Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Renewing...

WOW Jon... just catching up. Fantastic news, keep yourself guarded until she has proven and continues to do the work.

Very happy for you!!

Magic!

Slow, very slow. Time to process the whole situation and ensure that changes in both sides are permanent. It didn't take a month to drive a wedge in the M and it won't take a M to get it right back shinier than ever. Extremely glad to see the good news, just don't want to see you hop back on the roller coaster.

Slow is right, especially with W. She is very emotionally messed up right now, and obviously something is wrong when an extremely loyal and moral person can have an affair with someone she isn't even attracted to other than she said things like, "he was nice" or "he is no pressure". Not really stealing her heart, you know.

She did talk to OM last night, so he knows, and she told him we were working on our marriage, so they weren't going to see each other again, even as friends. She said she was nervous, but she also gave me her phone login, and said she won't delete any texts.

These are huge steps. I probably would be happier but W has been so mealymouthed about it. I have to keep reminding myself that she avoids conflict unless she is angry, so for her to take responsibility for her is big...

Jon, a lot of talk about her coming around and her mental state. You also need to take it slow to see if you have made the changes you need to. The things that lead to this situation are habits and traits you have learned over many years. Though this is a traumatic event that may have helped you see that you want to change, it can be very easy to fall back into old habits.

Take it slow, not only to see that she really wants to make a better M but also so that you can ensure you are a better partner for the long run.

I did find out this morning that W didn't specifically say no contact. She said she is having a hard time because she's still scared about us, and if she cuts him off she'll be losing a whole group of friends and a very good friend in him - so what if we don't work out. I told her she has to end the contact totally, but I understood everything is crazy and emotional. I also said we couldn't have any further contact until it was done - but I wasn't upset or angry.

She said she would absolutely do it, but to please pray for her. She said she doesn't love OM, and she knows she's definitely in love with me, but cares for him as a good friend, and it feels like cutting off a member of her family.

I told her I'd be praying.

Keep me focused and patient friends!

Sorry, she did say no contact in person, but didn't say "dont call or text".

Jon, I think you did the right thing to say NO CONTACT. She's not assesing that relationship with the right set of eyes. The best thing you can do is NOT appease this situation at all. Contimue to do it with class and confidence, but under no circumstances should you accept any role in this movie unless your the leading beau, from now till the credits role. Cotinue to be steadfast and stay true...

Sounds like she has stronger feelings for the OM than she's letting on. Not to be negative but I still wonder if HE is the one that's been trying to cut her off, hence the SUDDEN turn around.

Although, you too have made dramatic turn-arounds in a matter of hours.

If she is having trouble with NC, then its especially important to go VERY slowly, for your own protection. Make sure there is NC for an extended period and that she goes through withdrawls.

Can only offer my perspective. W said NC and it might have lasted a week, but she didn't go all the way through withdrawls and went back to contact stronger than before. Don't take too much solice in having access to phone or FB. Where there's a will there's a way. I found fedex boxes and letters sent directly to W work. Not trying to ruin a good moment, just offering warnings. SLOW and steady.

Jon,

Please remember our warning that ending things with the OM will be filled with fits and starts. You're gonna need a bottle full of patience pills on standby during this phase of reconciling. It'll be a bumpy road ahead for the pair of you.