Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis MLC at age 32?

You do need to do this. Sooner rather than later.

Knowledge is power.

Better to do it now, imo, than as a reaction if he should initiate D. Do it now while your emotions are good, while you can be completely objective. Take copious notes. Last thing you want is to be in a mad, devastated scramble behind his crazy 8-ball...

Just my 2.5 cents.

Thanks, Tsquared! It doesn't hurt to just know what the laws are. I have no idea where this crazy train is going to go.

Hi Lost,
You sound really good! But just a side note, you will have low days too. Some days I am on the top of the world, I am confident and almost "look forward" to moving on to better things, without Boo. Then comes the days when u cry and ask God "why is this happening to me, what did I do wrong in my life to deserve this?"

You will bounce back and forth. Faith and Hope has really helped me. I have faith and hope that no matter what Boo decides, my life will have happiness in it again. Not sure when where how, but life cannot stay this way.

I hope you are taking a good look at yourself in this process. Not to sound harsh.

For me, in the beginning, I was the perfect wife, how could he be doing this to me, I cook clean, love him, want to be intimate, want to help him, live to make him happy....so HE was the one who was wrong and needed to change.

Although I do feel I am a good person and wife, I know that I am part of this marriage too, and thus own 50% of the problems. I now realize I am not perfect, and there are things I want to change, not only to be a better wife, but just be a better person in my other relationships also.

I've come to realize I am a bad listener, I need to practice active listening. I am not a good validator of feelings. I like to control situations and feel my decisions are the only correct ones. I depend to heavily on the approval of others for things that I like. I depend to heavily on people for happiness. I am a martyr. I am a jealous person, and it is hard for me to be happy for others.

All these things I am working on and I continue to find more things I want to change.

When you read on this BB, and people say over and over that you are going on your own journey, they ain't lyin'! We as the LBS, need to grow and change. Its hard, but its rewarding in the end.

Hope you have a great Friday!
God Bless!

I could have written that entire paragraph myself about being a bad listener, being jealous and feeling my decisions are the only correct ones. All of that describes me to a T. Right after my H moved out, I started doing a little navel gazing and I did find out things about myself that I needed to change. Those were some of those things.

You are so right in that it is our own journey too. If nothing else, these journeys give us the opportunity to actually look at ourselves and find ways to make our own lives better.

I guess the 2x4's need to come out as I went and contacted him on Monday!
I called him and we talked for over 2 hours. The day after that I talked with him online for a few hours too.
He's still saying all the same things, listing the reasons why he feels the way he feels. He kept saying the same exact things over and over and would say things like "don't you see?" "Don't you understand?" I would reply that yes, I do understand and yes, I do see.
He said that he has absolutely nobody to talk to or confide in and the only person he can talk to is his therapist.
He's now viewing his parents as bad guys too. When he went to visit them, they just told him to squash his feelings and go back to being with me. He didn't want to hear that at all. He keeps saying "nobody ever listens to me"
I'm trying my hardest to be there to listen to him, even though what he's saying is that he has been unhappy with me for some time and here's why.
Even though its hard for me to hear these things, I am trying to be supportive of him like a friend would. It makes me feel very sad that he doesn't feel like he has anyone he can talk to. He said his parents are judgemental and manipulative.
He told me that his mom barraged him with a bunch of texts trying to change the way he feels and then when he didn't reply she just finally said "well, you're on your own then".

Another issue I'm coming across now... I talked a few times with his parents and they are convinced that the other girl I mentioned in my original post is the reason for all of this. They feel like he's being sneaky so he can go around and see her and keep me in the dark and that makes them angry. They went as far as to tell one of my H's friends what they thought he was doing (they didn't know about our situation). This scares me because now they're basically on a witchhunt against him.

This guy I talk to on a very rare basis is definitely not someone I know.