Good luck to you FY. Sounds like you are very excited. I wish all of us could feel that positive in our own sitch. We are all rooting for your night to go well. I hope not to see you on here tonight!😜
Both 40 T-22 M-18 S13 S11
Bomb, ILYBINILWY-7/10/13 EA #1-confirmed 7/10/13, ongoing since 5/13 EA #2-9/13/13
So the night started out a little rocky. When I got home the flowers were still on the front porch, and W was in bed taking a nap. She tripped over our geriatric dog, and while trying not to fall on her, W fell and hurt herself. So she took some advil and went to bed.
When attempting to open the flowers, she had trouble and cursed! (didn't yet know they were from me, ) Made some uncomfortable facial expressions when reading the card. (and the dopes at the shop typed "Your" instead of "You're") (D'oh!)
Went to dinner and blew a wad. There were bits of quiet time, but we did talk. She told me LS gave her H a "buy out offer". (her words) I asked what does that mean. She said if H gives her $XXXX, LS would be gone from the M. W said the offer was more than fair, and H would be foolish not to agree to it! Also told me GF officially dumped her BF today. The good news is W is still here, not asking for buy out deals or dumping me!
We did talk about the bedroom and office renovation projects, and some initial planning for Thanksgiving day.
After we got home, and W took her shower, I asked her to come sit on the couch. I stood behind and brushed her hair, and massaged her head and shoulders. She had her iPad out, and started telling me told me stories of her friends. How GF was going to Vegas for a work convention, and W and maybe even MMF were going to meet up with her there to see some shows. Even how GF and MMF met, and that it was "not a date". (and 8 years later, it still isn't)
Besides MMF, there are 3-4 other guys in their group, all much older than me. I keep thinking they're kinda like the Seinfeld gang, except with two Elaine's!
W kept talking and I kept brushing. It was very comfortable, but I couldn't help but think that I may forever be stuck in best friend role. Something I could not put up with eternally. I gave her another small gift, a Pandora bracelet charm. It was a dolphin, to commemorate us seeing wild dolphins on our 30th anniversary last June. (they don't make whale shark charms) She really liked this gift.
W then went to her bed, and I took our dog for a walk. W almost always goes to bed without saying a word to me. So I was surprised when she came out of her room to see me as I came back in from outside. She thanked me for dinner tonight, thanked me for the gifts, and thanked me for brushing her hair.
Then it happened. She walked closer to me and initiated a hug! The first in more than a year, and it felt real. I told her she's very welcome and I truly hope she had a good B-day. We joked a bit about her getting hurt when she almost fell on our dog, and said good night.
Did I do good?
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
I felt giddy for you when I read this. That is such a positive ending to the evening that SHE initiated a proper hug! and it felt real ... Love it!
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
FY, Yes, you did good. Slowly, but surely she's warming back up. Try not to get too impatient w/the progress she's making. She's still there and that's what counts.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
FY, Try not to get too impatient w/the progress she's making.
Who, me? It's not like I've signed up for the "Navigating Divorce" course, or started going to divorce support meetup's. Oh wait a minute...
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Latest book W checked out from the library: Taking the Leap: Freeing Ourselves from Old Habits and Fears by Pema Chodron. I never see her reading these things though... FB seems to be the bomb. (and a diversion if you ask me)
Oh well, I guess we all have to figure stuff out our own way.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
Happy for you FY!! She is warming up to you! My H hadn't hugged me for about 7 months, then when he did I nearly had a heartattack!! So I know how good it feels. Slow steps and you are doing great!
-cp
M: 8 yrs T:14 Twins:7 S:5 BD:'NLILWY': Feb/2013 Mar/Apr/May: MC June: "living in limbo" Sept 12: H moves out Oct 20: reconciling Jan-Feb 2014:MC Feb 2014: separating, and H moved out.
I was SO anxious reading your update about your night out with your W! And, I'm so excited that she initiated a hug and seems to be warming up!!! Yay!!!
) Made some uncomfortable facial expressions when reading the card. (and the dopes at the shop typed "Your" instead of "You're") (D'oh!)
