Why would you ever apologize to the OW/OM??! S/he is not in the marriage. Don't even dignify or acknowledge her presence much LESS apologizing to her!!!
Because RL already dignified her presence by blowing up. RT WANTS RL to be pissed at her! I'd want to take that away, not leave her smirking like she was and still is. I guarantee an apology will have her wondering what the heck is going on. Especially when you tell her H is free to join her... and he never does.
The contacting the OW can of worms has already been opened. Now close it right.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
I disagree with you, my dear FY. Why engage with OW?? Just so that the can of worms can be closed?? How crazy does that sound to you? Oh please....it is not about that at all.
It is not about being nice to the OW/OM. F*ck that.
Linda simply blew up as any sane, feeling human being would given the circumstances. End of story.
I'd be damned if Ms. Wonka had ever called her OW "honey" in front of me!!!
RL, I'm sorry that you had a major blow up, but it's been bubbling for quite some time. Now, the tart knows what your h hasn't been sharing w/her. Let the chips fall where they may. I strongly advise you not to have any contact w/the tart. She's not nutty, but very sly and cunning. She knows exactly what she's doing and I would venture to say that this isn't the first con she's run on a man.
Do not apologize. She's a third party in your marriage and does not belong there.
Sending positive thoughts your way.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I hear where you're going FY. I do. I know that any spew from us gives the OW unlimited delight and that bites.
Still, I think there are other ways to reclaim power in a situation like this. First, is to back wayyyyyyy the he!!! off.
Linda, you had your say and that's more than many of us will have an opportunity to do. It's not such a bad thing. YOu behaved like any feeling human being, in this situation, would. And, the reaction you received (the smirking, the defensiveness, etc...) only goes to show how UNFEELING these two half-humans are.
Your H's insensitivity and inability to see/take your side shows how defective he is right now. And, as for the RT, it goes without saying. Someone who can smirk at the wife of a lover---I mean seriously? Their behavior was farrrrrr crazier than yours could ever be. Once the smoke clears, I think you will see this.
I wouldn't apologize to either one of them. Neither deserves that energy right now.
Take care of YOURSELF. Give yourself a few days to digest it all.
You handled it the best way you could in the moment. Now, let's all move on.
Heather
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Ah, Fy, you know I love you, and I see what you are saying, but, um, no freakin way should she apologize.
Who cares if she thinks Rosa is angry, crazy or anything else? Doesnt matter what the heck she thinks because SHE doesnt matter one bit.
The OW will be laughing at her if she apologized, trust me on that. And she is already wondering what the heck is going on - let her.
Here's how you close the can of worms right. You let this play out. You let Rosa's h tell the ow that Rosa is walking around like she is in charge and acting like that whole thing was just an annoyance.
She shouldnt give any more credence to that whole ridiculous affair.
The ow is nothing. She is not worthy of another word.
Linda you needed to do this, just so that H sees you're not going to be walked over especially in your home.
I agree with others here she does not matter YOU matter! I'm sorry FY but Linda was disrespected in her own home, has been for more than long enough, and I don't feel she owes anyone an apology. I certainly understand why you would think she would need to but I think that now apathy towards her will be much more effective than any further contact.
Linda don't beat yourself up over this. You did good Hun! You have created a hard line and these are certainly acceptable to ensure that everyone involved knows you have limits. Let H and RT figure out who's lying and who's not......this is not your probes
Lots and lots of hugs!!!!!!
M 16 T 20 M 41 H 39 S 19 S 15 Bomb drop April 4; Moved out April 13 D started-full force ----------------------- Dancing through the fire Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR
first breath- and try and not take it too hard. even in the book mwd says we "fall off the wagon" we dust ourselves off and do better tomorrow.
that is all- do better tomorrow. i'd skip the e-mail- just let her stew on it. she'll know it sounded true- it will be kind of apparent - she'll give him hell over it probalby, he'll blubber and cover up and so on-
don't beat yourself up about it- i think if i walke din- i'd do the same damn thing. who in the universe said we're supposed to be f'ing saints and martyr ourselves too boot.
it was an impossible sitch to be in- you did what any of us woulddo.
we're just girls having this awful thing shoved down our throats- soooooooo- we putz along doing our best.
you've been doin great for soooooolong- donja think you're entitled to a screamer? if i ran into ow- i swear to God - it would be a miracle if i didn't try and find a weapon of some sort & make a total fool of myself.
you're only human- you did okay. i'm sending tyhis - hope you are not feelin too bad about it. i'd say with your h, unless he brings it up- act justified and like it didn't even happen. just act like it was the most natural and logical thing in teh world to do- no???
hey i didn't see allll the other notes- but i'd say again- don't gie this stupid cow the satisfacdtion of even acknowledging her in this thing with an apology.
she can go to he!! and knows itl if she's smirking- she's such a pos i can't even begin to go there - anhy contat would just give her "face" and i'd say don't even let her know you know she's alive. it just happened - no biggie rite?
she was in your place, in your space & your life - (your h put her there - so it's his own damn fault. i wouldn't really even apologize to him- he's the jerk that had her sitting there in your face. part of me is jealouse - i'd love to spew on ow's head a bit- stupid cow. i've thought of calling once or twice- can't see giving her the stinkin satisfaction- and what the heck would i say anyway- wah wah , you did good- covered the pertinent points i'd say.
i hope you're okay- it'll be fine i bet , it's a kind of ineresting turn of events. you've got quite a stupendously wacky sitch going on there.
xxoo ,
you don't even owe either of them a darn thing i think-
I don't think you messed anything up. If anything you may have forced some much needed movement. I'd see this as your opportunity to take a stand... whatever that may be for you.
Agreed! I don't think you should feel bad about what you did, and how you acted. I think, if anything, it makes you look like a strong woman for standing up for yourself and speaking your mind. It must've at least felt a little bit good
Perhaps if your "more of the same" behavior is being quiet, reserved, then standing up to him is a 180 for you?
Originally Posted By: uRworthy
So, dust yourself off and get back on your path with your head held high. I think you should walk around with a different mindset. Like, yea, that's right, back the heck way up cuz I am Rosa.
Agreed and love it!!!!!
Love must be tough
-cp
M: 8 yrs T:14 Twins:7 S:5 BD:'NLILWY': Feb/2013 Mar/Apr/May: MC June: "living in limbo" Sept 12: H moves out Oct 20: reconciling Jan-Feb 2014:MC Feb 2014: separating, and H moved out.
