of the house was a surprise to me. The last I knew she was looking for somewhere else to live (she is living at her parents now).



When I said "call her bluff" I meant just not be pressured into doing it sooner than is convenient just because of the threat of course action.

However I can't help thinking that if she did initiate court action I might come out worse off than mediation and therefore might regret not jumping at the opportunity of mediation when I had the chance. Standing my ground, even for valid reasons, could be a risk.

I would be very interested to hear anybody's opinion on making your spouse aware of your intentions to become the best person you can be, because it is the right thing to do, regardless of what happens to your relationship.

In my view I don't see that this goes against any of the Divorce Busting principles. It isn't pleading or needy and actually draws their attention to the fact that any changes you are making are not manipulative.

I would be interested to know other peoples views on this.

Telling your W your intentions to change will likely do nothing, other than remind her of the things that she does not like about you. You need to start taking action and stop talking about the changes that you are going to make. This is a long and hard process. Even if you start to make changes and your W notices, she will still view at as you doing it to win her back. But you need to keep moving forward and make the changes for YOURSELF. The hope is that you will be in a better place, a man that only a fool would leave. Maybe your W will begin to believe that your changes are real and maybe she will make to start a new relationship with you. But you need to focus on what YOU want to change and get working on it.

^^^Yup, that