Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis My Wife is an Alien and its killing me...

Mtnman-Seems like this phenomenon is everywhere. Destructive MLCers are all over the place. I wish I was educated and aware earlier.

Man, I thought my recent findings we tough. I have to admit you are a stronger man than I am. I dont know that I could deal with all that you are. I admire your strength in your situation. I guess you need to decide for yourself how you truly feel about W. If the love is still there, I suppose you need to stick it out and hope she can find her way back to reality.

I believe in myself, family, and my kids. My greatest motivation at this point is that I cannot abandon my boys. I need them. I may be able to reach a point where I can honestly say that I want W, but I don't need her. I can tell you with 100% certainty that I need my children. They are my legacy to this world and I have no intentions of abandoning them to her selfishness and destructive behavior. S12 is o the cusp of learning how to be a man and I definitely need to be there to show him the way. It's my job to pick him up when he falls and pat him on the back when he succeeds. Being a teenager is tough.

My boys have become the great bargaining chip for W as well. Any time she goes on a tirade and spews at me, she reminds me that the boys would stay with her and if I make her leave she would take them. She takes the opportunity to remind me that she has been the one to take them to school and the doctor and taken care of them. She conveniently forgets that I have taken lots of days off for the same reasons. She knows I'll not leave my boys and has become upset that they enjoy being around me as I have dedicated more time to them.

I am smart enough to know the system as well. If I were to initiate separation, the chance of my children coming with me would be very small. Mothers are always given preferential treatment by the courts no matter what their actions are.

Don't get me wrong, I still care very deeply for W. I love the person she was and I have great hope for the beautiful person that she can be. I, however, cannot stand the person that she is right now. Day by day detachment becomes easier.

Not really any longer. It's always a cr*p shoot with the courts, but very often these days its 50/50 custody unless one or both parents is dangerous or cedes to the other.

No matter what, it's hard on the kids. Look at your W and how it affected her for example....

You have a good handle on things. A good perspective. You have a gift to be able to see things for how they are - so you know it's a matter of time. What you do in that time is up to you, but I think you'll be able to make it worthwhile.

AJ

Waiting game at this point just stinks. W is an intelligent woman who has seen things for what they are at times during the ride. She just isn't ready to let go of her OM crutch and start the work of accepting her actions. That would mean pulling herself up by her bootstraps and standing up to what she's done and being a responsible adult.

What I do with the time she has given me is make myself a better man. I've always only had a very small circle of friends and haven't been really outgoing in general. I find myself being much friendlier and taking initiative to care about friends lives and concerns.

Losing weight and getting fit has been rewarding. I had a younger coworker tell me yesterday that I looked good and if I wasn't married, that shed want to date me. She said 3 times, "Your wife must be proud of you." I didn't know what to say to that. I also got 2 big hugs from women friends in W's presence last night. These are actually her friends first, who became my friends as a result. Both ladies laughing and smiling the whole time. 2 more hugs than I've gotten from her in 6 months.

JF been skimming through your thread.

I think the best advice given here in these situations is detach and live your life like they are not coming back.

I am not telling you to end your M. That is personal to each of us here. I can only tell you this that if you choose to stick this this out for any length of time it will not be wasted.

Success?

You define that as well. Your children are watching you. So make sure you make choices for you and the man you want to be and not as a reaction to some crazy things your W is choosing.

It is not what she is doing to you that defines you and your M. It is what you choose in spite of it that makes all the difference and will be your legacy.

Choose wisely.

AJM is right you have time.

That kind of sounds as if you are blaming HER for everything...

Are you ????






Oh, and hey Grit, good to see you spreadin dust again...

Sorry. I messed up the quote above. Still getting used to this.

Hi JFun, I stumbled upon your thread searching around to see if Mnt Man is okay. The two of you seem to be cut from the same cloth - strong, upstanding, moral family men. I'm no vet, but can offer some help to you. uRworthy is a great resource and support for many of us stumbling along, trying to deal with our spouses' MLC. uR compiled a bunch of some of her old posts into one thread.

If you have time, read thru the first page or so. It helped me enormously: Gathered Some Old Posts

Hang in there. You are an inspiration!