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Quite honestly Linda I would not put it past her to put on whatever face she felt was needed to win her end game. Don't put too much stalk into what you saw because she has already proven her character throughout this already

You're implementing some much needed lines and they're going to balk against them. Seem unaffected by your statements, trying to "prove" them will only make you appear to be lying but confidently continuing to continue your life shows you are just fine in your statements.

Hope today is going well hun:)

RL,
Tart is not confused one bit. She knows exactly what she's doing and what she needs to do in order to contrive a way to get your h won over. But, the one thing that I have learned is to set your boundaries and keep them in place. Now that you've let her have it, step back and allow him to squirm and try to find a way back into your good graces.

My friend, I wanted you to know something. When all this began for me, I had gotten very small in my marriage and in my life.

I needed to work really hard to grow. Really hard.

I see in you some stuff that I used to see in me. We are people pleasers. We love deeply. And those are good things.

The thing is that you cant be that, if they cause you to lose yourself.

Just because your h is in a MLC, doesnt give him the right to allow to you feel badly about yourself.

I feel like you do. I dont want that for you. You are a strong, amazing woman.

He is darn lucky to have you standing for him.

He needs to know that you respect yourself. He needs to know that in order to respect you.

There is absolutely no reason for you to feel uncomfortable setting those boundaries.

I know that it is hard for people like us who have a tough time with confrontation and who have a hard time with not wanting to upset anyone.

But, you have a right to feel comfortable in your own home. You have a right to be respected there, too.

We teach people how to treat us.

It is time for your h to see a new Rosa. One who acts from a place of strength, not fear. One who loves him, but, loves herself, too.

I will keep the pep talks going for as long as you need me to. I believe in you, my friend. I just want to see that you do, too.

RL,
I am so happy for you to set those boundaries with H. He needs to know that you are not going to allow him to walk all over you. You are such a wonderful person RL and you don't deserve for h to flaunt ow and her "stuff" in front of you.

Eventually he is also going to see that life would not be that good without you and he has it pretty darn good.

It also sounds like your MIL is alot like mine. They don't like what our H is doing and they are behind us but don't know how to help. My MIL said she watches what she says because right now my h is living with them and she doesn't want him to run to ow. I respect that.

For you I hope that this change in you will help your h realize things are going to change. I agree with job though rt knows exactly what she's doing. She is putting pressure on your h and if he shows any doubt about being with her she is going to turn up the heat.

Unfortunately I am finding out that is it very difficult for our h's to finally let go of ow. Mine keeps going back to her. I think my mistake was to put a little too much pressure on H when things were going good.

So, so proud of you Rosa. I'm sure your h didn't expect that! Keep it up.

RL,

I am getting caught up on your posts here. Wow, you really did a 180 with the confrontation. The ow/om are all losers. They have no self respect, no self esteem but they're also determined to get what they want at all costs. The prize isn't necessarily our h's or w's. They can smell a vulnerable person 100 miles away. Once they get what they want from them, they move to their next victim.

I'm still laughing at the salt and pepper/shaker and booties story. I would have put a dash or 10 of the pepper in the pot and before placing them next to it. If you dare touch the booties, I would snip a few threads here and there and let them unravel bit by bit just as their relationship will. My h's ow knitted him a winter scarf earlier this year. She definitely needs uR to give her a few more lessons. The scarf rolls up into a tube when not being worn and doesn't even lay near flat when it's on. When he came to take a few heavier coats and jackets he also took his cashmere/silk scarves. Guess what, the ow scarf is still sitting on the shelf read for me to modify as I see fit. I'm thinking that even HE sees how bu++ ugly that damn scarf is.

Keep up the boundaries. I've tested out a few myself over the past few days. It definitely makes them sit up and take notice.

Queen Rosa,

If I still had my Pom-poems from high school, I would be waving them for you!!

I am so happy for you that something released the pressure valve. That blow-up was a long time coming. I am glad you gave it RT and even more glad H heard. Because he is the one that your anger is truly aimed at. I mean, we all know RT us a twit but if not her, than it would be someone else.

And I am totally there for the Bogie coloured Bootie Burning Ceremony!! It not your fault that Russian wool is so tough, they walked out by themselves and ignited in the sunlight. He will have to swallow the story since his is even more incredible. Sleep under the stars. Snort. Well, Siberia is waiting.

Linda, sometimes a little anger - on our own behalf - is a good thing. For me and I hope for you,too that little bit of anger gave me a little more resolve and some self-respect or maybe more accurately feeling of self-worth. Somewhere along the way I lost that. You have been through so much with your optical health and H. Something had to give. I am glad RT presented herself as the punching bag.

And FY, you know I love you like a two dollar whore but no apologies to RT or to H. They would see it as a weakness.

Really? WooHoooo! Cause I got a lot more than 2 dollars...

hey linda -

hi and hope your day is good. whew - lots of input- i'm with ur and sombodies else who sees myself in you alot- i've been a people pleaser too- find it incredibly difficult to figure out some boundary and then blam it out there.

i love that your h didn't even get upset by it- it says quite alot about it all- him & his r with rt. (i think) i mean- if he was allllllllll in LOOVOOVVVE - he'd want to protect her i'd think. seems like he kind of likes someone leaning on her for a change - rather than merely her leaning on him.
idk-
anyway- like others here- i'm taking some heart from it and trying to look over self and "stand up and be counted " a bit more.

i'm a people pleaser too- like ur. find it hard as heck to demand respect from others. i actually do not really "get" the bit about people not seeing us for what and who we are and that in and of itself - garnering respect & caring, etc.

know what i mean? like, why in the world have we got to go around bashing people over the head to "get respect"> . i always thought actions speak louder than words- and you certainly have the caring and "good person" actions going on
.

oh well huh? another one of those darn real life dopey things that goes on allover the place - no justice and no reason i guess.

anwyay- yay for successful boundaries - i love the shakers disappearing- & find myself wondering this morning if the booties went away for ever or reappear? will await next installment of as the bootie turns.

are ya feelin like kickin butt more? or glad it's over?? just wondering- if such power is addictive and like chocolate- leaves ya wanting more and more???

zelda - she-wolf of the ss

have a great day

xxo

Thank you all so much for your support. You guys are the best! I am up to 98 posts, and am starting a new thread: She's gonna make it....

I'd planned to name my new thread Portia's "Bogie coloured Bootie Burning Ceremony" or Nero's "As the bootie turns" , but am feeling sort of down in the dumps.