Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers It's Not Over 'Till It's Over

What about when I just text my wife to reminisce about our son & sharing thoughts about how he is growing up etc. Should this also be avoided? She is the only person I have this in common with.

Last week I sent her a text about something and we had a pleasant exchange of 2/3 texts, other times she just completely ignores me like she didn't even receive it. It's infuriating.

I find this whole silent treatment, ignoring behaviour very childish. It's like being back at school. I just can not understand how an grown adult can act in that manner to anyone, even a stranger, never mind someone you just lived with for 14 years.

Sometimes she can be so nice, pleasant & chatty & another time just blatantly ignores me like I don't exist.

Hiya, F4MW.

I've been following your sitch from afar and do want to share a bit about "hot/cold" W.

In my sitch, it took about 9 years before Ms. Wonka and I were able to have some semblance of back and forth contacts. It is the 'Berlin Wall' the WAS erects up to put emotional distance between us. If I recall correctly, Bond's wife did not talk to him for 3 years.

Try not to take this personally, F4MW. Just have to be patient and keep chipping away at that wall. Be careful of judging your W. She's in tons of pain that you can only imagine.

Oh and I've never been on AD meds throughout all the 'journey.' It is a personal choice for each one of us.

Yes melissag you are right R does mean relationship talk. I was just pointing out that I wasn't intending to plead or beg for reconciliation but more just interested in understanding the reasons for her decisions.

Thanks so much for posting



Wow, that is a long time. I am not sure I have that much patience.



It's hard not to take it personally.



I can imagine someone taking Anti-depressants if they have a medical chemical imbalance that is causing depression but this is a natural grieving process that is taking place because of the circumstances. I don't believe in interfering with a genuine natural process.

W's reasons are one massive, messy ball of yarn and it'll be messy trying to unravel it all. You don't want to go there. And just why are you still looking in W's direction? For some smoke signals?

Why do you "hafta" to know the reasons? What is really bothering you down deep inside?

Before we were married she promised me that she would never leave "no matter what" & then we married and vowed "for better or worse, till death us do part".

She is the only person I have ever trusted with all my heart & that has just been totally destroyed.

I feel like I want to know the reasons because I don't know how else to accept that someone who I trusted & who made promises to me has gone back on those promises. I want to know the reasons to explain or understand how those promises can be broken.

I still think you're barking up the wrong tree man. Forcing her to answer those questions will only throw her guilt in her face and she won't appreciate that.

Also, she may not know or be able to verbalize the answers and you probably will not understand them. Your perspective and hers are just so far apart right now that it becomes almost impossible to understand the other person's point of view.

I would consider taking some time and really trying to figure out for yourself what you have done in the past that may have contributed to the problem. Then work on improving those areas.

I am definitely not planning on "forcing" her to answer anything. From the advice here I probably will not attempt to ask her if she is ready talk or anything like that at all. I was just answering the question of why I feel like I needed to know the reasons for her decisions and that is why I feel like that deep down. It doesn't mean I am going to act on that desire though.

I think I have figured out some of the things I have done that have contributed to the problem and have already begun working on improving those areas. I do wish my wife would believe that though.

I understand this. I got the same promise too.
Understand that your W did not arrive at her current decision in a day or two. It probably took her months or years to do so.
Her love tank is pretty much used up.


Good stuff.
Recognizing your faults and owning them is the right way.
I guessed you have hit rock bottom. This is when things become very clear to you regarding your actions and/or inaction in your M.


Do it for you. Not for anybody else.