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Patientman, thanks for the response. I think what you are telling me is don't let my anger make me make a decision that will permanently close doors too soon. That I need to stand back and process everything before making a decision. In the past, I have had knee jerk reactions that after I took the time to rereevaluate I realized I made the wrong decision. I'm tring to find the patients inside of me because I know the the decision that I make will not only affect me but also my son. Like I said there are a ton of questions I have and a w that can't answer them right now. I was feeling sorry for my self eariler and basicly wondering when is it going to be my turn when are my feels going to be validated.

I understand what you mean about looking at yourself from an outside perspective. Its just had to do when your in the moment that's going to take some practice.

Its hard for me to stand back and not try and fix something that I see is broken or try to help. Its like me going to work with my hands tied behind my back and my mouth taped shut, then I'm told to go out and help an apprentice but we still have to correct the problem in the same amout time as it would normally take me if I was by myself. Frustrsting as hell

My pastor has often told me that when I'm angry to hit the pause button before I speak so I don't say something I can't take back.

Yes, it is. But it is also good practice. Not everyone wants us to swoop in and save the day all the time. Sometimes we have to watch someone fail, too.



That's a good one!

-PM

It just breaks my heart to have to watch my w go through this, I've done a lot of research on MLC, I understand a lot of it but it doesn't make it any easier. I had to watch my mom be the lbs in highschool and could not stand my dad for putting her through it. My mom was a stander until dad got remarried then she got on with her life. Dads second marriage ended in divorce.
I'm going to have a selfish moment here, if I could just see the outcome and know that I will be rewarded and my feelings validated I think it would make this transition spittle easier. I'm starting to wonder if my w is right, maybe I should go ligand find someone else. We talked about this when
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it first started, I told her back then that with time that I could bethe man she needed me to be and because she inspirede to become a betten shouldn't she want to be the one to reap the benefits. Maybe she knows she has done some things that she thinks I would not approve of and that is why she wants me to find someone else because she feels she doesyn't deserve me. Is this where I dig deep down inside put m male ego and pride away and learn how to forgive someone that has betrayed me and learn how to love unconditionaly. I sometimes wonder if my w really knows what love is orhow to be loved

The last post was off of my phone. I've found out that w is having second thoughts about leaving but not really telling me. I wrote her a note that basically lets her know what I have been learning and that if she does go ahead and leaves that she will not be able to walk back in and act like nothing happened. We will have to find out what killed the old marriage and that we will start a new one, but she will have to let me know she is all in and wanting to work.

She may not be in MLC. To read a list that sounds like the actions of your spouse...doesn't mean it's the correct "diagnosis". The symptoms of a WAW & MLC are very similar. I say this b/c if she's a WAW, she may not be in crises mode as long as one in MLC.

Thanks for pointing that out, I didn't really know which one she is because she fits both

And as sandi said: most have symptoms (wrong choice of word) of both WAS and MLC. Even worse if you want to add empty nester as well.

True, I guess the real issue I have to deal with right now is the fact that next weekend she will be gone, that's when her son is leaving to live with his dad, and when she planned to move. It upsets me because it's right at the holiday season and she knows how much I like this time of year, I know she isn't even thinking about that. I am getting scared that when she's on her own that she will not miss me and that I might decide that I've had enough and decide to move on. Right now gal is going to very important because I have to make miss and want me. The nci and not texting her back right away is going to be Hugh. In some ways it feel like that is being childish and playing games.

Have you already given her the note?