Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis I Believe it Cause I Feel It

Thank you Wonka.

I'll reiterate that he cannot be listening in to conversations and certainly not share anything he overhears.

I did tell her. When I received a phone call from my L saying I was poisioning the kids. I told her just that. And I said he won't come. He doesn't come anywhere near the house. She said well let's put Saturday 2pm in so it's on the record. I said sure. Well, he had to work and said that he had had a good conversation with S14 a week ago, more like two but who's counting, and that he will continue to talk with him to improve their relationship. That was just over a week ago my L and I talked. It's been three since S14 has responded to H. I'm guessing his approach isn't working. Maybe, just maybe, when I say S14 is the type of child that needs people THERE not texts or phone calls you'll believe me.......yeah, right. Then he'd have to admit he's doing this ALL WRONG. I've made some errors, not perfect at all, but at least I'm researching. Trying.

My L sent me a lettre that H's L sent

I need to cease involving the boys in litigation. That the boys have overheard me saying H is in mlc and that I'm involving the boys in choosing items to take from the house". Basically, got my head slapped

I was furious! I asked S18 if he ever mentioned mlc to his dad, or any other in laws, and he swears he never did. As for the furniture, like I've mentioned in earlier posts, I did a lot of research and talked to some educators/counsellors and they thought it was a good idea as it allows the boys "a voice" in this. It also opens up dialogue in that they can talk about their feelings and I can assure them it'll be ok. I had to explain this to my L. I had to fell her that teenage boys eavesdrop. I'm on a different floor or room, with doors closed.....what do they want from me? H has no one, ever, it's so easy for him to not have to worry about kids listening in!!

H abandons these kids and then has the nerve to write a letter saying I'm using the kids in litigation?? Yet, I message him to tell him about the furniture and he calls S18 to respond (I did tell my L that) and I'm the bad parent?

WR,
Breathe! He's going to try every angle to make you look bad and it's called deflecting. Instead of telling your lawyer that you've not done these things again, I would sit down, craft a letter and give it to her. She needs these things in writing now. Reassure her that you are not discussing anything on the phone in close proximity as to where the boys are and if they are listening in at the closed door, you don't have any control over that. Besides, your sons are old enough to put two and two together to figure things out w/o being told.

Have you ever mentioned to anyone in his family that he's in mlc? If you have, that may be where the mlc chatter is coming from and he's wants to make it look like you are telling your son this info. If so, do not say another word to them about it. I don't trust the sil and believe me, blood is thicker than water.

Keep in mind, he has to vilify you in order to look good and play the victim. He doesn't want to tell his lawyer why S14 doesn't want anything to do w/him. If he continues to do the things he's doing, he will lose S18 as well.

Write your response, sign and date it and advise your lawyer that this ends the discussion about those items. That you are not going to continue rehashing these topics and paying top dollar to continue to defend yourself about them.

It's funny you say that job. I just finished messaging my sister, she's a much better letter writer than myself, basically saying just that and that I need to know she has my back. I'm tired of the lies and the pushing. I would say 85% of the money I've spent is in response to sh1t he says!!!!

Early on I did talk to the one sil about H's mlc. She agreed, I sent her literature, she even said that it sounds like her DING DING DING but have not discussed it again in months. Actually, the last time I contacted her was in re to fil being in hospital and sending my prayers. Then she called s18 left that nasty voice mail and then contacted me this past thanksgiving. I told her of my concern for S14, very generally, and that he was back in counselling and that I hoped it gave him a voice as he does not talk about anything other than video games. Then she unfriended me off of fb 4 days later and made the nasty comment to my T on fb.

How standarders don't end up in looney bins is an act of God

Oh and a few of you may get a chuckle out of this......told my BIL (they work on this same site although not directly with each other)

I hope this doesn't get to the point where when people see me coming they walk to the other side of the street.......

Really?? I think you jumped off of that bridge months ago!

Wr,

Sounds like you have the mlc'ers coming at you from all angles! That must feel rough. At least here you know you have support that it is NOT you, at all.

Maybe this is the zombie apocalypse we all hear about. The mlc'ers are really zombies now! They're taking over. LOL!

Seriously though, I'm sorry you have to deal with so much extra added cr@p. Keep posting and believing...in YOU.

WR,
Be sure to address the issue of the furniture in your response. You need a list of what he wants in the way of furniture and tools.

Also, you need to state that he needs to schedule visitation times w/you in advance and adhere to stated times. That means picking up your sons and returning them home. If he's going to be late, he needs to contact you, not your sons.

Also, state that he is not to discuss the negotiation issues w/S18. That any discussion about the furniture, etc., are to be discussed w/you or better yet, handled through the lawyers.

You have to turn what he's said around.

Also advise your lawyer that she is to advise the opposing counsel that there will no more discussions about what your sons hear in your home, i.e., you are discussing your divorce issues behind closed doors on another floor and you do not have control over where your sons are at any given time, i.e., you have advised them that when the door is shut, that means privacy and no listening at the doors. Your lawyer needs advise the opposing counsel to counsel her own client on such things as well.

WR, I went through some stuff whereby it got absolutely stupid, but I put my lawyer on notice when things were stupid and I had to advise him that I wouldn't pay for childish he said/she said stuff. That we were negotiating a divorce, not a playground argument. When I asked him who was paying him for representation and he responded that I was, I then proceeded to tell him exactly what he needed to be doing and to do it. Once he realized that I wasn't playing games, he started doing what needed to be done. But, as long as you are willing to play the childish games of he said/she said, the lawyers will rack up the billable hours and you both end up paying more. Bottom line, take a firm stand w/your lawyer. She needs to understand that you've had enough and get to the business of representing you and remind her that you are the client and paying her to represent you.

I want to affirm what Snodderly says about taking charge of your own L.

In my situation, Ms. Wonka and I intended to head for mediation. From the very beginning, I instructed my L to treat any exchanges with Ms. Wonka's L with dignity and respect. I never wanted any of the aggressive, antagonistic sh!t flowing back and forth. Then Ms. Wonka's L brought up some really nasty stuff and tried to intimidate me in a legal manner, I immediately nipped that in the bun by instructing my L that the mediation was now firmly off the table and for Ms. Wonka to refrain from contacting me during the proceedings (she tried to talk to me during this process via texts/emails).

Boy, things changed afterward...and FAST. By being firm and nonsense in my dealings with my L, it filtered out to the other side. From that point and on, it was strictly business between my L and her L in hashing out the financials and other agreements. That part of the process did protect me both emotionally and financially.

WR....are you ok, sweetie? Just checking in on you.

Hello Wonka (and job).
Thank you for cheking in Wonka. I'm tired. Not sleeping with my provincial taxes due, mortgage due, bills to pay and no money from H. I want to message him so badly, I won't though, asking when he's going to allow his children to eat?

I haven't heard from my lawyer, and for money costs I'm not going to initiate, but when she contacts me with H's counter offer I'll make sure to add what you've both suggested. H isn't talking to me at all right now. Which is good but makes me nervous too. Make sense? S18's bday is on the 5th. H asked what he wants for his birthday and wants to take him out on the 6th........I want to tell S to ask for the child support so he can eat every other night.......I've bitten my tongue:)

S14 had a melt down at school last week. My nephew, also in the same grade, told my sister that he had a meltdown in homework club after a teacher said he needed to complete his assignment. I've messaged his GLC (each grade has a teacher rep, like a union rep, an adult that would attend any major reprimand or conflict and be on the side of the child) to set up a team meeting of his teachers and counsellor, if possible, so that I can go in and discuss strategies to ensure this doesn't happen again and to make them aware of his fragility. Also, met with. Y family dr and we're going to get him assessed to see if he's ADHD, anxiety, if his separation anxiety has evolved due to all of this. Bring him to see the dr tomorrow to start the ball rolling.

I mentioned to the dr that H had emergency gallbladder surgery. He knew as he'd received the file. The office had called him in but they were ignored he said. I told him some of the stuff he's been saying and doing, he's known us for 20 years, and said he's snapped. He's just not right he said. I told him how I had asked he boys to help me pick the furniture and he said it was a sound idea and that he supported my decision. Also, told him, now after S14 came home after his first counselling session and told me he loved me and that he trusted me to always be there for him. He said that was fantastic. Said that I'm his soft place to land and have his back. I said I feel like I'm not doing enough, that I'm not enough, and he said I'm doing great. Children need at least one person and I'm his one and he's going to be ok. Made me cry. Teenage boys need their dad and I just feel like I don't add up. It was nice to hear though.

Went and got my teeth cleaned today, need to replace a filling, not urgent but will need to do it before h cuts me off medical, although I'm going to be asking to stay on his plan as part of my settlement. He pays for the boys and it's no more money to have me on as it's a family rate.

Huge event next weekend will keep me crazy busy next week....it's work:)