Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis So lost and hurt #3

4 is enough to do damage... And while I understand your negative feelings towards your W right now, I would think there would be more concern about your D and her well-being.

I'm thinking that if the alcohol had anything to do with what happend that it opened her eyes up big time. Only she knows whether it did or not.

We can only hope...but I wouldn't count on it. MLC'ers do more crazy things and seem to have no remorse for it.

Focus on you and your D. She needs you now more than ever.

So needed to vent a little after what D just told me. I said are you sorry mommy hurt herself? She said yea she jumped on Scott's back and fell into the tv. So much for her story about playing with D and hurting herself. I wish so bad I did not even just hear this. D says yea daddy Scott is my friend he comes over every night. He's taller than you are. Wow I'm kinda crushed right now. What should I even do? Thought things were improving guess not. OM in the picture for sure. I want to just tell her goodbye when I drop D off later. I could have possibly dealt with this not knowing, but now that I do I'm not so sure. I knew there was no way she got that hurt from what she said happend. That was the name that texted her when she was showing me a video on her phone about two weeks ago. She responded that it was nobody to worry about. So much for that bs. I'm really lost right now as to how to handle this. I cannot pretend like I don't know

To think I just brought her lunch to the house before, ate and sat there for over a hour on the couch waiting for D to get home from being with inlaws. What must they think knowing what I just found out? They live right across the road from W and see everything. I feel like such a sucker right now. I seriously need to know how to handle this. She needs to know I know. Should I just go dark without telling her I know? Or say something then go dark? Wow I'm floored right now.

Tell her that you found out about the OM and that he's there every night and that it is how she got injured. Tell her that you will not be lied to any longer and that from now on it's strictly business. Then say that she is not allowed to have your D with the OM. Lay a boundary down.

I agree with MrB. Setting boundaries can help you gain back some self-worth and control. Not control in a superior way, but in a way that allows you to feel like you are not being taken advantage of in this mixed up crazyville of a world.

Sorry you found this out. That hurts.

So she called while I was at the beach saying she had a bad feeling about something. She was right. I told her what D said to me. She admitted OM was there but that they grew up together and he is in a relationship right now that is on the rocks. Admitted they have hugged but nothing more, that he basically helped her emotionally while she was very mad at me. Swears they are just friends but she thinks he likes her. Just sent me a long text about how her thinking I'm mad at her is killing her. That she is still confused and cannot make any promises about our future. That she sees and appreciates my positive changes. It's just hard for her when she thinks back on how things were. I have calmed myself down from before, just reminding myself I can't control what she does.

She also said he is around a lot less now that her anger towards me is gone now. It's just the bad memories that are hard to get over. It felt good to let her know what D told me. The old me would have kept it in and let it control me.

That is really awesome. See? you did it!

And she even responded with some real feelings! See this as positives in response to the changes you are making and keep at it.

That is so great to hear how it worked for you.

Just dropped off D. Dressed all nice intentionally. She said you look really nice are you going out? I just said no. Not much talk made it quick. Going dark tomorrow

I don't really know how to say this but as you know I'm a pretty sensitive person and thinking you're upset with me is killing me. I'm trying to work through a lot in my head and I'm really confused. I can't make any promises or tell you what's going to happen. I don't want you to be mad/upset with me. I'm doing what I have to do to figure out what I want. I'm not angry at you any longer but everything is still there, all the hurt, all the bad treatment. It's hard to let go and I'll never be able to forget it. I just need you to know that I appreciate your efforts and I am trying.

This was W text in response to me telling her what D said. What do you all make of it?