I have no effort. I have anger, hatred almost, I get attacked and abused. I get blame.
I don't have many options heather. H wants this divorce to LIVE. How can I possibly fight a man that feels if he stays with me with DIE? I can't. There is no way for me to explain that the mask goes on then you take some deep breaths? He can't even see the mask let alone put it on.
Maybe too soon for me to move on Heather? Sorry, I'm not sure what you're meaning??
The women in my family are strong stock. We're all crazy, full on! Lol, but our faith and strength has moved mountains. My great aunt, the one I ask about dreams, got the slightest bit of news her h was having an affair (she's in small town southern Italy with two kids and he's in canada) she packed up her kids got them on a ship and onto Canadian soil. Not her!! My grandmother's unbelievable faith in God allowed her, with a h and two babies in tow, to sit on the steps of a church, straight off of a ship, and literally beg God to find them a home and jobs.....we still attend that same church. I could go on. Every time one of us is I crisis the women come together and remind you exactly who you are and where you came from and how failure is not even an option. I get a regular litany of last names from days gone by.....not even kidding. Lol if I wasn't strong at this point they would have eaten me alive......scarier thought than facing H let me tell you. Hahaha
M 16 T 20 M 41 H 39 S 19 S 15 Bomb drop April 4; Moved out April 13 D started-full force ----------------------- Dancing through the fire Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR
I like Heather's rewording of your question about your H finding you worthy Rosa. What do you mean by the word "worthy?" Do you mean are you deserving of respect effort and attention? Did you earn those things?
From what I know of you, I think that you have. You have been a good, loyal, faithful and loving wife. You have supported your H and raised his children. You have kept his home, and even thru his insanity, have been honest and upright in your dealings.
You are a beautiful woman inside and out. Yes, I would vote that you are worthy.
You ask how you can possibly fight a man who feels he will die if he stays with you. I guess you can't. My H has said that to me too, that living here with me is killing him.
All we can do is let them go Rosa. Love them enough to let them take the steps they need to complete their journey. Give them up to the Lord. It's hard, I know, I struggle with it daily.
Job posted a link to a great thread she wrote about depression. I'll find it for you. I'm reading a good book about depression. Some of the "unofficial" symptoms of depression the author listed include being selfish demanding and unconcerned about the needs of others, distrusting of his partner's affection, being contrary combative and finding fault with everything, demeaning and critical of his partner, unpredictable illogical and unreasonable, manipulative, and prone to sudden inexplicable references to separation or divorce,
Any of them sound familiar? I think your H read that page!!
Linda
Me 65, Ex 64 M 38 y 2 adult S, 4 G-Kids MLC 11/07 BD 12/09 D 3/14 Dating nice guy 7/14 Engaged to nice guy 12/17
Thank you everyone. Didn't see the posts from job and heather before I posted my last updAte.
Got off the phone with my lawyer, H's lawyer has been out of town! yeah ok! and just got back. Amazing it's one day after he says we're going to court. Anyway, I'll answer you all but I need to digest what H's lawyer said. H paying the visa is my child support and I've been unreasonable this entire time. OH YOU'LL LOVE THIS........he feels really bad about everything.
I'll get back soon........I'm trying to think of ways to breath.
M 16 T 20 M 41 H 39 S 19 S 15 Bomb drop April 4; Moved out April 13 D started-full force ----------------------- Dancing through the fire Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR
M 16 T 20 M 41 H 39 S 19 S 15 Bomb drop April 4; Moved out April 13 D started-full force ----------------------- Dancing through the fire Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR
WR, You've been married for quite some time and I do understand the questions that you are asking yourself. You've tried to reason w/this man and yet, he's not seen the light. You can go on w/your life and leave the door ajar and if God is willing to direct your h back into your arms, he will do so. But, until that time happens, you need to take care of you and your sons the best way that you can. Your h isn't providing for them...YOU are. you're right Job. He does nothing for them
Now, I'm going to put another question to you...would you be thinking the way that you are about being unworthy for another man if your h had died? no,no I would not be. I very much understand that this is me wrapping my self worth in what someone else thinks of me. I need to work through this.
I can honestly tell you that there are many here on the forum and in real life that go on to make their lives successful. Some meet future spouses and those new spouses treat them like kings and queens. The relationships are more mature, the love is more genuine and trust me, both parties are worthy of each other. that sounds lovely......I pray I can find that
Just because you divorce, it doesn't mean that you can't work your way back to each other. In many cases, divorce has to be the final step in order to get financial assistance w/alimony, child support and yes, to protect your assets, your credit card debt, etc. It doesn't mean it's the end of the line for the two parties. it's a deal breaker for me...
I want to make it abundantly clear, I do not advocate divorce, but when it comes to abuse of any kind , addictions, and/or a financial crisis whereby the family needs support and can't get it any other way, I am all for it. But, like I have said many times on this forum, only YOU can determine when you've had enough.
thank you job!!!!!
M 16 T 20 M 41 H 39 S 19 S 15 Bomb drop April 4; Moved out April 13 D started-full force ----------------------- Dancing through the fire Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR
If a man that I have shared EVERYTHING with thinks I'm unworthy why would any other man think I am??
Let's revise this statement to make it more accurate.
Quote:
If a very broken, troubled man with which I've shared everything thinks I'm unworthy why would any other, possibly-much-less broken man think I am?
This broken man you married...doesn't he also think it's ok to do all sorts of things that you and I view as selfish, irrational and sorta dumb? Why would you trust what he thinks right now in any area of his life?
very, very true heather.......why do I believe what this man thinks of me? Not like he's sane or anything
M 16 T 20 M 41 H 39 S 19 S 15 Bomb drop April 4; Moved out April 13 D started-full force ----------------------- Dancing through the fire Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR
