I wasn't apologizing for it being offensive because it wasn't. I was apologizing if anyone misconstrued my intentions as offensive, when I was really fully recognizing Ws tend to be more emotionally connected than Hs. Even divorcebusting.com says it is 66-75% women. (http://www.divorcebusting.com/a_walkaway_wife.htm)
My actual point was to support that there is a dope of a H (like me) who probably meant well, but was an idiot to not stand for and support his W until it was too late.
I grew up right in the heart of Ohio, and still live near there.
Jon, I am so amazed and thrilled for you on how your sitch is turning out!
Wow. She is taking a lot of huge steps.
It just goes to show how a sitch can turn around, even when it seems darkest.
A lot of envy from this side of the world, man...
M35 XW34 D5 D4 M 6years T 10years Bomb 5/2013 Joint Petition signed 6/2013 Moved out end of 8/2013 Court Hearing of Joint Petition 9/2013 D finalized in 3 months - no news yet
I think the LBS initially doesn't realize the pain the WAS was feeling in the M. The pain they feel (real or not) is excruciating... so much so that they took a huge gamble to throw it all way and make a drastic move of leaving.
Not to generalize or be offensive to women, but I think this is the reason that I thought I read where 70%+ of most WAS are women. They are typically much more dependent on the emotional health of a relationship than guys, and thus the emotional impact much greater. I think that "flipped switch" comes when they realize their emotions are going to drive them possibly literally crazy, so they just drop like a stone and go. (My opinion, and I'm not a professional) This is exactly how my W described her feelings: a "switch just flipped".
My W tried so hard and for so long, she gave up only after she literally couldn't try anymore. She went through hell for years and then went even deeper leaving me, she had to detach for her own survival. I have nothing but respect for her.
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
My W tried so hard and for so long, she gave up only after she literally couldn't try anymore. She went through hell for years and then went even deeper leaving me, she had to detach for her own survival. I have nothing but respect for her.
That's a perspective that all new LBS have to understand.
The LBS too had their switches flipped after BD. I have all the respect for LBSs out there who came to terms with their action/inaction in their failed M and change for the better. 'Awaken' LBS do empathize with their WAS.
I'm raising my glass to all LBSs here.
M35 XW34 D5 D4 M 6years T 10years Bomb 5/2013 Joint Petition signed 6/2013 Moved out end of 8/2013 Court Hearing of Joint Petition 9/2013 D finalized in 3 months - no news yet
Thanks guys, I actually needed to hear that as I've been sort of ungrateful, and feeling a little apathy. Warning to any of you who get your foot back in the door, be prepared for it not to be a day where you are all happy. I think my emotions went in this order: Disbelief Sorta cool Tiredness Now-what-do-I-do Distrust Resentment Happy
I completely thought I'd be screaming, "I'm the king of the world" at every random stranger.
I told W I might take S11 to a college hockey game tonight, and she said, "What about taking your WIFE?". I kinda looked at her for a minute, and realized I had gotten so used to planning without her that I had sorta forgotten to think of her as a potential date.
Me: 43 W: 37 Together: 18 M: 15 D: 8 yrs old ILYBNILWY: March 2011 She Filed for D: August 2011 She moved out: Sept 1, 2011 Reconciled: May 2012 Divorce Case dropped: July 2012
Busy weekend! D13 had three play performances on Friday/Saturday, so I spent most of the weekend running her around.
Sunday, W came to church with me again, and then we had a really nice anniversary dinner that night at a new place - I like our "old place" better and W actually said the same thing. I wasn't sure if it would be weird memories at the anniversary place or not, so decided against it. She had D13 take a picture of us and posted it on her Facebook wall. First picture of me that's been on there in probably 4-5 months.
W is like a completely different person in the last two weeks; it is disconcerting. She pursues constantly (like a bad DBer), flirting, touching and hugging me all the time, tells me she loves me, apologizes for any grouchiness, sends me a song almost every day. I've caught her staring at me a few times, and she'll just take my hand and say, "thank you for not quitting on me". She even said Sunday night after dinner that she sometimes thinks all the crap she did was a dream because she can't believe it was her ~ and she wishes so badly she could just erase all of it.
I haven't been posting much mostly because my brain is still having a hard time processing such a drastic and sudden turn around. So, I've been taking it slow, and getting my head re-set to see where I want to go from here. I'm not even worried about anything really other than getting counseling scheduled.
Gotta ask you this. Have your XW1 ever regretted her decision leaving your M. When did that kicked in if she ever had.
M35 XW34 D5 D4 M 6years T 10years Bomb 5/2013 Joint Petition signed 6/2013 Moved out end of 8/2013 Court Hearing of Joint Petition 9/2013 D finalized in 3 months - no news yet
