WR it is very tough - but of course this terrible parenting example is a root cause of MLC. Doesn't mean everyone who was poorly parented has a MLC, as some people have the insight and courage to sort themselves out, but I never heard of a full blown MLCer that came from a functional family.
How are you going to handle the situation? Are you invited? If not then you have to be upfront with your kids about it and tell them to have a great time, but you are not invited.
To be fair to my MIL she was unwavering in her support of me (his father, who died before all of this was a piece of work, and until his death MIL (also now deceased) supported him, but when she was on her own she became a much nicer person. Sadly she and my xh remained unreconciled at her death, which is one reason why I believe his crisis is so prolonged
WR, thinking of you. be glad for your boys. be strong for them.
it is interesting, how families behave.me, my sibs and mom are so close have such a genuine love for one another(dad passed away when I was 6). h never sees his sisters. sil's never see each other. they grew up with money and they are all jealous of one another. I would not want to be one of them! funny, I used to say to h that he was so different. maybe I spoke too soon??? I know my children have the same genuine bonds with another that I have with my sibs. It is a blessing! do something nice for yourself for xmas!!!
M48 H50 M21 T26 S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old PA confirmed 7/2012 H separates 9/2012 H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
I am most definitely not invited and the boys know that.
That's interesting you say that bea......his family is a barely if functioning family and, I now see, his dad suffered from an mlc for years. Many E and PA which also drove my mil to have a PA. His family's attitude is "oh that's too bad but as long as H is happy that's all that matters". I guess his attitude with his siblings is much the same as yours wbw. His parents have declared bankruptcy 3 times but there would be times of abundance as well. Mishandled and broke again. His sisters coddle him constantly......used to make me nuts! I used to say something along the lines as you're different from your family. You and I both spoke too soon I guess
My boys fight like crazy but are also best friends, deep down, I see it......it brings me a lot of comfort to know that they truly watch out for each other. Especially, S19, who's taken S14 under his wing.....I just need to watch that he doesn't take over dad role.....it's a fine line. Great blessing wbw!
I'll be with my family on Christmas Eve and I'm so happy the boys have decided to sleep with me to wake up here on Christmas Day, although H has made no move to ask for them to do so, and brunch with my sister and dinner with my parent's is already set. It just makes me so very terribly sad to think of them there without me.....
M 16 T 20 M 41 H 39 S 19 S 15 Bomb drop April 4; Moved out April 13 D started-full force ----------------------- Dancing through the fire Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR
I think H is worried about Christmas. Texted S19 last night asking if I'd talked to him yet. He responded "yes". H "and?" S19 responded he wouldn't know about work until about a week before. H asked will you be off at 8 at least? S19 responded yes.
8? If H picks up the kids at 8 it's 45 mins to sil's H dinner is over and everyone starts leaving at 11.
No other contact towards me since Friday......
M 16 T 20 M 41 H 39 S 19 S 15 Bomb drop April 4; Moved out April 13 D started-full force ----------------------- Dancing through the fire Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR
So I'm testing the waters this morning with H. Trying to be nice and ask a few questions. He messaged me this morning just after 8 about taking S14 to family movie night at his pt job. A stadium.
Hi W, I'm not sure if the boys have told you but BC Place is doing a movie night next Friday and I have asked both of them if they would like to go.. S19 had to check his work schedule and S14!says he thinks he is free can you please confirm that he is free before I rsvp. Thank you
I thought it odd that he'd ask me to confirm their schedules but I went with it....
Messaged him about an hour later I knew because I had seen the messages but didn't say anything.
Morning H That's great!! What's the movie? I asked S14 and he said he would like to go and I don't have anything planned for him. Is this dinner too or after?
he responded right away. It's a fundraiser for the Typhoon Haiyan so they are offering hotdogs and popcorn by donation we will probably grab a pizza if they are still hungry after.
I think s19 has to work but I'm glad that you'll have some time with Antonio and it's going to a great cause. He loves both! Have a great day!
What do you think? No response back but I'm not expecting one.......
M 16 T 20 M 41 H 39 S 19 S 15 Bomb drop April 4; Moved out April 13 D started-full force ----------------------- Dancing through the fire Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR
WR, Very nice responses...no pressure on him and I think as long as the texts remain neutral, he'll act like he's got some sense. He doesn't feel as if you are keeping his sons from him and this is a good start for building a co-parenting relationship.
Stay the course.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I think S19 is trying to adjust his hours and can meet us down there because he works close
No niceties so maybe I should stop? Just keep it clinical in response? I can't read him?
Thank you for responding so quickly job:)
M 16 T 20 M 41 H 39 S 19 S 15 Bomb drop April 4; Moved out April 13 D started-full force ----------------------- Dancing through the fire Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I said I hope he's able to do that. Would be nice for the three of you
Too much?
M 16 T 20 M 41 H 39 S 19 S 15 Bomb drop April 4; Moved out April 13 D started-full force ----------------------- Dancing through the fire Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
