Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers One giant leap forward! - Part 9

Thanks LTH,

S4 (autistic) is the equivalent of a 2 yr old in regards to this sort of thing, he is just not aware. It's currently like having two 2 year olds.

If he was like any other 4yr old I wouldn't skip on it.

What I find strange is last xmas W had actually bought herself things off the kids as she thought we weren't going to spend it together. This time we definitely aren't together and this time she wants to do it.

As they are both not involved I would just be doing it to buy gifts for W and her for me. I find the idea ridiculous at the moment.

I agree with you, T. I admire LTH for what she does with her helping her daughter shop, but there aren't many I know who could do it. Seeing the divorces in my own family, I just can't imagine them doing the same for the XS's. And somehow, I just can't see your W appreciating your effort. She would think it was more about getting her way again. If you ever plan to have a time to be freed from this burden, it better be now. (Besides, if you get remarried to another person, would the new W really want you out shopping for your XW?) Considering how things stand between you right now, it would seem hypocritical. But that's just me.

I believe there will be a few things that will come along that you will not be able to avoid her completely, however, I think you could draw the line with gifts. You do your thing and let her do hers. B/c no matter, she's going to twist & turn.

It's a shame she doesn't seem to understand the significance of that statement. It's like MWD says in DR, there's no such thing as "divorce" when kids are involved.



Yup, she's a master at pushing your buttons. All this "quit being an arse" stuff is just to try and get a rise out of you. Just guessing, but I think WAS's do this to try and get the LBS to rage against them so they can say "I was right in leaving this jerk!" Of course their own a-hole behavior is perfectly justified in their mind, but any negative reaction on the LBS's part is interpreted quite differently.

Not sure how to do it over texting, but I can tell you how to handle it when actually talking where she hears your voice. It seems to have its own special effectiveness. When she says something like the above statement, just give a small, low (as in manly) laugh.

Lets face it, if she wants to open a gift on xmas day that is from the kids so she can say out loud 'ooh look this is off S4 and S2!' she can do that herself.

Mothers day I will sort out a card and something else but right now that's where my line is.

I'm not good at remembering much of DR but I do remember that part about there is no such thing as divorce when there are children involved and it stuck with me for quite a while.

It annoys but I try not to let her see that.
Looking at her choices is like looking at a paper thin movie with many plot holes to point at. I see them every where but it doesn't change anything.

So I'm basically showing that I'm relatively uneffected by her comments and some are that daft they are laughable?

Is it just to disarm her or is there another reason.

I'm having a lot of contrasting emotions lately.

I'm fine until I pick up or drop off the kids.
Friday I picked them up and W was in my head for an hour or so afterwards.

On Sunday when I dropped the kids off I took a load of her xmas decorations that I had in the garage. As I walked the kids up to the front door I just noticed OM2 sat in the living room.
I said goodbye to the kids and went to get the xmas stuff from the car. It was about 4 trips and I had to walkj past the window every time. I did my best not to look. I don't want to see if i can help it. I did see him interacting with one of the boys...I wanted to destroy him!
I kept my cool, put the last box down and said that was it. W said an enthusiastic "bye" and I said "See ya" very unenthusiasticly.

I find myself getting annoyed by the situation. One minute I'm thinking about it all then I stop myself and rationilize it. My W isn't capable of being a decent partner right now...maybe never. I should appreciate the time I do have with my kids and the time I get to myself because I'm not doing a hoop routine for W.
When I go through that process I do actually smile at the end of it.

At the end of August I remember when OM2 reared his grotesque head that it's normally 2 months between W sabotageing a firery hoop and semi crawling back.
As usual I thought it will be interesting to note but I believed 100% there was no chance.
Well 2 months later she put her knee pads on for a week or so and started the long crawl. It didn't last long. I also think as I always do there is no chance she will don the pads again.

Well 2 months time is end of December - New Year. New Year normally has her in a life changing spin so I will be vigilent with knee pad detector and hoop blocking device at the ready.

But you see what you did in those moments don't you? Even tho you were having lots of emotions as you carried all those parts of your life into her house, you didn't react from that place.

You did what you needed to do and left.

The more you do this, the easier it becomes.

Don't judge yourself about how much she's in your head. That's to be expected, don't you think? When it happens realize it, say "Hi, W" and then "Bye, W" as the thought of her passes through.

It will become less and less, in time.

((( )))

Yes to both.