Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers If I were a superhero...

At that point, the kids were getting restless in the car and I ended the conversation by saying that I wanted to be someone that she could talk to again and that I would like to earn her trust back, but that I wouldn't force the issue, it was up to her.
Didn't hear from her most of Monday and Tuesday, but then Wednesday, she started texting me again about the kids and how much she misses them and loves them. I had let her know earlier in the week that my son would be receiving an award at his Cub Scout Pack Meeting that Thursday and she said that she would be there, which meant that she would be skipping class. She spend all Thursday with them and sat next to me at the Pack Meeting. Since she moved out, anytime we've been at a function together, she usually has had one of the kids sit in between us.

Found out that she had gone grocery shopping for us with the kids that day. Then this past weekend, rather than have the kids go to her place, she drove up and spent the day with them here. I was gone most of the day helping a friend move and they did end up going to her place still to spend the night. But, they came back the next day and spent the rest of the day there. I had to make up some hours at work so I was gone again. She helped wash and organize the kids' room.
I guess the real big thing is that after the conversation that Sunday, she said that she would come with me and the kids to my parents for Thanksgiving. All of my family will be there except for one sister and her husband. I guess I'm surprised because my family knows she has moved out and it seems a big step for her to put herself into a potentially uncomfortable position.

So, that's where it's at now. Texting conversations have had a few moments where it's not about just the kids. I do my best to remain neutral and friendly in my replies. I don't ask questions about what she's doing, giving her the opportunity to tell me if she should so choose. I've been working out, which really started last year before all this "fun" started. I've dropped 30+ pounds, weighing less than I did when we got married, I'm eating healthier, and I just bought some new pants, two pant sizes smaller, because the others were way too big now. When she has the kids on the weekends and I'm not working, I do my best to try to get out, spend time with friends, or work on my personal projects that I've been meaning to get to. I suppose the thing to do is to keep doing those things and be patient, but that patience thing seems to be the toughest part.

So, latest update - not much has changed since I last posted. In the past couple of months she's had her car impounded because of excessive parking tickets (31) and was just evicted from her apartment last weekend. She's now staying for a few weeks with a female friend. She has been nicer to me lately since I helped her with the car impounding. As much as I wanted to tell her to take care of it on her own, my name is on the title too.

One thing I need help with is finding how to talk to her again. We've had some conversations, but obviously not like before. I thought I had read somewhere here on the forum of a book that can help you learn how to talk to an estranged spouse again. Am I remembering correctly and if so, can anyone point me in the right direction?

I read your story. Quite a ride its been for you and your children.

Do you want her back in your life as she is now?

It's hard to say. As she is now, not really. I do still love her, but I don't want her back unless she truly wants to be back and is willing to put aside things that get in the way of our relationship and her being a good mother like she used to be. I know that things will never be the same as they were. I don't want that because obviously, that wasn't working. I would, however, like the opportunity to move forward together to making our relationship what we would both like it to be. But, I can't compete with her friends that are 10 years younger than her that don't have responsibilities like someone who has been married for 11 years.

Then you need to move forward without her and let her figure out her stuff.

She's going to have lots to figure out so it may take a while.

You have to provide a very stable environment for your kids, and shield them from her drama. She's on a downward spiral and who knows if she can catch herself.

Ever thought of going to AlAnon? It can be a lifesaver for you.

AlAnon? As in learning how to handle another's drinking? I myself don't drink, though there are days of this experience I wish I did... haha