Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis My Wife is an Alien and its killing me...

Work on not allowing her actions/feelings determine your course. Decide who you are, better still who you want to be, and work on being that person consistently.

No walking around on eggshells. Be confident, be strong. You can do this.

We all want our W's. The fact is we don't NEED them.

Don't be hard on yourself when you have trouble doing the above. We all do, but it does get easier. Dust yourself off and get back on course.

"Greatest realization for me was that no matter what happens between me and W, I will always be their Dad."

Amen. Hang in there man. I know how tough this can be. I personally think you need to ask her to start helping out. I know they don't like that, but she'll actually respect you more way down deep somewhere. Not that you do, but don't think you'll win her back by doing everything around the house.

ETC

^^^ Agreed. If you ask in a pleasant, non confrontational, non judgmental manner you have nothing to lose. No one respects a doormat.

Thanks for the advice. She out if the blue decided to do the dishes and ran up the kitchen the other night. I stayed out of the way and didn't react at all. Went on my nightly run and went to bed. Next morning I told her "Thank you for cleaning up the kitchen, it looks nice." I got a smart ass "Just doing my part" retort. I feel like I can't win. On top if it all, my job [censored] right now. I cannot get any support from her about it, so I struggle alone. I think I'm going to seek IC next week to help me. I just need more support. This community is great, but I need a face.

Great plan. I got an IC a few months in to W's MLC, and my counselor really helped me in a lot of ways. An unexpected benefit, is that I actually look forward to counseling sessions, and it is nice to have anything in your life that is worth looking forward to right now.

I should mention that I hired a female IC of my age, because I really wanted a woman's insight into what a woman like my W might be thinking/going through.

Never thought about a female counselor. We had 2 MC sessions with a male counselor back in Aug. W refused to return because it was "All about her." I'll look into finding a female. That would really be helpful.

Good night last night. W wanted to watch a movie with me. Her selection. We spent about 4 hours together, no kids. She didn't sit beside me on the couch, but we were in the same room enjoying each other's company. Went to bed and wound up watching another movie in bed together. All the while, no texting or Facebooking. I don't know if my DBing is working or she just wanted some real human company. Either way, progress. Also made mention that she wanted to get up today and "get some things done around the house." Remarkable. I know it sounds trivial to some, but small victories like these are what keeps my hopes up for us. I just keep concentrating on myself and my kids. Not that hard today to put on the happy face and try to be desirable.

That sounds like a great night to me. I would love to get the chance to be around my W like that at this point. I'm sure you know not to get too excited over it though. If your W is like mine every day is a change. Just enjoy the time together and dont read to much into it. It is good that she is showing some interest like that though.

I try not to show any excitement about her actions good or bad. I hate to act indifferent, but I have read way too much about detachment. It's the only way I can stay sane. It was really nice to spend quality time just the two of us. Who knows what tomorrow brings...

Exactly. I'm in the same boat right now. I know how confused my W is as she puts it, and staying even keel is the only thing that has help me get mentally stable again. Some times are harder than others depending on her actions, but I never thought I could feel this much better from a month ago. Good luck.