Agreed - it should not be that hard. It's just that when you want it - you're willing to work for it. I thin Barbara likes BA but she is just not sure if she is ready - balancing her career, daughter etc. it's about her not him.
Broke guys? Stay way. One of my "rules" was that I didn't want I guy who was deep in debt. I preferred he made similar or more than me. I did not need someone to support me but I didn't need another person to support myself. Josh & I have reached a point (when we bought our house) that we share expenses. I pay a bit more of the house expenses because Ryan lives with us but I made it clear from the beginning that I wanted to split it that way. It works.
& yes - a lot of the "rules" are not one size fits all. Good to keep in mind but you decide for yourself what's working & what's not.
Sunny day here. I need to get outside. Have a few calls to make first then off to soak up the sun.
Kat - you were spot on regarding why Marianne dumped me awhile back. We are now in the friend zone, but it is all good.
As for Barbara - I'm trying to figure that one out. My gut tells me that perhaps that train has left the station, however when I think about how our dates and communication have gone I think otherwise.
The good:
1. We have had really nice dates, with lively conversation and affection.
2. We are in regular contact with each other, although I tend to be the instigator of most of it, but not entirely all. She sent me a very nice email on my birthday.
The bad:
1. The last time we went out was almost 2 weeks ago and we currently do not have another date set up. Admittedly the woman has been very, very busy these past two weeks and she is in Chicago this week. So while she is out there I plan to ask her what her schedule looks like up her return and when she would like to go out next.
2. Yesterday she posted a new profile picture (absolutely gorgeous picture of her I might add) on her Match account - this in my mind is really not good as it sends a signal that she is still "looking"!
However, it doesn't cost me anything to sit back and be patient. I mean I really like the woman AND she hasn't told me that she is no longer interested in me.
GG - So sorry about the guy you seemed to hit it off so well with being broke - but I agree with you and Barb on this, best to stay away from that and it is good he was upfront with you early on.
I have to admit that I was thinking what Gineen wrote - that she left Match for awhile and then came back. I don't think BA is crazy for having doubts about this path - gorgeous or not. It doesn't really matter what her reasons are, does it? The only thing that matters is if BA is uncomfortable. If that isn't the case (and he did say he would wait it out), then it's not a problem.
She hasn't told him that they are exclusive so there were no promises made. But the fact that she posted a new profile photo is kind of telling too.
And then I have to agree with Wen too - why the heck do we make this process harder than it needs to be?
Like all of you, I can't afford to take on anybody who is more broke than I am. I don't want them to support me either, Barb, but I don't have wiggle room for someone who can't manage money better. I think a lot of these people use the real estate crash as their excuse. Yes, 2008 was a miserable year with fallout for a long time afterward. It was definitely tough for me and my business. But I learned how to get by on a lot less until things improved. I can afford my DirecTv and my cat too.
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Hey Betsey! You are right, we have not broached the subject of exclusiveness at all. For me, the ones that I feel a strong connection to are the hardest when it gets to this point. If I wasn't as intrigued with her, honestly I wouldn't really give much thought to it. It's the ones (like her) which come around and the trifecta occurs (physical, intellectual and personality attraction) that make me really want them to work out and tend to make my "radar" more active about how things are or are not going. I told myself (and this board) last week that I was going to take a chill pill and I need to remind myself of that. Much of this is beyond my control anyway.
Besides, this online dating is very much like the friggin reality show the bachelor or bachelorette. It feels like you are in competition with multiple people at the same time trying to stand out from the pack, with new contestants arriving almost daily. I just can't figure out how to meet people in real life anymore outside of the online crap. If I could I would.
Agree with you on the finance stuff - I went through the real estate melt down too. I have a house in Florida that is still underwater, but I manage to pay my bills, sock away the maximum into my 401K plan every year, AND have money available to travel and see my beloved sports teams in person. It's called being financial responsible, sticking to a BUDGET and living within your means!!
Speaking of seeing sporting teams - I just made two young ladies (D16 and D15) very happy as I secured tickets to tonight's CAPS vs. Islander's Hockey game! For one night I am officially in the "Awesome and Cool Dad" category! BA
Hey Mr Awesome & Cool - way to go! I'm sure your girls adore you no matter what but you just sweetened the pot!
I remember when I was starting to date, so vulnerable & smitten with someone (actually that happened more than once). I had to remind myself "if it's meant to be - it will all work out. If it doesn't - it wasn't")
The fact she put up a new, gorgeous pic is a worry. I would be stepping back a bit & letting her do more pursuing if she is interested. That kinda [censored]!
The whole dating online thing is a bit of a game. I hate that kind of game but not sure what else to do.
Josh has a good income but he was much tighter with his $ than me. I have learned a lot from him. I work harder at saving & making sound investments. We keep our $ separate except for living expenses. He knows where we are at as a couple. My ex did not have a clue. He could never balance a checkbook. He is likely still floundering today.
Florida is nice this time of year. Still very warm but not as busy. I'm loving having a place here!
Met a guy on Sunday to hit some golf balls. He's 61. I've never dated anyone that old before. He looked great, positive energy, financially solid. We'll see. Age is a funny thing and I'm not quite sure what to think of it. So, I'm trying not to.
Golfgirl - at this age, a guy can be 50 but OLD, or 60 but YOUNG. Physiological age becomes much more important than calendar age. I don't want to end up with an old man, but I wouldn't rule out an older guy who is fit and healthy.
And financially stable is a good thing! I know people have been hurt by the economy, but I'd be worried about a guy who gambled so much on the real estate bubble - I'd prefer a more financially conservative type.
Hey Mr Awesome & Cool - way to go! I'm sure your girls adore you no matter what but you just sweetened the pot!
I remember when I was starting to date, so vulnerable & smitten with someone (actually that happened more than once). I had to remind myself "if it's meant to be - it will all work out. If it doesn't - it wasn't")
The fact she put up a new, gorgeous pic is a worry. I would be stepping back a bit & letting her do more pursuing if she is interested. That kinda [censored]!
The whole dating online thing is a bit of a game. I hate that kind of game but not sure what else to do.
Thanks Barb! Yeah they're friends tell them all the time what a nice and fun Dad they have! Admittedly, while the girls have been on skype with their friends, I'm often singing some song in the background which they all find amusing since I couldn't carry a tune if I tried!
Anyway, I think this whole dating thing has finally worn me down and has me second guessing everything. I just received an email from her, 5 minutes before she leaves for the airport to go to Chicago, wishing me a nice and stress free week. So the operative word is: Chill BA...Chill!!!
I'm trying Barb and I hope your feeling is 100% right!
So I had a wonderful time last night. I took my two lovely daughters to see the CAPs beat the Islanders 6 to 2. They scored 5 goals in the second period which happened to be at the end of the rink where we were sitting, so it was a pretty exciting night! The girls were happy and I was happy!
Other than that - all is quiet and chilling here on the BA front.
IMHO, when a woman is giving you mixed signals that's not a good thing. I think you are having these alarmed feelings for a reason. That doesn't mean you bail but you pay attention and don't discount those feelings as overreaction. Guard your heart BA and know where your limits are. 'Nuff said.
