Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis MLC at age 32?

You may be getting lied to but you probably won't get any satisfactory answers until he's good and ready. Yes, you'll drive him further away.

Keeping your eye on the end game will help, in most cases, will help you to move forward

If an MLC'er opens their mouth they are lying.

The first thing I write on day one is believe nothing they say.

So I guess you dont want to believe me when I said that but you are trying to believe your MLC'er?

Think about that.

I definitely believe you, Cadet.
I need to keep reminding myself this fact.
The weird thing about my situation is that my H just up and left and didnt tell me anything. All he told me is that he "needed to be on his own for a while". He didnt give me the ILYB speech and he didnt say anything about a divorce or legal separation. He just up and vanished after giving me a list of things that bothered him.
The fact that he is in complete hiding from friends and family leads me to believe its definitely a MLC.

Leads me to believe the same thing!

Now leave him alone and work on YOU

My H said "I don't like you!" and gave me his list of grievances before he left. No mention of D, although now he's full force ahead, but I never got the ILYBNILY either. Mine continues to hide from most, not all, people. Actually, it's his old friends and his family (whom he couldn't stand) that he sees now. Oh, and people from his work. No one that truly knows the difference of what he says and reality.

Try doing one small thing a day just for you.

take care

Thanks for the replies to my thread, I appreciate it!

This whole MLC thing is just insanity.

I am just taking things one day at a time. I'm still seeing a therapist thankfully.

Hi Lost,
My H is 30 and I believe he is going through MLC. I like to call it a "life transition" since we are not midlifers yet.
Click on my name and read my situation.
My H has never once told me ILYB, he maintains that I am his best friend and he loves me and he always wants to talk to me and will be there for me but he "wants to be alone" and thats what he tells his family also. I live in our home with our dog, no kids, and he comes and goes. He has been staying at a friends house off and on from what I understand. No affairs as far as I know, I can't bring myself to check the records. This all started in May this year (although I can now see its been going on for a while) and I check the phone records constantly and never found one fishy thing, so to save my sanity I stopped.
Read, and re-read and the re-read again. Stay on this MLC board.
You will get stronger. I promise. 6 months ago, I was crying begging pleading for him to not leave me, I loved him, you are my everything, I'm nothing without you. EW! I want to slap that me!! I need NO ONE!! I WANT my marriage to work, but if it doesn't I know that there is plenty of happiness that is coming my way.
Not sure if your religious, but prayer has helped.
You are on my watched list, since our H's are the same age range, and it's been hard to read all the MLC stuff and read about ppl being together for 15+ years, tons of kids and are 40+ years old. Although the scenarios sounds similar, its hard to get past those big differences when reading ppl's sitches.
I have ordered some of the recommended MLC books, I will let you know if any help.
You have a friend in me. I'm Monica BTW. Keep smiling, even though its tough.

Hi Monica, Thanks for posting on my thread! I will be sure to read your story too.
It definitely makes a difference with not having any kids and being pretty young still.

My H is a complete vanisher, haven't heard one peep from him since the start and he is ignoring family now as well.

I totally agree with not looking at the phone records to save your sanity, I've done the same thing. It doesn't matter what is on there and I will only make myself nuts.

Hi Lost,
Thanks for stopping by.
I re-read your posts. DO NOT CONTACT HIM.

I moved out of our home in early Sept, and silly me, I expected him to call me. NOPE. Heard nothing for a good two weeks, until I contacted him because I needed stuff from the house.

You may think you don't have expectation, YOU DO. I did. Even when I got back to my home, I expected him to be there, I expected him to want to talk. NOPE AGAIN.

I still have no explanation of what is going on in his head, how he feels about us or what he really wants to do. I've gotten silly MLC talk (which you've read in my posts, renting a room ha!) But that's it.

People will badger you. That is a hard part. His family and mine are very worried about me, and feel that I need to DEMAND him to make a decision. But what good would that do? When people on the boards say it is the LBS's decision it really is. I am choosing to stay for about a year, due to finances. If this time next year we are still in the silly waffling game, then I will say, OK its times for me to get my own house and you can rent your room.

But since you H is MIA, all you can do is DROP THE ROPE. Drop it. You are your only responsibility. That's how I look at my life. Not in a hostile way, well at first it was. I walked around my house thinking to myself, "I'm not touching those dishes they are HIS, I'm cooking my OWN dinner, I don't give an EFF what he eats, I'm doing MY laundry, I'm cleaning MY room, I'm walking MY dog, I'm leaving the house, I'm watching TV, ME ME MY MY, I I I ME!" But then the anger fades and it atleast for me, it has turned into a roommate situation. I don't do his dishes, because they are his and he acknowledges that. If he asks about planning to eat together, he has to tell me ahead of time, because my dinners are already planned, and if he wants to do something with me or go out, I need to know.

But you are not there yet, atleast I don't think you are.

I've found the board is a great journal. I love journaling but the hand cramps from writing are no fun. Typing is better for me.

Also, making a schedule for yourself is helpful. Even if it is just mundane things.
For example, my normal schedule:
Monday
8:30-4PM- Work
4:30-6:30 Home, feed Paw, chores, check email/reg. mail, put on music, walk Paw for 30min.
7PM- dinner
8-9pm-pleasure reading
9-10Pm TV relax Bed!
I give myself time limit for things, especially sitting and watching TV, which although I love to do, I get sucked in and then I feel depressed that's all I did.

You may think you have NOTHING to do, but if you force yourself to get out and do something, anything, you will find yourself actually busy!

I mean, my week is CHOCK full! Monday was my orchid society, Tues is girls night with BFF, Wed is visiting with Mom, Thurs is walk night with MIL, Fri I'm going out with BFF, Sat is for me and Paw and my garden, maybe visiting other friends/family, Sunday is Church, doing chores and getting ready for work week. I still have to fit in groceries, look at bills, and trying to relax!

Just some advice. But since your H is MIA still, leave him be. No contact unless you have to for house/bill/pets etc. I read you want him to know you are still a friend. If and when he reaches out to you, and you Act As If, that will be your time to show him.

I have contact with H, and I still initiate none of it. I would LOVE to text him just to say Hi I'm thinking of you, but NO. I don't ask him if and when he'll be home, I only ask if he's staying when he is home, and I don't let the answer affect me. I don't ask him anything about anything, but he is starting to tell me more and more, volunteering more info about his day, his schedule.

It takes time, but you have to be strong. I'll be checking in on you

Thanks for your post! I will drop the rope! It has taken me a while to detach from him but I feel like I'm just about there. People have told me to contact a lawyer just to see what my rights are. I've been thinking more about doing that.

I find that my weeks are chock full as well! It's nice to keep busy and that way we keep our mind off things at least for a little while. I have gone from being in a pit of depression - just sitting on my couch, not moving the whole entire day. To being about to go out and actually have a little bit of fun without H there.

I'll keep checking on you, too!