Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums THE SEX-STARVED MARRIAGE How to convince resistant LD wife?

Yes sir!

I know this wasn't the problem you were dealing with, but would you have thought it was too much and too often if he jumped you by surprise about once ever day? Maybe skipping a day here and there, but then two or three times in a day on Saturday, etc.?


What if your husband wanted to try all kinds of different places, role play, etc.? And once a day?

Or are you a person who thinks you'd like this now, but after a few months or years you would want that only once a week or once a month? See, that was the "misunderstanding" in my marriage. My wife appeared all charged up and receptive to this at first, but apparently it was mostly the novelty and affirmation for her. I thought it meant that that's the way it was going to be. In fact, I thought it would get even better as we got to know each other sexually better. Of course, now I understand that I was naive to think that. But it still feels a bit like she did a bait and switch. Or as it's also been described, she did the "meet, mate and procreate" thing. But now that those functions have been fulfilled, she's done with sex.

I've more than once heard 2nd or 3rd hand about conversations between middle-age or older women, where one says to the other, "Thank god he's not interested in it anymore, because I'm done with sex!" or something along those lines.

When I was pregnant, no. When I was in my early 40's no! Those were really hormonal times for me. Now , yes. Every day is too much. Build up and a little denial makes for better sex.




Everything but once a day. It's just too much.




I think more than once a week, I know now how to get myself aroused. Before I didn't know how. Now if he didn't change his behavior, meaning I'm not put first, he doesn't try "new" things, share in the planning of possible surprises, and make an effort to speak my love language, date nights, well it would be hard to go there again.



Absolutely, many many women lose interest. It is VERY common.

When my bomb dropped on my head, I asked around. Every woman around my age could care less! I was shocked. For I always felt ashamed and thought I was abnormal. One of my friends told me about her husband begging her.

I was disgusted when she told me, for she laughed. I thought that was SO wrong. Another told me she told her husband that his beard hurt her. To please shave it off or she wouldn't have sex with him. He still has his beard!

I believe women need more novelty and also to learn that they can arouse themselves. They also need to express their hurt to their spouse. I buried a lot of pain, and it killed my libido.

I am curious about role play.

Is that when you play dress up, like when we were kids?

I think of role play as being almost anything where one or both partners are acting out a fantasy for themselves or for their partner, or both. So it need not be dressing up. It can be just the words you use, the situation, anything. Basically anything but the ordinary thing in the same old bedroom. It really depends on YOUR fantasy and your partner being willing to act it out in some way for you. Elaborate or simple.

OK, so a few concrete examples. Again, it so depends on YOUR fantasy, that any particular example might actually be a turn-off for you, or a turn-on. Some women might have a fantasy of being pressured to have sex with their boss. Or by seducing their male boss. Or the woman might be the boss seducing the male subordinate, or the other way around. See, already there are four combinations of boss and gender. Perhaps only one partner is into any one of those, but the other might then play along. Perhaps dressing up in business clothes would enhance the scenario.

It starts with what YOUR fantasy might be, and having a partner who is interested in talking about YOUR fantasies and having fun trying to pretend it with you. I could go on for pages, but there are entire books devoted to such scenarios. Certainly there is a lot of stuff with light BDSM. Surely you've heard of Fifty Shades of Grey?

Just a really dumb question on my part, because it's just the way I see it. If you liked it a lot one day, why wouldn't you want it just as much the next day? Are you in a state of recovery, being sore, or what? What is there to recharge?


Good answer. Good in the sense that it makes me feel better about my situation, though I'm not sure it makes me hopeful that things can improve.


I like your attitude! I'd feel better if my wife said she wanted to want, even if she didn't know how to make it happen.


Useful insight. It might apply to my wife as well.

I think it has more to do with tension. And yes, recharging is a great way to put it. One can become desensitized, and then it can be very frustrating.

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When I found a receipt that my H. had bought two chemises, a pantsuit, and a faux leather jacket, it made me think perhaps he was role playing with someone.

I know he did admit to me that seeing women in office attire was something that excited him.

I'm personally hoping it was a prostitute, so he doesn't become attached to anyone.

I think he thinks that I'm to prude to role play or experiment that way.

I'm trying to think of a way to let him know that I'm not.

He is in his MLC, but if I can ride along ( no pun intended ) I want him to try with me, rather someone else.

Now mind you , he is not under the same roof. Right now I only see him when he is hunting, right before...or after the day is done.

He'll be here for Thanksgiving, but I won't have any alone time with him.

I don't want to pursue, but he did respond well to the flirting the last time .

He kissed me on the mouth and kind of twinkled...

You're amazingly tolerant of your H's MLC, which is a good thing in some ways, like keeping you from doing irrational things. But on the other hand, I'm reminded of something I saw on a Dr. Phil show one time. The husband was in an MLC with a new girlfriend. His wife tried to understand and fix the problem, but he just continued with his MLC. The wife got angry and found a boyfriend of her own. When the husband found out he wanted his wife back and his MLC suddenly disappeared completely! Dr. Phil joked about it on the air when he said something like, "So, your midlife crises suddenly disappeared, just like that!" Yep, as soon as he found out his wife was also getting it on the side, that changed EVERYTHING. MLC over! Ha ha.

Yeah no!

Two wrongs don't make a right, and whether he has an alienator or is just experimenting, I'm not going there. He needs to do what he needs to do.

He didn't do this until after he left, about 4 to 5 months, so the way I see it...he has to run the course.

He is in a crisis, there is NO doubt on my supposition .

Too many tell tale signs. How he has been introspective, disappointment in himself, regrets over things undone, and done. Looking for "change" and having a mass of confusion he cannot sort through.

His emotions, and feelings are all jumbled, his words.

He has never said I don't love you. Matter of fact he has sought answers to why he wasn't desiring me. But I do believe this is changing. For I have physically changed and I am not exuding any sadness nor any anger. I actually never exuded anger. I listened and validated at the time he dropped the B.

I have listened since. I do know this...HE has to figure it out, and I told him this way back. I also told him I had confidence he would.

As long as he doesn't flaunt or contract some incurable disease, it is something he needs to discover. He may have been scared to death that he would never experience "excitement" again.

As long as he is kind and respectful to me, continues to be responsible, I'm willing to stand by my man. When and if I'm done, I will be done for good.

It has been slightly over 6 months, he is in the replay stage. Hopefully he will get tired of the life. I noticed he looks physically tired.

He's 55, and whether he wants to believe it or not, staying up late and getting up early takes a toll on someone's body.

He looks about ten years my senior and he's only 2 years 3 months older.

I have been getting my own self esteem stroking with my dance class. It not only is great physical release, and exercise but it allows me to talk with many different men. It allows for safe physical contact with many different ages. It is close contact, being held, and keeps one from being tempted.

I have had many men give me wonderful compliments and show their appreciation for my skill of dance and my physical appearance.

It does this woman some good, for I know I'm not an old work horse, but someone who is still vivacious and has much life to live!

I just want to jump his bones though! Ha! He is coming for Thanksgiving , and his brother who always comes will be too. So we are having a "family" day tomorrow.

I'm going to wear my V.S. bra and thong. It will help ME to feel sexy around him. I will wear something figure flattering and something that he can get a peek of my top if he so chooses. He is much taller than I , so that shouldn't be too difficult for him >;}

Is it true that men like the feel of silk or satin?

What things can I do that are VERY subtle to spark him?

Remember my adult daughters will be around...

Any suggestions, ideas, ?