I agreed with his complaints that I shouldn't have waited and I should have listened to his needs. I told him that I've done a lot of soul searching and I have no interest in continuing to miss out on so much. I told him that I've found my confidence again and I never want to go back to being that person.
He cried and brought up examples of when he'd want to do something and I would turn him down. I just apologized and told him I don't know what to say except that I 'get it' now.
Me:33 H:35 M: 12 years D-15 S-6 Bomb: 6-2013 OW: 11/2013 Kids and I moved out: 11/2013 when he continued to lie about affair Kids and I moved back in 12/2013 H moved out 2/2014
My H and I are going to Retrouvaille this weekend. We agreed to this a few weeks ago. He seems committed to going, but very distant from me. Is it a good idea to go with our current sitch?
I don't know if this will help or hurt our relationship.
Me:33 H:35 M: 12 years D-15 S-6 Bomb: 6-2013 OW: 11/2013 Kids and I moved out: 11/2013 when he continued to lie about affair Kids and I moved back in 12/2013 H moved out 2/2014
Melissag-I've read your original story. Trying to see where you are at now. What thread are you latest posts about your sitch?
Me:33 H:35 M: 12 years D-15 S-6 Bomb: 6-2013 OW: 11/2013 Kids and I moved out: 11/2013 when he continued to lie about affair Kids and I moved back in 12/2013 H moved out 2/2014
Thanks labug, I have a tough time with validating. My instinct is to get defensive when my H says negative things about me/our marriage.
When I got the bomb, my H said he had no emotions and felt 'nothing'. Then he went into anger fits and almost vengeful behavior. Now he seems to be getting emotional and tears lately. This truly is a rollercoaster. I have to dig deep and find patience.
Me:33 H:35 M: 12 years D-15 S-6 Bomb: 6-2013 OW: 11/2013 Kids and I moved out: 11/2013 when he continued to lie about affair Kids and I moved back in 12/2013 H moved out 2/2014
Well, called my H to touch base with him today. He seemed very down and short with me. We are riding together to daughters Bball game tomorrow. He will meet me at my parents home. He also said 'We can talk more about it tomorrow' which is his new thing that he says but never follows through with.
He spewed a little anger again about my GAL. My 180 seems to be really hurting/bothering him that I seemed so unwilling to be open to going out and socializing before when he asked me and now I've become a social butterfly. He sees it as me wanting to do these things 'without him' now. He personalizes all my behavior as purposely hurting him. Ugh!! I am feeling so hopeless about our situation. I long to just have our friendship again! Hurting today...hope I find strength with prayer, IC tomorrow and support from everyone here!
Me:33 H:35 M: 12 years D-15 S-6 Bomb: 6-2013 OW: 11/2013 Kids and I moved out: 11/2013 when he continued to lie about affair Kids and I moved back in 12/2013 H moved out 2/2014
Well, called my H to touch base with him today. He seemed very down and short with me. We are riding together to daughters Bball game tomorrow. He will meet me at my parents home. He also said 'We can talk more about it tomorrow' which is his new thing that he says but never follows through with.
He spewed a little anger again about my GAL. My 180 seems to be really hurting/bothering him that I seemed so unwilling to be open to going out and socializing before when he asked me and now I've become a social butterfly. He sees it as me wanting to do these things 'without him' now. He personalizes all my behavior as purposely hurting him. Ugh!! I am feeling so hopeless about our situation. I long to just have our friendship again! Hurting today...hope I find strength with prayer, IC tomorrow and support from everyone here!
BG, your switch doesn't sound hopeless to me at all. First off, your H has noticed your GAL and 180s. Second, he is angry about them. Of course, we'd rather he like them and decide that you two should R, but the fact that he has a reaction is good, because it means he still cares. He just needs to know that you have finally figured things out, and you are happier this way, and that you would love for him to share in your newfound activities. Third, I don't know much about Retro, but I do know that if your H is willing to do something like this, he must be fairly invested in your M. I *wish* my H would agree to do something like this.
So, I think you have a lot of positives going for you right now. Keep your chin up, keep your PMA, and keep doing the good work you are doing!!
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
Hey BG sorry you are having a rough day. This is where that detaching everyone talks about comes in. Your day and your mood isn't dependent on his words and actions.
My H is really angry at me as well for finally making changes he claims he has been talking about for years. I have to keep reminding myself that it is his problem if he doesn't like it ir doesn't believe me. .. And then get back to what I am doing for myself.
Me 44 H 42 M 10 T 12 (at time of BD) Ss 20 16 S11 (special needs)
BD 9/13 H "unhappy for years" moves to seperate bedroom 10/13 EA/PA confirmed but denied S and I move out 3/15
Juliegayle- What have your 180's been? Does he believe your changes are real or accusing you of just trying to win him back?
And, yes, DETACH-I am far from mastering that! Will keep working on it!
Me:33 H:35 M: 12 years D-15 S-6 Bomb: 6-2013 OW: 11/2013 Kids and I moved out: 11/2013 when he continued to lie about affair Kids and I moved back in 12/2013 H moved out 2/2014
