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Hi 3, Happy Thanksgiving to you! I am so thankful to have found this group, too. I hope you have a great day, and happy birthday to your little guy!

That was a nice note from your H . . . good to know that the H you know and love is still in there somewhere. Now let's hope you get to see more of him!

Just venting....I made it through the day. We had a fun filled day and the kids had a blast. But I feel like a part of me is missing. I miss H so much. I miss our family. I miss his hugs and kisses. I miss joking with him and talking about plans for our future and our kids. This journey is so hard especially because I don't have my best friend to help me through it.

Hi 3. This is exactly how I feel too. Where did our best friends go? How can someone just turn that off...so hard.

I'm glad your day was fun and fun for the kids. That is so important to have great memories.

I hope you are doing well today.

Hi
agreed I think that is the worst thing. The speed and tbe loss

Life seemed fine one morning and a screaming car wreck by the evening.
How did I not notice things were that bad for so long.
I rationalise that the affair is the reason but as someone said to me if the marriage was so great he would not have benn interested in anyone else..ouch.

Hi
agreed I think that is the worst thing. The speed and tbe loss

Life seemed fine one morning and a screaming car wreck by the evening.
How did I not notice things were that bad for so long.
I rationalise that the affair is the reason but as someone said to me if the marriage was so great he would not have benn interested in anyone else..ouch.

3, I totally know how you feel. I actually did have a pretty good Thanksgiving, but of course then life went back to just this . . . missing my H and being a family. My kids always talk at bedtime and tonight my S7 (who is obsessed with math) said, "Mom, we spend 70% of our time with you, and 25% with Dad, and about 5% with both of you. The 5% is the best." Broke my heart.

It is awful, but 3, you are doing great. And no matter what happens, you will be OK, I just know it.

Thank you all for kind words of encouragement. I took a few days away to enjoy my time off and focus on the kids. Considering our current situation, Thanksgiving went really well.

On Friday, H asked to meet for lunch with the kids to discuss Christmas plans/gifts. I agreed and we were able to come up with a plan. We are going to keep things the same as prior years. H said that he is still confused and not sure what may happen in the future, but for now he does not want to make any changes. H even mentioned that maybe we will never need to discuss splitting holidays depending on how things go. I am not latching onto this comment, but took note of it because it is the first time since before BD that he mentioned the possibility of us being married in the future.

H talked for a while about how we thinks that we are much better parents now and how he really enjoys spending quality time with the kids. For two years, H spent no time at all with the kids and worked nonstop. He scheduled work first and then tried to squeeze in time after the fact. H said that he likes our current situation because now he is forced to schedules the kids and family time first and then fit his work stuff around that. I did a good job validating and complimenting him on a huge effort to schedule kid/family time first. I told him that the kids can see a huge difference and love time with daddy. I also mentioned that we don't need to be separated/divorced to have scheduled time and that we could easily integrate something similar into our lives if we were able to R. H agreed.

During our conversation, H mentioned that he hates that things are awkward between us and just wants to act normal around me. He explained that he wants to be able to do things that he feels like doing with me (he mentioned hugging me, play wrestling with me, taking me to the movies). He said that he does not feel comfortable because of the boundary that I put in place about not wanting to be friends while he is still in a relationship with OW. I could tell based on his comments that H thinks that if he starts to get close to me that I will automatically think that we are definitely R.

I tried to validate his concerns. I told him that I wish that we could be normal too and would be happy to do so if OW was not in the picture. I also explained that I understand that if we ever get to the point of trying to R, that it is a process and that we would be starting from scratch and I understand that there would be no guaranteed results (just like the first time we met and started dating).

Am I doing the right thing here? I honestly would love to have the attention from H and would love the opportunity to spend time with him one on one. But I think that he needs to end things with OW first, right?? I just want to make sure that I dont push him away and let me give up on us. Help.

HI 3

This conversations sounds really positivr.. well done

I think about the same thing but really.. can we really say let's start to reconcile while you are spending relationship time with someone else.
I think that has to be a boundary..

or what is the choice
Could you really think about beginning to reconcile while he returns to someone else??
I can't.
My H still sees the OW. He has said as much. We are not trying to reconcile. We still have not really talked things through but today I am OK with that..
Does hot chocolate have some magical properites.. drinking it makes me feel good.
so for me
If you want to be with someone else then you don't want to be with me . That is my boundary.

Another question - H always complained that I was not confident and did not flirt. OW is a huge flirt. I know that I should probably not flirt with H (right?), but should I just try and act really confident and bubbly when we are around others and/or even when we are alone with the kids? I actually feel pretty confident right now and am proud of the changes I have made. But I find myself trying to be more reserved so that I am just a friendly neighbor. Not sure how to balance the two?

3, it's a tough call to know what things to put in place when they are so all over the place.

My suggestion, is to flirt if YOU FEEL like flirting. Remove any expectations from the flirting and just do it because you feel like it, not that he wants it. If you do it now, he may feel like it is a ploy and not real, so keep that in mind.

This is one of those things you can try experimenting with and if it doesn't go well, then stop.

I know others might tell you it's too early to do these types of things, but I think you have to fit it to your situation. You will know when it is right. And only do it because you want too.