Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis WHEN PATIENCE IS LOST

Ambiv - You did great! Your date sounded amazing. Great job allowing your H see that you can be together alone and have a great time with no stress or drama!

Wow Abiv! That sounds so fun, you handled the whole thing wonderfully. Big muscles indeed good job! And it is SO nice to hear you happy! 

I'm trying to think up a scenario for neediness too

Thanks guys...I'm not kidding myself though. This was one huge step, BUT, it is a STEP. If I could have this once or twice a month...it would go a long way towards rebuilding safety for him.

I'm trying not to be sexual, just friendly, appreciative, and fun! I actually am quite a fun person...Last week was really bad, I know, but I am going to try and let go of that.

I'm going to give what he CAN receive, not what I want. Goals

Keep things light, and kind.

Show love through kind acts of wee services

Try to keep using love languages. His top two touch, and quality time.

One thing I did notice. Not ONCE did I see his cell phone! That is huge, whether it was a coinkidink or not , I don't care.

It was really awesome to just have it be us.
I also did not put the radio on while he was in the house, it was quiet. That is hard for ME.

A - I have a question about how you are using your H's top love languages. My H's top love language is touch. I have been staying two feet away from H (no hugs, etc) because I did not want to pressure him in any manner and he previously would have run for the hills if I tried anything. He is softening a bit. I dont want to pressure him but I also am not sure how to use his love language at the same time. Half of the reason we are in this mess if because I ignored his love language for so long.

3boyz,

I just did what was natural. I needed stabilizing, so I reached out and held his upper arm. In the car I asked if he was still
working out, let him tell me and listened.

When he paused I told him I noticed his biceps seemed bigger, I noticed when I used him to support me, then I just reached out and touched him.

Now I am a touchy person, I'm a girlie tomboy, so I punch and hit when goofin' around.

I want to stroke his back., but I think it is too soon. I'm just going to pace myself , moooooove sllllowlllly.

I want him to be comfortable, and develop trust. Between now and tomorrow night , I need to make a list of what channels or shows I watch, so we can reduce the cable t.v. bill.

This will show that I'm serious about working with the bills. I already reduced the gymn membership, so that's a step.

Same here 3. I ignored his LL for awhile too. And he was also running for the hills if I tried to hug or kiss his cheek. I don't do that anymore, but sigh...

Would love to be able to squeeze his bicep! Anything! lol

Tomorrow night will be interesting.

I'm going to make sure my SUV is all cleaned out, so he can go take it to get the trailer bed. I will have the meat marinating, and have the veggies ready to roast. I'm going to put him to work helping with the salad!

I've got to think about topics of conversation. Things to spark him to talk and me to just listen! I'm going to have wine, and try and relax.

What to wear , what to wear. I did get some cool new shoes. Black patent leather pump, red patent heel , and a sliver of a platform in mock leopard print pony hair.

VERY sexy. I'm thinking of hemming some pants so they show a bit more! I'm thinking silk top with a button undone.

Perhaps a Victoria Secret bra, one that lifts the girls up a bit! We'll see...

I just want to have a good meal and be with my husband at night, and on the weekend. Again show him, he is important to me, that I hear him.

I even have the list of shows I watch, so we can reduce the cable bill!

You go Ambiv! You sound soooooooo good.

Ambivalent,
You sound a lot better these days...but remember...any changes that you make must become permanent and not to just win him back.

Keep things simple, but elegant and don't over do whatever you are planning. He will know that you are trying to win him back.

Good luck!

No, not trying to win him. Just want some moments that are stress free. Moments that not about the past, or what went wrong.

I built an island in the kitchen months ago for us. So when I cooked, we could interact, be together sharing. It was always him in his cave and me in the adjoining room or kitchen.

I wanted to connect more during the empty nesting. I figured as I finish things up , I can offer some wine. He can open and pour on the other side of island. We can just hang and talk.

We can eat in the kitchen him on one side me on the other , or we can sit down in the dining room. Whatever he wants. I just know, this is the second time he's willing to do something other than going to lunch in a restaurant.

Yesterday went well, I hope he had positive thoughts for the rest of the day and evening. That he wanted to share the place where the animals get butchered, and thought I'd like it, is a small step in the right direction.

I am interested in hunting, and personally camping too! I want to learn to use a bow, and rifle.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1jB_Jt6VtYs

Swing dance has been another of the things I like and have become a student of! So upbeat and happy, g r e a t exercise too, cardio and fitness!

I want to learn and discover SO many things. I would prefer it be with my H. I can hope ...

Who knows? I'm not trying to win anything. I just know he lost the ability to feel safe with me, I would like to build from there.