Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis "You're My Best Friend"

I totally second what RosaLinda said!!

You are handling those other women with such poise and class! I couldn't do it! Good for you! I know your H sees this, too, and realizes how much better you are...with your dignity and way that you hold yourself!

Anyway, thanks for your post on my thread today about my sitch. When you have time, I responded to you over there.

You have such wonderful insights into men like our H's....I truly appreciate every time that you make time to give me some uplifting!

HUGS!
~Ang

I totally agree with Ang here rH. What you posted on Ang's thread was EXTREMELY inspirational to me. I love the insight you now have and share with your own sitch. In fact I copied it so I can reread it over and over. It's so nice to hear all the pain and anguish you went through is now on the sunnier side and so hopeful. Thank you for sharing that perspective.

Say rH, when your H was in replay, did he used to ignore you when you were talking to him? My H drove me all over the county today looking at used cars (isn't that nice! ) and I forgot to STFU and tried to talk to him in the car a couple of times. But he ignored me. Did not even blink. But then a couple of seconds later started talking about something else. I don't know if he was deep in thought or what. But did your H do this sort of stuff? I don't WANT to STFU anymore. So am hoping that yours did this, and mine will stop doing it. Sigh.....

Thanks so much for all the comments everybody!

H and I are continuing to do well. I still have a few fears here and there. Last night when he went out to a sports bar with a guy-friend, I SO much wanted to ask him if Cookout Girl met them there. No reason to think she did, but that has happened in the past.

But....I remembered about respecting him and so I didn't ask. And in the morning H gave me more details. He never said that it was any more than him and the guy friend but I just have to trust. It's hard getting over these lingering doubts and distrusts.

But I do feel my next job, in working on our R, is to continue to move forward with my positive changes and also learning to respect him and appreciate him more.

I almost had this tendency to think I was "better" than him b/c he was the one who left and I didn't. I stayed home and kept it together. I was there for him when he came back weeping. So I had a feeling I was better than him.

I'm not. We are just different. And there are things about me I needed to change too! So...now I can work on this concept....I can respect him for the fact he provides, for who he is, for who he is becoming, and for the care and devotion he gives to me and the boys.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

In 2 1/2 weeks, his former drinking group of guys and gals are having a going-away party for one of them. He told me about it and said he wanted to go alone, if that's alright with you.

I said, of course!

But I really hate the idea. Those girls just hang on him and all. But you know, it would be so awkward for him to take me. All the rest are single with no BF's or GF's. So I understand.

And, plus, my H feels these people were there for him during a very bad time in his life. He looks at them as a support group. He enjoys the interaction with them and the attention from the girls. And it's not like I don't get plenty of attention from him, and of the right kind!

So...just another thing winding down from MLC. He said its a mini-reunion. I do need to be okay with it. He has been doing the right things in rconciliation. And he has not had something like this for a long time. I don't assume it will be late or anything. He said just a restaurant dinner, probably. I need to let it go. Just bad memories associated with that group for me. And I know the girls are clingy, catty, etc.

Wow! This just in!

H called me just now from work and we actually had meaningful communication, lol! He had been on FB looking at what my latest comments and likes were, and came across a news article that I had commented on, with loneliness as the subject.

He said he was reading the article and became "anxious" and couldn't finish it.

He also shared a video online that explored the thought of electronic communication making people feel more connected than they are.

So we talked about these things, and the issue of using the smartphone while you are in convo with other and things along those lines.

I know H has those feelings of loneliness and dissatisfaction with his life. But he doesn't often talk about them. Here he admits that his electronic usage has hindered not helped him. He said he is much funnier online than in person.

And he talked about someone he met recently at work that was older than him, smart, funny, wealthy, well-read and traveled. And you could tell H really admired the person.

I'm excited that this could be another step in his and my journey. It's obvious it's something he wants to work and "discover" who he really is inside. Not just an online persona.

Hi rH,

Some good stuff there!

Good for you recognizing your "superiority" feelings, and realizing they need to go...it's tough, isn't it? I struggled with those, and I would put money on it that THAT is a factor in W's slowness in reconnecting, the fear that I will forever be "better" than her, in my own mind. So, I have to keep showing that I don't feel that way, or think that way.

One thing here :



Just to let you know it is ENTIRELY possible for him to figure this ^^^ out himself. Some people can do it without a program, etc. You know H best.

You're a class act there, rH...H is one lucky man!

Second what T2 said. You are a class act sweet lady.

Yes, and the H I know will be able to figure it out on his own.

I guess you had hinted before in previous posts, T^2, about W being worried you would always have the upper hand emotionally with her. But, I know you can even it out, and obviously she trusts you, according to your most recent post!

Thank you also for your sweet compliments! They make a girl feel really good!


Too kind, girl, too kind! Thank you, though

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Just another brief, happy post before the weekend.

H & I didn't end up going to see fall foliage together last weekend b/c we took S14 hiking instead. So he wanted to go this weekend.

H: (home from work, in his comfortable chair, feet on the ottoman, eating homemade butter pecan ice cream and laptop in lap. He is playing an online car racing game with S14, who is in the next room.)

Me: H, what didju find for us for tomorrow night?

H: I didn't book anything. I just figured we will drive that way and stop wherever and whenever we want to.

His plan is to do some fall foliage hiking, then stay somewhere overnight. Short hike in the morning and then drive back home. Just the two of us.

I thought this very romantic!
I'd much rather have this outing than flowers or candy any day!
It's sorta like riding off into the sunset....

Oh, and T^2, not that flowers are a bad thing, of course! Every girl loves flowers! Just sayin'

I think that is completely romantic too rH. Sigh. Sounds so wonderful. Enjoy this special time.