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Pud, some great discussion going on here. Give yourself some time to reflect.

Vitamin D is a good idea, especially this time a year. When I feel sad I put the music on and dance. I don’t do it when there is somebody in the house though, it is just not the same.

Hang in there. (((((hugs)))))

Hi BF, I am reflecting, probably too much lately, lol. Like right now, I can't sleep thinking about why the h#ll does he have to go over to Floormop's house on Thanksgiving. My mind is spinning with that this morning..YUCK.

I have been cranking up the music when no one is here.

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Journaling and venting here.

Ugh, I hate the mind spinning. I keep thinking about him going over to her house and laughing and smiling and being around other people, who don't give an F that he is a married man and has a family at home. He is such a friggin' fake and liar. I feel like going down to his room and writing in indelible ink MARRIED on his forehead with a heart so those messed up people would have to stare at it all day. I really dislike him right now.

I keep thinking too that if he did *ever* decide to come back to his senses and say I want to work on this, I would have to say I don't know if I'm ready for you to come back...

I want to be with someone who is willing to work on their own internal issues, as well as wanting to make their partner a priority, someone who is willing to work on all the terrible stuff life throws at you, together, not just stick around when times are good. I don't want to be the option because other things aren't working out for you. I want to be the one you come to when you have problems, because you want to, because you value my opinion, because you trust I will treat you well. I want to be the one you want to come home to, the one that you see clearly when you are out in the world and come up against temptations, that you will know deep in your heart that you love only me, so you will not even see a temptation. There is no fog of doubt, no desire worth more than what I mean to you. I want to feel in my heart that I can trust you wholly and completely as if there were never a doubt in our minds. I want to be free to love you and be loved by you.

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So I am going to take my S on Tgiving morning to a Turkey Trot downtown. It will be fun and hopefully a new tradition with S and I. I don't even care if H goes or is stuck at home until he leaves for Floormop's. Then S and I will go to the in-laws for turkey and fixin's in the evening. I will dress up and look amazing and I will be happy and loving...and just have fun!

Pudmuddle,
Sounds like you've got some fun plans for Turkey Day. I'm sure your son will enjoy the Turkey Trot...it should be interesting and funny. But most importantly, I'm glad you and your son are not going to be alone. I'm glad you are going to the in-laws. Dress to the nines and enjoy yourself. Leave the MLC monster at the door for the day.

OMGosh! This is EXACTLY how I feel today! I just asked my H last night, "so, what do your friends all think about a married man acting the way you do?" It was a bad night. Double UGH!

But, Pud, I am glad you are going to get out tomorrow and do the Turkey Trot with your S. GOOD FOR YOU!

I know you are frustrated but I hope today is better...and I think you are doing so well at working on YOU! I see positive growth in you everyday.

Pud,

I suffer from the big D, and SAD. My daughter, who also suffers as I, had her D checked in her blood; she is deficient. That may be another thing to check. She is on a prescription level of D.

I am on a super B complex as well. I've also heard that if you put your lamp on a morning timer to awaken you, it really helps for the day! We need to be careful with the amount of time though, for it can act just like an anti-depressant and cause mania if under too long!

Pud,

Sounds like you've got a great plan for Turkey Day. My mother works at a nursing home and has to work tomorrow. I think I'm going to go out for a run in the morning and maybe take my boys to go visit her and the folks at the nursing home tomorrow. Could be a great way to show my boys the meaning of Thanksgiving. Have to call mom tonight and make sure it's cool. I know they will be super busy tomorrow at work.

After eating too much, there will be loads of football on TV for me and the boys to enjoy. Best thing is, everything I have thought out for tomorrow can be enjoyed with or without W. She doesn't need to be there or want to be there. I would love it to be a full on happy family day, but this is a new life.

Thanks job, I'm hoping the Turkey Trot will fill us with fun and laughs, and endorphins!

Ang, thanks for saying you see positive growth in me, sometimes it really doesn't feel like it! I think we flip-flop as much as they do.

Ambi, great idea about the timer. I never thought of that. I know we have some spares around here. Good idea!

JF, what a great idea about the nursing home, that way you can see your mom too! I'm trying so hard to plan with or without him. It still just doesn't seem right. He's in nutville so those other nuts can have him. Maybe for Christmas I can roast his chestnuts on an open fire... >:) This IS a new life, good thoughts.

Spewed coffee moment

Perhaps all we ladies here can think of interesting ways of roasting chestnuts as the Yule tide approaches

Heehee NQ!

Bea, lol, How many ways are there to roast thy chestnuts, let me count the ways...