You wouldn't be the first one to ask that question.. I think you have to get in line behind Shiny and T2.
I'm going to a b-ball game tonight with my niece and boyfriend. My H has plans, but hasn't let me know what those plans are...should I ask? Well I did ask last night, but he didn't answer my question. I am ASSuming there will be drinking involved...Wednesday night fight night or something like that at his bar. But I don't want to ASSume that either.
I never thought of myself as a patient person, but maybe I have been all along. Or, maybe I've just let people walk all over me all of my life.
And to be honest, when I don't want to do something or if I'm trying something new, like skiing or swimming, I AM whiny especially IF H is involved in the activity. Because H pushes and demands. I like to do new things in a suportive environment. H is a great teacher and I do mean that, but he lacks patience.
There are all kinds of things that I wouldn't do that H blames as the cause of his unhappiness, but it was becuase H demanded, DIDN'T ask me..would just say "we're doing this or we're doing that and YOU'RE going. Some of it was stubbornness or laziness, like watching instead of skating with S. NOW I'm more willing to try things not becuase H DEMANDS it, but because I REALLY want to do things as a family.
I must begin your forecast by pointing out that Mercury is about to move into a new sector of the sky. This is excellent, indeed, it could be that the trouble you currently face stems, at least in part from the sheer pace at which your life is changing and the fact that you're almost spoilt for choice in some ways. It is, though, all well and good for me to sit here telling you that you're lucky to have your current problem. I'm sure it doesn't seem that way to you. So here's a helpful promise. Within 36 hours, you'll have a solution you can be proud of.
It's 12:30 pm, H isn't home. Wonder where H could be? I'm disappointed, not surprised, yes I am surprised. H offered S20 to watch S4 while I went to a b-ball game today.
I spoke with H about a few things today and yet H chooses to go to OW's...again?
Do I now go to a lawyer? Is it REALLY over now? I TOLD H he couldn't keep going back and forth. I know it's H's journey, but what do I do now? Am I really ready to call it quits?
H was at his bar when I went by there after work. H's truck was gone when I went by there after the b-ball game.
Well here I sit another fine morning in MLC land. H never came home last night. S got sick during the night. I managed to sleep some, also. Which makes me very happy. Why is it at night that everything seems worse than it does in the light of day?
I supposed everybody here is getting sick of this...just like my friends. Of my H just doing what he wants to do, but as I've been told this is his journey. I have to let him navigate this on his own.
I left a voicemail for H first thing as we have an appointment to have our taxes done tonight. I asked if H wanted to keep that appointment and also let him know that S was sick during the night. H called back, very nice and he sounded normal...like my old H. Well H then grilled me on what S had to eat last night. I have no idea really since SS watched him. H wants to keep the appointment and he'll be here after work.
Why was this so normal? Where was he last night? I didn't ask, the conversation was very normal...hmmm..I don't get this anymore.
I know I told him if he went to OW then he should stay there, but now I'm wondering if that is such a wise thing for me to encourage. H has to get rid of OW on his own, I shouldn't have to force him to do something he more than likely "can't" do at this point. My H just isn't strong enough right now. I read somewhere that if the MLC'r comes back before going through all the stages that it's "pretty much guaranteed" that MCL'r will walk again within two years? Well H has already left twice, how many more times can he leave...I'm laughing as this is just getting to be ridiculous.
Think you need to work on that. You are sounded needy and clingy, not good. I know, some here are saying WTF. But, girl, you need to detach, it doesn't matter if your H is home; detach, detach! Act as if you are moving forward. He is just staying at your home once in a while.
I'm glad my H is not bouncing back and forth! It is good that he doesn't live here so I don't have to put up with the dailey trauma of his life! But, your H is home, and it makes it harder for you to deal.
Get a new attitude. Your path is harder than most because your H is not through the tunnel yet. He is dealing with it while he is home. I know this is hard for you! So go on your own journey.
Deb BTW I'll get around to linking your posts soon
I know, I know. My H is just a houseguest who resides in the lower level of our house. It's quite nice actually. There is a stove, refrigerator, separate entrance, wet bar..all the comforts. The people who owned the house before us did rent it out, so if we truly do S, my plan is to rent out the lower level so that I can stay in this house.
For some reason when H moved back I thought it was because he wanted to work on the marriage, silly me! Whatever was I thinking. Now I see that it is not the case.
What I need to work on is the anxiety, the thoughts, the obsessing that I do on the nights that H decides not to come home. I could try sleeping pills, but really don't want to do that. I'd rather work on the "night fears" that creep in and figure out what the fears really are and where they are coming from.
Is my PMA up today because I'm detached or because H is coming home tonight...maybe both. I don't know or maybe because I know I'll be okay no matter what happens.
Good day Cathy, No doubt H is gonna test any boundaries you set. He's gonna see just how far he can push them and get away with it. Something you will have to carefully consider before laying them down, because the first time you cave-in, he is not gonna respect any of them in the furture. Of course, that doesn't mean you have to kick him out right now or file a D, but send a message that he receives as you are not gonna tolerate him crossing the line.
Go to a lawyer's office. Pick up their business card and stick it on your dresser ... nightstand ... kitchen counter ... next to your pocketbook ... somewhere where he will notice it and know its yours. Don't say anything of it! It maybe enough of a message to establish his preception that you are serious about your boundries and may back off from testing further at this point.
I don't want to kick him out. I cannot go through H leaving again, I truly mean that..won't go through it. I mean how many times can H come and go! H is an alcoholic and when he drinks he goes to OW.
I don't want my H to leave, yes I told him if he went to OW's then don't come back. I don't know what happened last night. I don't want to assume anything right now. I know I saw H's truck at his hang out and it was gone later.
Today is not a good day for me to decide anything. I'm tired, feel a little spacey and just don't think I can make a good decision or demand anything.
If it's true what they say about revisiting all the stages, about whether they give in to temptation, then maybe H is doing this right now. Revisiting or has gone back into the tunnel. H is realizing that OW is not the answer to his problems, that even though H wants to be with OW--he feels rotten about it.
When we were talking on Saturday H contradicted himself so many times. Would talk about life with OW and then life with me. Like he couldn't decide what he was doing. I can't make H make a decision just because I want to him to make THAT decision--me!
I think my new outlook, view of the sitch, is that he is living in our house, apart from me and just take it day to day for now.
