Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers wife hardens heart-5

Realizing she's starting to rebuild her life without me is painful to watch. Things starts to unravel itself as she's begins to be less discreet. I expected as such. It will come to a point where she wouldn't want to keeping on 'hiding' anymore.

As of today and months prior to this, I have been backing away from her. I do not question her choices nor tried to challenge it since leaving the house.
I honestly don't know if that's a good thing. It does seem that every step I take away from her, she takes a step closer to OM.

I have questioned myself before. What if I took up on her offer to move into the guest room, what will be our status now?

I did not describe this heart tugging feeling before because I was unsure of it. It is apparently intuitive if one is to believe in it. I have used this feeling to escape witnessing something I don't want to. Sounds crazy but it is what it is.
Nothing I can do about this. Detaching further will help I suppose.

I have reconnected with my old school mates. Met up with them over drinks. Told them my story which I did not intent to in the first place. Message is the same, forget her. Anyway, had a blast.
We have connected with more school mates over whatsapp. The mobile have been furiously active since last Thursday.

Hi planet, just dropping by to give you my support. I definitely understand that feeling of heart tugging pertaining to W's matters. I also wish that it won't happen to me but i can't seemed to be able to prevent the tugging from happening

I found out that OM have been sleeping with XW and my kids in the same bed on weekends.

I'm absolutely livid about this. No way my kids will spend the night with someone who have no blood relation to them. They are not even married. This something I feel strongly about. No means no.

I am going to talk to XW about this and put my foot down.

I told her off. I said I will not tolerate someone who has no relation to my kids share the same bed.

OM was there. I told him off too. He had the gall to ask why not.
"Are you out of your mind?"
"Are you the father? "
I said those words.

XW ask me to leave. I went off.

I can't believe the speed of my situation. In 6 months after BD, I'm divorced and OM moving in. Only on weekends because MIL returns to her own home. MIL may not know or if she does, doesn't matter anyway.

Just this chinese new year we invited OM into our house for dinner. That was in February. She's not even keen on the idea. Months later here I am.

Im not sure of my feelings. Not too concerned with XW. Technically, we are still married. I may have accepted our situation without knowing it. Looks like there's no more chances. I don't know how to go on from here.

It's about time. Go back and revisit the L and tell him to change the conditions of your agreement.

After you asked him if he was the father, what did he say?

Actually, in your case I would suggest you go for 50% custody, get your D's and then start dating. Seriously. I can almost guarantee it that she is not going to like having another woman playing with her D's as much as you do with another guy.

Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
XW couldn't even argue about this like she always does.
She told me to go home and I left.
Wasn't too upset as I have always known it will come to this.



Done and dusted. Malaysian law favours the mother and grants exclusivity to mothers unless she is proven to be unfit. I have spoken to 2 Ls about this.
I have to say we have an unbalanced view regarding equality.

Dating? I'm not sure I'm up for that. I haven't been on the scene for like 10 years. Thus far, I've only made new friends with guys and married woman.

XW have always been the one to make hasty decisions and never have given much thought to consequences.
She pulls D4 from her ballet class because she says D4 didn't like the instructor. She refuses to sent the kids to art class now that I have said I wanted to visit the school for myself.
She refuses to talk to our contractor because she didn't like the way she's being talked to after being very close to him at one point.
Last week, she took the kids to a holiday presumably with OM. Took a day off from school. Since it was pre-school, nothing serious. We always maintained that no holidays should effect their school days.
Zigs zags from her decisions.

Like this one. She's too hasty in deciding OM is for her. Granted he did slave it out for her.

Her family used to tell me that even if the sultan forbids, she will get her way.
That's why I have backed away when she threatens suicide. Can't tell she's for real or not.
She used to bite her arms until I relented when we were dating.

I'm exhausted over this weekly drama. Something always comes up every single week.

How shall proceed in DBing?

I'm not saying that you go for full custody, I'm saying push for 50%. Stop arguing about what can't be done until you verify everything about your rights. You gave them away the first time. Now you need to get them back.

I understand what's joint custody.
The courts here awards sole custodianship to the mothers and visitation rights to the fathers.
There's a NGO here who are lobbying for this cause since 2006. That's about the best case I have for equal custodianship. This is 2013. Nothing has changed judicially.
A local newspaper ran a story about shared parenting and the need to review our laws in 2012.
We just don't have that yet in Malaysia.

I have got the best visitation agreement. Unrestricted visitation with reasonable notification. There are vengeful ex wives who only allowed visitation at the front gates or bimonthly at certain times.

Rights of divorce fathers are limited.