Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers DARK - how do you do it right? I need help BADLY

DTM,

I agree with the advice being given, and it does seem like D might be inevitable for you. So it makes sense to consult the lawyer, get things started, protect yourself, etc.

At the same time, I think there is just a lot of denial in you. Your W will always be mom to your kids, and it sounds like she loves them and is going to fight for them as well. At the very least, this probably will mean joint custody and a lot of angst about where in the country you will live. In other words, you will always be joined with her at least as your kids' baby mama.

So... even if this marital crisis is "mostly" W's fault... this is the perfect opportunity for you to become the man only a fool would leave. If not for current W, then for yourself, your kids, and a potential future spouse. I am on your side, but I do see some warning bells when you refer to things as all her fault, that you are "too much of a nice guy," etc. I am sure you are a nice guy, and I am affirming your need to move forward with legal measures if you deem it necessary.

I don't mean this so much as a 2x4 - rather as pointing out that you have a golden opportunity to reinvent yourself as a better person DTM 2.0.

Thank you for the comments and also the link to the publication in the previous posts. I'm definitely dealing with a lot of emotions and it's exceptionally tough to keep it straight in my head.
I have an appointment in an hour for IC, not for the marriage, but for mental health - I haven't slept in forever and I just can't think straight with all that is happening.

I keep making mistake after mistake trying to keep my W around in some capacity...but since I have little trust I always end up blowing it just when things are actually looking amicable. I pray that we can come up with a solution that works in the best interest of our kids and both of us - this is just too much for anyone to go through.
If I had one wish it would've been that my wife and I had to separate, that her relationship with her girl would have happened afterwards and not right in front of me for the last 9 months.
We'll get through this and there will be happiness to come.

This message really hit home for me. This one of of the (many) things that i really need to work on with my own sitch. I consistently try to convince my wife that things are worth working on. Thank you Adinva, This needs to be one of my main goals, to stop believeing that i know how she feels.

Right now you have a marvelous opportunity to show your kids, and your W for that matter, how a man handles extreme adversity. You can handle this with class, honor, and dignity or you can open up a big ol' can of whoopass payback.

Unfortunately, I think you will use all your info and such to try and humiliate your W and "her girl". You will probably try to manipulate everything to your advantage. You are already talking about filing back in NC to get the biggest bang for your buck. It just reeks of payback.

I really hope you come to take a different avenue than that.

You tell us that you are "a nice guy". I don't think so. You haven't accepted responsibility for much and lay the lion's share of the blame at the feet of your W and "her girl".

Does it really matter if she has an OW or an OM? I wouldn't to me. You seem to have a real issue with it. Why is that? I am just curious.

Really, you have a great opportunity for your kids... I honestly hope you make the most of it.