Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers In what universe...? Part two

Good news about the test results . At least that means it shouldn't be anything too serious.

Typical UK weather for this time of year. We had wet and windy but warm yesterday, and the forecast is calling for brighter but colder over the next few days.

Not much to report on the H front, I've not seen him this weekend. He didn't come round today to pick up his son, swimming was cancelled and so he didn't bother doing an alternative activity with him! I don't know why he doesn't take my son back to his flat for a bit, maybe it's a mess and he doesn't want him to see it as it's supposed to be immaculate all the time, lol. I'm sure I'll hear from him soon though! My mum gets back from her hols on Tuesday and no doubt my H is waiting for me to tell her about selling the house (which I'm not going to!)
Back to college this week. I didn't get any work done in the hols, I was busy doing other things - like housework!
I've nearly caught up with my ironing pile and cleaned the bottom of the oven and the oven shelves this weekend The cats have been busy moulting again, so the floor will have to be done again!
Talking of which, I got home the other day and went into the living room. The floor was strewn with bird feathers! As soon as the cat heard me come in, she ran outside, lol. I was rushing that day and I only had 15 mins befre I went back out. I swept them up, but they didn't sweep up that easily! However I managed it Another thing that my H can't complain about now!
I'm going to try and book the advice centre tomorrow for debt management and advice about the house. No doubt it'll have to be 2 separate appts which is a pain! I'm also going to have to speak to my mentor about my hwk, although it wasn't due in on Monday, it is due in this week.
Well I suppose I'd better go to bed, it's nearly 11.30 and I'm up again at 6am!

You do seem to keep yourself busy dont you TTD!!

I agree 2old. Very busy life going on. Question, you picked up all the bird feathers, but did you find the bird? Or did the cat run out of the house with it?

Hope your son was too upset by his dad being a no-show.

Yuck, one thing I hate and will usually avoid if at all possibly is ironing. Fortunately most of the clothes over here are made to be no-iron which suits me just fine. My oven is self-cleaning so even that is an easy chore LOL. I did that a couple of weeks ago after cooking lamb chops - they really spit badly and left a mess in the oven. Did lamb roast today, with the same result - guess I'll have to run the self-clean programme again really soon.

Good luck with the advice centre - I know those places are often difficult to get an appointment with that fits your schedule (unless they've improved since I left the UK).

Nq, they haven't improved they're still hard to get an appt, lol. I hate ironing as well, but once the ironing starts spilling out over the top of the ironing bag then I know it's time to do some
HWA, I think the cat must've ran out with the bird as I couldn't find it. That's one of the first thing's I looked for when I saw all the feathers, lol.
My son is used to dad being a no show. He always makes alternative arrangements with me beforehand, just in case H doesn't show up!

2old, I've got to keep busy to forget about my current sitch. I tell you that you've got it easy with hardly any contact from your W.
News Update! Got a call from H today telling me that he's got a benefits check on Thursday and he's worried about it. He asked what they asked me and I told him on a need to know basis. I also told him not to worry and to ring them up if he's worried.
He's really tugging at my heart strings at the mo, not in a good way either! I'm not hard enough to tell him that's tough. I started off ok, but then caved in and said I'll speak to my mum. I don't intend to though
He started off by saying I can't re-mortgage the house as I'm not working. I said yes and I can't afford the repayments either and I can't get housing benefit on a mortgage.
He then asked if I would speak to my mum and tell her that he wants to sell the house and can she buy him out. This is also not going to happen!
He then started tugging at my heart strings and pressing all my buttons. He said it would make him very happy and get him out of his depression if he could just pay off all his debt. I validated this and said I'm going to the advice centre and see what they can suggest about my debts. I advised him to go, but he said he went 2 years ago and they can't help as we own our own house and the credit cards won't accept a reduced payment because of this.
I'm not a hard person and I sort of agreed to talk to my mum. I'm going to delay talking to her though. I'm seeing a counsellor next Tuesday so I'm going to delay it until then and see if she can give me some advice on how to deal with him.
HWA, this is for you - You know on your thread I asked you to let go and let God, well when I got that phone call from H, I prayed. I asked God to take it off me and for H to stop hassling me about this. Almost straight away I got a phone call from the counsellor to say that she can see me next Tuesday She did originally say tomorrow, but I can't get out of college as we're being given some new work to do tomorrow.
Normally it takes a few weeks before you can see a counsellor, this was straight away This is what happens when you leave your problems with God HWA
That is just one example. I do have others but I'm aware that not all my friends on here go to Church.
So this is where I'm up to. I've still not heard from women's support group, but was thinking of using the prayer line on UCB I'll see how I feel later on as to what I do about it, but It's causing me a lot of stress at the mo.

It's not really surprising that he's having a benefits check. They would have on their records that you used to be together, and you've just had your check. He should really have expected to get one as well.

It's really hard to stop letting them push buttons - I really feel for you on that one. I've told my H that I would do something then "conveniently forgot" - stick to your guns. You know it could make your R with your mum worse which I'm sure you don't want to do. And paying off his debt is not going to fix his depression, no matter what he thinks.

And that's great news about the advice centre getting you an appointment right away. It doesn't matter what they said two years ago - things have changed considerably since then and they may now be able to help. Have you tried contacting the women's support group again - it's possible that they've been busy and you've slipped through the cracks with them. It might be worth a try.

Thanks for the quick response NQ I've not got an appt with the advice centre yet, I just told him I'm going to get one.
You're right about my mum, it would make our R harder if I involve my mum in this which is why I don't intend to ring her about this. I can't say this to my H of course.
Good idea about conveniently forgetting to ring her or ask her about the money I don't want to lie, but I think sometimes it's called for!
When I got off the phone, I thought about what I should have said to him. I should have said what would make me really happy and get me out of my depression is for H to come back home. If he says well that's not going to happen, I could say well exactly! lol. Actually though I wouldn't have the guts to say that, but I thought it I don't want him back anyway at the mo, he needs to sort out his debt problems first.
I don't know how to persuade him to go to the advice centre, maybe the counsellor may have some ideas. I'm going to be seeing Relate NQ, who as you know deal with MC but they also have IC as well They normally cost a lot of money, but the college are paying for it

I wouldn't think of it as lying. More a case of omitting the follow up LOL . He's not around so he won't know whether you've tried to speak to her or not, and I'm pretty sure he won't call her to ask her himself now will he. Don't stress about the "should have" or "could have". What's done is done, what's said is said. You can't change that. And it kept him from going off on you as well so that is a positive .

Concentrate on your school work or something else for now. As you told HWA "let go and let God". Now, I don't go to church, but I certainly believe in God. I've done my fair share of praying since BD and I believe that it's how I've managed not to completely lose it and how I've managed to come as far as I have lately.