Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Still trying to get up that great Big Hill...

You're right tiger. After getting caught up on other's thanksgivings on here I AM thankful. Thank you for the sweet kick in the butt reminder.

I do want to see some anger in him. Any attention would make me feel like he cared. The indifference is really getting to me. It makes me wonder if I am indifferent too and should really just cut it off. Sigh.

Pud, that sounds like it was a lovely Thanksgiving and fajita dinner. It's these small moves that will bring him round.......stay the course. You're doing so well!!!

I don't get anything from H but extremely polite text messages, when he needs something or angry text messages when I've done something wrong. What I wouldn't give for a nice fajita meal together. Don't rush things just take is slow and steady:)

wr

Thanks Rosa, you're right too. I'm overlooking the small positives. It just feels like more of the same from him, stuffing down his feelings, appearing normal, and never letting on how he is really feeling. I feel like it has been this way since the first BD 7 years ago and then 3 before that. Never letting on that he had resentments or angry feelings. People keep saying I'm doing well and it really feels like nothing different.

Thanks for the foam pool noodle in the head!

Pud, don't overlook the small positives. It sounds like he was receptive to a little flirting and he cooked for you. My h did the same - made turkey noodle soup from the leftovers before he left. I look at it as an attempt at consideration in the best way he is capable of right now and accept it as a plus in our crazy, mixed up world.

As Whiterose said, stay the course. Dig down for that patience and hang in there.

Pudmuddle,
Sounds like Thanksgiving was a very good one for you and your family. I know you'd like him to progress a bit quicker, but it's far better that he is a "slow, but surely" type of man. The ice cream sounded delicious and it was nice that he came out and share a bit w/you.

Dig for more patience and the little positives are what counts.
Enjoy the rest of your weekend.

Thanks 2t,job, it's so hard to be patient. I hope that the consideration is a small sign of them still caring, like 2t said, in our crazy world.

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I've been having some thoughts I need to share, vent on.

The last time my H and I were going through issues and he was on his A, it took for me to be potentially 'dating' someone before he was hit with a shovel to realize what he was doing. This is what triggered him coming back into reality.

Then 25 years ago, when he thought he was going to lose me, because we had a fight, this triggered him to ask me to marry him.

My questions is, do I want to be with someone who is afraid of losing me? Or do I want to be with someone because they want to be with me? There is a huge difference in my mind. I want someone to stick around with me because they WANT to be there. Not because they are afraid someone else will grab me or that they can't stand someone else being with me. It seems like when the competitive side comes out and someone else might be interested in me or if I suddenly may not like him because we had a fight, THEN he is interested. That seems backwards to me if you love someone.

So now it has me mixed up on whether I should attempt to start dating someone...is that really how I want to get him back? I really want him to be here this time because he REALLY WANTS to.

Just kickin' around some crazy thoughts in my head. Does anyone else see the difference and can explain it to me?

Hi Pud, just catching up (late as usual LOL!) I can understand what you are saying, that you want your H to love you and want to be with you just because.... However, you are forgetting that he is in a MLC, and is not thinking clearly here. I have heard that sometimes it takes a sort of shake up to wake the MLCers up out of their confusion. So maybe the fear that he might lose you would be enough to make him realize what he may be giving up for that FloorMop.

But on the other hand, I don't think you should try to play a game and date someone to get his attention. My friend suggested I get all dressed up and go out to a bar last week, to sort of shake my H up. Well I did not have the nerve to go to a bar alone, but went shopping for the food pantry. But my H did not even notice, not a bit, that I put on a nice skirt and 4" heels and left. His eyes did not even flick in my direction. uRw told me that he could see right thru my ruse, because it WAS a ruse.

Also I sort of do not approve of married people dating. And it might not be fair to some guy who might really like you if you were only dating him to get your H jealous? Just some muddled thoughts, sorry.

Wow, that's a tough one, Pud.

I think if it was just an A and not a MLC, that kind of wake-up call is okay. I mean, we want them to realize they are messing up a good thing, dump the OP and come back to reality.

With MCL though, I'm not so sure. They have to complete the journey, I think. I shocked my h back to his senses 7 years ago by packing a bag and leaving for a week without telling him where I was. When I got back, he wanted to put things back together, but he never really committed to that and here we are again. I think when you interrupt their journey, they will sometimes pick up where they left off at some later date. IDK - it seems like my h did.

I'd like to hear some other opinions on this one. We want them to realize we are where they want to be, but is a shock back to reality good or bad?

Another thought ...

That kind of thing could backfire. My h told me he had checked out that over 50 dating site to see what kind of men I might find there! I think if I got involved with someone else, he would see it as justification for what he is doing and as a way to relieve his guilt.

I don't think I would go there unless I was serious about it.

We are together in that messy boat 2t. I think the same thing happened with my H 7 years ago too. He wanted to recommit but he was never fully finished with his journey. So here we are again too.

I think you are right on, that they have to finish their journey. You and I will have to be extra db this time to ensure they can complete it. I hope! Maybe they never will but then at least we know. Hugs to my 7 year MLC sister!