Looking at your situation, you've been married for 4 years, have no kids, no significant shared assets, a single income (yours), and not much shared debt since it's virtually all in your name already. If there was ever a marriage that was easy to walk away from with a clean break, it's yours.
So why is this worth saving? Those initial years of marriage before kids are usually a high point. If your dynamics are bad now, chances are things will become much much more challenging later, not easier. It doesn't sound like you've been getting your needs met for well over a year, and instead are treated rather poorly.
I'm in agreement with Accuray on this. It can be a real mistake to try to save a marriage gone bad this early. It really does NOT bode well for the future, unless your H is capable of getting help for his depression and his other issues.
You are not abusive - he is. And his depression is likely to be a chronic lifelong problem. This is not a person you can count on in the future, to be a good father, to support you in illness or in family crisis (imagine trying to lean on him during an emergency like, say, god forbid, a seriously ill child?).
It is excellent that you have looked at your part, and looked at the love languages stuff etc. It will stand you in excellent stead in a future relationship. Keep working on yourself.
But until your H is willing to DO THE WORK like you have (go to counseling for a year, own his contribution to the problems, work to pay off his share of the bills) - well, nothing less should satisfy you. And I'm pretty sure he won't step up to the plate.
I understand about religious/cultural commitments to marriage - and those are good things, really. But this all sounds like a bad mistake, and one you should get yourself out of before there are children involved.
Please note - this comes from a 57 year old woman who was married for 24 years. My H had an affair in the first year of our marriage - we reconciled but in retrospect, he never did the work. 15 years later I successfully DB'd my H after he had another affair; we had several more excellent years in our marriage before MLC carried him off for good. I feel guilt for having chosen him to be the father of my children, as they all suffered through the divorce. Now divorced for 4 years, my life without him is good. And my current boyfriend treats me better than my ex ever did.
Don't settle. You're young. You deserve better, someone who will put the same amount of effort into the marriage that you do. He's not the one.
