Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis WHEN PATIENCE IS LOST

Ambivalent,
We know you are trying different things to become a better person and someone that your h will want to come home to. However, mlcer's view things differently and can sense when we are trying to hard or using different techniques to "win" them back. That's why it is important to keeps simple and just be yourself.

Can you remember how you were when you met your h? That is where you start. What did the two of you enjoy doing together? You have to become friends again and I think your interest in hunting is a start. Using a bow is not difficult. If you own a bit of land, get yourself a nice target from any store that handles hunting equipment. I just recently got one for my nephew from Dick's. He is learning how to use a bow and I've been working w/him on his aim.

You might mention to your h that you would like to learn how to use a bow and see if he'll suggest a store or go w/you to get a bow.

Ambivalent, just be yourself. Smile and appear interested in whatever he wants to discuss. That is the first step to being a good listener and a friend...both things are what he's looking for. The evening will be a success. I have a lot of faith in you...just stay upbeat and positive.

Thanks Job.

I know where to get equipment and even guns! My outfit tonight is very understated, but still allows for my new silhouette. I'll be in heels so it does give me a boost.

Funny you asked about first time dating...well that's the way I was yesterday, except not as uncomfortable!

As for what we did...we went to a lot of French Restaurants...don't want to do that! Too fattening ,lol.

When we dated , I was way more adventurous than he. He was actually kind of more a dinner and t.v. guy. He liked going to games or playing D&D...Not my cup of tea. We are actually different in interests. I being the one who has a ton! Currently he is bowling , cards, and hunting...throw in some music and live football and there you have it.

Me, OMG everything interests me! Snorkeling, hunting, dancing, walking, hiking, history, politics, historical sites and homes, kayaking, camping, travel, foreign language....I could go on forever! Those are just the tip, but many of them I want to try!.

I tend to be the " once mastered move on," kinda individual, except with tennis...I'm decent and still love it!

I'm not going to try too hard, the last thing I want to be is looking needy. That's why I'll have him do some of the work in the kitchen. KISS method! I figure I'll have some radio music on, very casual.


Actually I have a back up plan . My swing dance folks have an awesome dance tonight. So if it doesn't work out...I'm going out, third back up is a movie.
I may go to the movie anyway, afterwards!

Meanwhile, I need to go for a walk, work the weights down undah, and go get a mop for the floor.

Ambivalent, I’m so excited for you! You’ve been doing great. I wish you good luck with the dinner.

"Holy spur of the moment change of plans, Batman!"

Husband called and said his 3 o'clock got reschedules and he's going to be on the way.

I got into shower, my outfit tonight is in washer aaaack. So I threw on a pair of black slacks the top for tonight, some pearls and heels.

He noticed when I came into the room, the darting look again. Anyhoo, let him know I was going out and would be back later. He'll be voting, getting some hunting stuff.

I'll come back when he's gone.

I did overhear him talking to someone on the phone about the dogs.

" how many do you have?" " uh huh, we have terriers...five...we just sort of collected them, one of them is..."

"WE"? Not my wife has...hmmm, he's still in the habit of saying we...even after almost 6 months. Oh well

Will change out of clothes casually later, slip into jeans, and take off pearls. Very casual. Dinner is around 6- 6:30.

I'm not sharing my relationship with other peeps anymore, just got back from someone and she is negative about my H. I know it is about supporting me, but she doesn't get it.

It's tough enough without someone saying what they think he's doing or behaving, especially , when they really don't know the man. Oh well, life's a beeotch!

Back to the store, forgot wallet! I'm a bit rattled, need to calm down and slow down!...Pray that all is comfortable and safe.

The evening is over and I had a lovely evening with my H. He made a point to tell me that if he gets a deer tomorrow, that I should meet him at the butchers.

We started at the place where we got the platform hitch then went home. I started dinner while he worked in the dining room.

He eventually came into the kitchen and sat at the island. H. opened the bottle of wine and we drank and had salad while the roast was finishing up. We chatted and flirted a bit.

We then went into the dining room to have dinner. I had him carve and it was delightful. Hunting and body building was the topic of the night, as well as a bit on the guy who is letting him live in the condo for free.

He did discuss groc. shopping and what he's been preparing since he's on his own...I smiled and laughed. It did hurt to hear him speak about shopping, go figure. He mentioned using the leftover roast as a breakfast sandwich in the morning. I said there was plenty , and if he wanted I could make them. I was going to the gymn early...

No biggie.

I actually drank wine , which by the by was very good. I'm a bit tipsy as I write. It allowed for me to relax and laugh.

At one point he got up from the table and was demonstrating the squats he has been told to do. I teased would you mind turning around while you show me? Heh heh heh >:}

He laughed and caught my naughty flirtation. When it came time for him to go, he initiated the hug, and his hands were at my waist. He gave a little squeeze.

All in all two friends enjoying good food and good wine, and nice conversation!

I sent him off with a to go cup of coffee, since I gave him wine. I do not want to be responsible for any accidents.

Amba,

I never know what to call you! Ambivalent seems so long. Then I try Ambi and it seems like a stripper name which is the kinda person us LBS-ers don't want to be reminded of! Then, I think Ambiva, but that sounds like a AD medication or sleep medicine.

So, I've settled on Amba. I like it. Amba sounds a bit like Panda. I like Pandas. They are cute and cuddly.

I'm so glad you had a nice evening!!!!!! And, how fun to have all your hard work on your body pay off.

Sounds like you handled yourself fabulously and had fun. Enjoy the moment to its fullest. Enjoy the moment.

Much Love,

Heather

The hunt is on!

Since H asked if there would be any left over venison to make breakfast sandwiches, I offered to do it.

The wine put me to sleep at 8:45 p.m. last night and my eyes popped open at 3:30, rather than fight it , I went with it.

I got up, looked in the mirror and thought " not bad ", and put on my face.

I put on my trusty jeans and a Henley, to look cashh.

I made the sandwiches, mmmm fresh mozzarella , venison, and tomatoes on English muffs.

I wrapped them in tin foil and labeled them. This way my H. got the med. rare pieces.

I cleaned out my suv, so they would have room for all the hunting accoutrement.

Went back inside and made coffee in to-go cups.

I packed the sammy's in a thermal bag , with napkins, and an extra lid for H. thermos of coffee, which must be poured or one will be scalded.

Anyhoo, the look on my husband's face was priceless. He was SOOOO pleased! I could see appreciation oozing from every pore.

I took a risk, but glad I did. His pet peeve was that I didn't put him first. I didn't put much or any thought into what he likes, needs, desires.

I thought to myself, this weekend I did! Would I do this from now on ? Yes. Why? Because he's out in the dark and cold, about to bring home ( hopefully ) a freezer full of food.

I never would bring him to the airport or pick him up either...I would change that too.

Dr. Laura's book slapped me upside my head.

Even though his love language is touch, and quality time, I know acts of service are very important to him. His eyes twinkled this morning.

When his friend came in, he showed off the island I made out of an antique dresser. He was full of pride and compliments about it, in front of me! That did not go unnoticed and I appreciated him doing it.

So far all went well this early a.m. Pray he gets a deer, for more than one reason. It would reeeeally boost his ego, and I would get to see the butcher shop with him!

I hope I looked like a wife that someone would be a fool to give up. If not, at least I did the right thing and showed that I have grace under extreme anxiety and stress.

Ambivalent,
Sounds like the evening went very well and you handled it perfectly. You gave him plenty to think about on his way home to his condo.

I'm glad he asked about the leftover venison from last evening. This is a baby step in the right direction. He made the choice to ask and you provided what he needed. Very nicely done.

They will have a great day of hunting and hopefully he will bag a deer today.

Things appear to be moving in the right direction. Just remember not to push, allow him to come to you.

Enjoy your day!

Job,
First I realize you are Snodderly! Have to ask, why the name change?

Second W H E W ! THANK YOU.

He ended up going to the hunting buddies home to sleep. Guess he is closer than Annapolis and not as scary as sleeping over here. Kind of silly, but he does not want to give me ANY wrong messages. I know...

Hurts

Okay with that outtatheway...

This early morning was sublime. He's also alone in the woods for hours on end, hopefully thinking good thoughts.

I made an effort to think of his friend, so that his friend would be,

A. comfortable around me, and the two of us

B. enjoy coming over to the house, feel welcome

I'm hoping H feels:

A. proud of me, ( meaning that he sees a woman who takes the high road, gracious , giving, and thoughtful

B. That he is worthy, and appreciated

I'm hoping his bucket is filling, and he sees me just a bit differently. I know I surprised him. I got the " eye flash " body language, accompanied by a huge smile!

I'll take it! [:D

I'm going to call you Amba from now on too, Ambivalent, although I had the worst time trying to stop thinking of you as WIP

Wow....you did fabulously! You handled every challenge from the time change to the sandwiches like a pro. I love your description of the evening, "two friends enjoying good food and good wine, and nice conversation." No way your H could complain about you not putting him first this weekend. You did a great job of filling his love bucket and of making his friend feel welcome and comfortable. You are the bomb!

God what I would give to see that "eye flash" once again. I'm gonna say a little prayer that H bags a BIG buck, one he can be proud of and brag on when the two of you meet later at the butcher, and then.....who knows what!

I'm SO SO happy for you! And proud of you!