Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Space for Rent

Welcome aboard. Wish you weren't here, just like the rest of us. Best wishes.

Hey Ruby, welcome to my neck of the woods.

Did you leave Newcomers for good? I've been there for 2 years, there's no time limit.

Nah, Bug, still venture over. Lots of insight, lots to give me perspective. And if I can help out anyone the way you all did me, I will consider it a small return.

Thanks all for the welcome, wish I wasn't here either

Background: h is going to a cocktail party. He mentioned it in passing last week.
I find out that common friend who is about to live in same building as H is going to same party.

I ask him what day party is on, because friend said she has one and can't make a girls night.

He confirms it is same party.

This is yesterday and today just having a rough day. Didn't have to work, but find that work is actually key to keeping the hamsters off the wheel.

Also, have to deal with lung cancer ( mom) who has had surgery and doctor says five years plus.

November svcks here..... All bleacky and rainy and cold.

Internship and school, not making money.

House looks like, well, no time no money and leaves everywhere lmao!! And we are not in the part of town where this is okay.....

So I am just having a freaking pathetic day. H texts and asks if I'm okay, cuz I seem not there. Then explains why he never told me about friend's cocktail and framed it as work cocktail. That he was feeling a little loserish and to say thAt our friend got him the invite made him sound less impressive.

I basically said that I had a lot of biggies to feel pathetic about, just not your basic " oh I feel fat cuz I ate all the ice cream and am a crappy house keeper. That I knew exactly where these emotions were coming from and the trick was to let them roll. That his cocktail party wasn't it.

It was...a bit...thought he might be lying again. So that just added to the crap of the day.

The best thing about tomorrow is that you get to start again

Hey, it's a new day! The glass is half full if you choose to look at it that way

It's ok to feel those emotions, it's ok to dig into them, to understand them....just don't hang on to them.

I didn't hang on to them, let them just flow and by this morning everything was a heck of a lot more Ruby and a lot less woe is me.

The one very valuable thing I have learned is to dig a little deeper. A bit at a time because it is often painful to look at yourself that way.

Eat your elephant one bite at a time Bestie!!!!

Slow and steady wins the race.

It is the best way...

How do you catch an elephant??

You dig a big pit and fill it with ashes.

When the elephant comes by to check out the hole, you sneak up behind him and kick him in the ash hole........

Return of old H yesterday...gosh I missed him( not).

The make a joke at my expense, the crudeness, the arguing. Bestie, you are lucky I didn't see the bring out the dead post earlier....

Am I just being too sensitive?

Whoops, am I fully emerged from the wondrous LBS fog?

Help me out here:

I go to see H briefly yesterday at his place, we both have places to go. He says that his depression is different from what my post partum bout because mine was physiological and had a beginning and end. I remind him that no one acknowledged my depression and just thought I was being cranky and rude and everyone else could have babies and be fine, why couldn't i? Then he made a joke!!

" well, we knew when you told us". And laughed. This was in response to the statement above. He said this, and what I needed was validation, not a dismissal. While discussing the difference between depressions, I said I disagree ( him intimating his depression is sooooo different and much tougher, simply because everyone knows that ppd ends at so e point) but I can see where you are coming from.

Then I mentioned that men have it tough, because depression is really not spoken of. Then he said men get a raw deal, because if we look at testicular cancer, the rate of incidence is just as high as breast cancer but there is no big thing about it.

I said men do it to themselves by buying into the big strong myth. He then said women are just as much as fault for allowing it. I say I can see your point. By this time I am trying to get to my happy place.

Then marriage. H views it as a Christian concept apparently. He looks at me all smug " there are plenty of religions that advocate more than one spouse. Man was never meant to have only one partner, look at our ancestors, and genetic make up.

Okay, here I slip and say " well, then , you'd better go back to eating berries and raw meat in a cave....." If we are going back to our roots and all.

Later I get a text " hey, my friend will buy me a beer if I can prove I got laid tonight.."

I ignore this completely.

This weekend is going to be tough if I don't let this go......

Help me out guys