You have received a lot of great advice here. It really is way too early for your W to accept any responsibility. I have been at this longer and I am still waiting. Mine has only gone so far as to say she is messed up. While they may not be accepting responsibility right now, that does not mean they won't accept responsibility in the future. (I believe that will be an important first step to reconciling.) I can also add that my IC says it is up to me how long I am willing to wait. He would not recommended waiting indefinitely, but he also wouldn't put a date on it.
Some of your contact does seem like pursuing. At this early stage, I can tell you it will probably be unwelcomed. Your W's response (if any), is only likely to disappoint. We all want to believe that our situation/spouse is different, but we just end up learning the hard way that there is a pattern and that nothing will change or be fixed quickly. Generally speaking (although there are no absolutes), I wouldn't call unless called (and then not right away); don't email unless she emails first; don't always be available; don't try to extend conversations; and avoid being the last person to respond.
FYI, it is best to avoid descriptions that include always and never. Life is full of exceptions, and you can probably name a few.
Dragon Heart - What do the abbreviations TC and DF mean in your signature?
_________________________ Me: 37 W: 37 M: 11 D:5 S:2 IDLYA, W removed rings, BD 07/13 EA/Fantasy (PA?) confirmed 12/13 W moved out 05/14
It's odd, I feel like I have moved to the anger stage at this point. I'm more angry at the situation that at anyone in particular.
I'm still working on myself, but entertaining the idea of going on a date or two. I mean she left me, and put me in this position. It might be a good reminder of how hard dating is also, and make me re-double my DB'ing efforts.
H: 29 WAXW: 30
Bomb Drop- 9/9/13 Negotiated Settlement- 5/9/14 D Final- 5/21/14 XW has breakdown in attorney lobby- 5/30/14
I think we all go through a "I want to date phase", some follow through...others don't. Its totally up to you if you are truly ready to take that risk as it could result in your heart truly moving on from your W.
I thought about dating about a month or two after BD....I made an online profile....after putting in my wants I saw the options were very slim and sad lol. I deleted my profile b/c I realized that even the thought of a random man simply trying to hold my hand repulsed me.
A few weeks later ...i got the itch again... this time I texted and old coworker of mine that I always thought was cute and he doesn't live far from me....he texted me back and it just so happened he was working on a boat cruise and wouldnt be back in town for a month. I think that was God blocking that lol.....that month passed and I didn't even want to contact him again to see if he was back.... i realized it was my emotions at the time that led me to contact him...I wanted to hurry up and get over my pain and move on by using someone else to help me "move on" from my H...instead of doing the hard work of detaching and letting go on my own.
me: 30 H:30 tgthr:7 m:4 no kids 5 counseling sessions initiated by H as a LR: Oct 2012 long distance marriage b/c of work since Nov 2012 official BD: July 2013 nothing filed 1/1/14 I dropped the rope
I got an email from W today, just letting me know she was updating everything I asked her to. She also mentioned she was researching realtors and would let me know when she found one.
The old me would have responded to her email, thanking her for getting everything done quickly, but the new me is going to 180 and just not respond at all, since nothing in her email was a question or really merits a response.
Also interesting was under her current message was an email she never sent me. She has mentioned starting and re-starting emails 4-5 times and not being able to send them. It was odd to see another unsent email underneath this one. It didn't really reveal anything, just shows that she is thinking more about things and sending responses than would meet the eye.
I have the next two days off, so I'm getting a good workout in now, and trying to come up with some GAL activities.
H: 29 WAXW: 30
Bomb Drop- 9/9/13 Negotiated Settlement- 5/9/14 D Final- 5/21/14 XW has breakdown in attorney lobby- 5/30/14
Good for you K by doing that 180. Enjoy your days off!
me: 30 H:30 tgthr:7 m:4 no kids 5 counseling sessions initiated by H as a LR: Oct 2012 long distance marriage b/c of work since Nov 2012 official BD: July 2013 nothing filed 1/1/14 I dropped the rope
The plot thickens. I successfully transferred out my share of the $ from our joint account. Of course, she doesn't deal with these sorts of things, she did it incorrectly and got our joint account locked out of the funds transfer feature. I got 4 emails saying the account is locked and to call to unlock it. I'm torn on whether to send them to her or not, or let her figure it out on her own in a few days when the money doesn't arrive. I don't want her thinking I did something to block it because I didn't.
Also, she told me she had transitioned everything that auto-pays to her own credit cards so I removed her as an authorized user on both of my credit cards that she was on. They are reported to my credit, and had $12k limits each, so I was really worried about a vindictive spending spree until now. *sigh of relief
I'm going to wait on sending her the emails from the bank, because really I don't owe her a whole lot of explanation, I had nothing to do with her sending it incorrectly. She can be a grown up and figure out like she would have to in a few weeks/months when the D is finalized.
H: 29 WAXW: 30
Bomb Drop- 9/9/13 Negotiated Settlement- 5/9/14 D Final- 5/21/14 XW has breakdown in attorney lobby- 5/30/14
It's my day off, I've spent the morning reading Divorce Remedy again, I sort of have renewed vigor for keeping on my current path. I plan to write out my goals, and establish more 180's and review if there have been any positive baby steps. I think I may be missing some things.
I'm back to not initiating contact unless absolutely necessary. We'll see how long I can last this time.
H: 29 WAXW: 30
Bomb Drop- 9/9/13 Negotiated Settlement- 5/9/14 D Final- 5/21/14 XW has breakdown in attorney lobby- 5/30/14
Hey K....I am glad re-reading helped to renew something with in you! How did writing out your goals go? Hope you were able to enjoy yourself and rest on your days off.
me: 30 H:30 tgthr:7 m:4 no kids 5 counseling sessions initiated by H as a LR: Oct 2012 long distance marriage b/c of work since Nov 2012 official BD: July 2013 nothing filed 1/1/14 I dropped the rope
Thanks for checking in Mimi, I haven't gotten around to it yet.
I did get to relax a lot on my days off and spend time with my beautiful dog. She has been my crutch a lot of days.
What kind of dog do you have? I think you mentioned it in one of your posts. Mine is a German Shepherd, thats where my name comes from, her name starts with K.
H: 29 WAXW: 30
Bomb Drop- 9/9/13 Negotiated Settlement- 5/9/14 D Final- 5/21/14 XW has breakdown in attorney lobby- 5/30/14
