Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Piecing Our Marriage Back Together Again ITS HAPPENING AND NOW I'M SCARED!!!!!

Anitasues, looks like you are on the right track. Making progress and definate baby steps here.
Trust is a hard thing to give and receive expecially when the person you want to trust or you want to trust you has harmed you or hurt you. But the biggest thing is that Your H said he did forgive you.
Om and Ow out of this picture there is only room for two in my love cycle.
Hugs and prayers,

halo: yes, you just described me--a doulbe life for sure. I thought it was friendship also and grass greener. How did you make a break from OM. Just curious. OM still calls me once in a while or e-mails me. Thge kicker for me was when he strated drinking again after 12 yr sober. Now he always calls me that he hasn't had a drink, doing well. Last night, d had dance, I had such a headache when I came home from work, I went to drop off d after dance and of course ex wasn't there. D was like maybe he is over uncle house's still helping him with his house. I got frustrated and made a comment that if I would have known that, then I would have taken her straight to my house. D said that she didn't want to sleep over my house anyway. Around 9 p.m. ex calls, I'm in the bathroom and d tells him how if he does this the next time mom is taking me to her house. He finally came home at 10:10 p.m. and then I left to go home. I feel like the babysitter. D was reading and nothing good on t.v. so I starred at th ceiling thinking what am I doing here, this is not my home. I started having thoughts of OM and wondering what he was doing. I was almost asleep and d said that I could go and lie down in d's bedroom. I told her no, thats not my bed anymore and started thinking--nothing in this house is mine anymore. I just can't wait until counseling!!!!!!!!

hi randy: I used to follow your stitch, but you were doing so well, I slacked off. I hope you are still doing well.

Anitasues

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halo: yes, you just described me--a doulbe life for sure. I thought it was friendship also and grass greener. How did you make a break from OM. Just curious. OM still calls me once in a while or e-mails me.

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Well to be honest with you it was the hardest thing I have ever been through in my entire life. Long story short... OM and I always had a great time together, We always went out to the bars and such. Well one night we went to a bar. When we got back to my place he opened the door pushed me down in the breeze way, dragged me into my apt and proceeed to choke me. Lots more details but they dont need to be mentioned. I though for sure he was going to kill me, screamed and finally got the strength to get away from him. Ran across the hall to get neighbors who called police. I had to get a PPO and press charges. OM and I were together for 18 months and he never called me a bad name much less did anything to harm me. This is a lot to take in but this is all it took for me to realize I was too good for this. Every since this day December 11, 2001 I have thanked the good lord above for giving me one more chance to change the person I turned into. I have come a long way.
I hope and pray that no one else has to go through the pain I had to go through in-order to realize this is the wrong thing to do and break it off.
What ever steps you take to get rid of OM make sure you stick to them, I tried several times before dec 11, 2001 to break it off with OM but always came back to him because of sweet emails or innocent phone calls. Its not worth it. I wish you the best of luck. If you need me im here for ya!

What do you mean by you hope he doesn't have what you had?!
I am glad that you guys seem to be working through it slowly but surely.Did you guys have a time period where there was no contact? Do you ML?We don't date yet.He only suspects that I had an A but I never admitted it. My C said don't tell. Just repent.He said that he had an A because not enuff ML. We all know that it is much deeper than that but he doesn't realize that sex was the area of our marriage that suffered because of the breakdown elsewhere. Ml has been better now than it has ever been.How do you rebuild trust?

I had the worse case of the flu I think I have ever had!!!! Well, ex didn't suspect anything and I openly admitted everything, when I probably should have just repented and try to repair my marriage. Since day one, we have contact almost everyday either in person or by phone. I tried to ML to him, but it did work. He just couldn't get in the mood and that was 2 yrs and I haven't tried anything and he hasn't yet either. Rebuiding trust, well, I am always there for him, I listen, and I have worked really hard on myself and he took notice. It was a lot of little things. But I have my own apt. now, no more credit card debt, maintaining my car etc. Lost weight also. I am glad to here you are seeing a c.

Thanks for responding Anita. I am seeing baby steps and trying to stay positive. Sometimes neg thoughts creep in my mind but I block them. Isometimes want to ask him who is on cell with or where he was. I resist the(haven't did it in over a month ) I know that needy,pressuring,ask questions is not attractive ! I am so glad that you 2 are moving toward being a family again. I wish you soooo much luck. I sometimes wonder why it takes a crisis for us to grow because it hurts soooooo bad but it will be worth it.

I start Tennis lessons on tuesday. SOmething I always wanted to do and never did. 180 for me. I can't wait!

Awesome--one whole month--good for you, you should feel really good about yourself for that because we all know how hard it is to do! Enjoy tennis lessons, I think it great!!

randy and anyone who has been d for several years and has rebuildt or is trying: do you feel when you are trying that something is missing, that you feel a void , but as time goes on that void becomes smaller and then goes by? While in church this weekend, I just felt like something was missing/lost or even gone from my ex and I, I seem to describe it the way I want too. Dropped off daughter Sun and he was telling me about his bike ride and we were joking around then I left and every Sun I will leave and then around dinner time I get my daughter inviting me over. She tells me that d wants to invite me over. I don't know why he doesn't say something while I'm there, its not like I have ever said no. I declined last night, I was doing laundry and since I live in a aprt. complex in my building 4 people use the laundry washer/dryer so I have to take my clothes out as soon as they are done. I don't know if I'm missing the human touch or what, god I can't wait until our c starts. I mentioned to him where to c was and I don't think he was paying attention, he just said yeah, yeah. I will give him directions one more time and when the appt is. I guess the passion is gone I hope someone understands what I'm trying to describe!

I know exactly what you are trying to describe. I can see my M heading that direction, and I want so badly to believe I can bring it back before it gets to that point.

I have to believe that the resentment and distance and lack of passion will dissipate, and it's just our (the DBer's) way of distancing and putting up that emotional wall to protect our feelings. Just like love, passion has to be worked on. You have your work cut out for you. Yucky, I hope you get the key soon, so I can copy off of you and don't have to do the work. (kidding-patience, I know, patience... )