Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Since you went away....

"And now all of a sudden it turns out she has been desperately unhappy and unloved and emotionally abused for the past 20 years!?"

Amazing how easily history can be re-written. They should really be given Oscars for how well they acted all those years. I feel sorry that they were so inauthentic. All the false relationships. All the masks. I guess it takes a lot to know yourself. It all definitely makes one question what is real.

ETC

Dang, I have to hand it to you RL for keeping your cool when learning of and hearing all about GF's MLC antics. I think I'd have snapped on her.

I'm glad you had a good time on your vacation!

You're right, never even thought about that, best just to validate and offer an ear where you can.

Keep having fun......no matter what you're there for you.

So happy for you you're having a god time

I'd hoped that you'd be able to stay away from all the mlc mess while you were gone, but I guess it's everywhere.

Maybe it was good though because you had a chance to get more of an "insider" perspective on it. And since it doesn't affect you personally you were able to see when she was clearly rewriting history.

Sounds like you're having fun. Have a great time at the db get together. I'd love to be able to meet up with all of you in person.

Agreed. That insider perspective is priceless. I know for me it has helped me greatly. I don't wish it on anyone, but for some it does kind of make sense in a way. Seems needed almost. Kind of painful to watch them and how lost and clueless they can be about things outside their blinders. After watching my ex for that (now I see it as brief period of time I was watching ) I am often reminded by others of the pain and suffering they put themselves through while they continue to hurt others and themselves. Kind of like watching a sun struck cow keep bumping into the fence and being upset that their head hurts... Sad and seemingly easily avoidable yet, not.

Enjoy the trip while you're there. Say hi to the queen for me should you pop by.

Peace,
AJ

hey hi-

yikes linda, what a trip- up - down - woo hoo is rite!!!

LOOK AT YOUR E-MAILS - I HAVE a problem with our plans- it's been a giant firestorm of crappola here.


glad you loved it all- i do really love England. If i had to have a fantasy it would be going there to live somewhere in a charming village - filled with charming quirky people (all normal please - like a sit com thanks) and live happily ever after in a land where people think it's big fun to walk, garden, knit, eat pastries made with real cream- dip everything sweet into some more real cream - and drink tea and scones, etc.

old old time values in an old time charming place. oh well- i guess that ship has sailed for our universe at present. tho- since i'm 62 and not likely to live more than another 20 r 30 years (if lucky) maybe i can find my own little niche and make it so. who says i have to dive in and become what society demands i become - a robot hooked to computers & PART OF the whole technology thing. i look at crazy sister, & H and think if this is what people are that do- i do not want it at all. total inability to deal with real people and real life in a productive way.

who knows, maybe some how a pendulum will swing back and people will ditch technology in favor of people again - sometime. (one can hope - rite??)


All i can say about your friend turning out to be in mlc is Geeeeez. what a drag for you. i do not think i could muster the non-judgementalness required to be validating.

i'd probably just say the wrong thing and end up on the street.

SHEESH- CAN YOU tell i've been blasted by psycho sister yet again day or so ago??? - and am beginning to actually fear opening my mouth here??? between good old toxic mom and this woman & her h who feel free to totally let loose with their bully/terrorist m.o. in life. i am continually "looking over my shoulder" for an attack from somewhere. it's very icky- poor poor people in war-torn countries being bombed for real. i cannot imagine the stress.

she wrote yesterday to ask me to (???) (what planet is she from???) take a Landmark seminar and she'd pay for it. she and h have attended many. it's a cult/pyramid kind of thing where they lock you in a room and you all spill your guts- can't go to the bathroom- have someone tell you to call up everyone you can't function with and ask what they think of you- and TA DA - FIXES UP YOUR PSYCHOSIS KA BAM. (I hate to tell her- it has not done one thing for her or her husband. they are bullies who feel free to let loose and blast anyone getting in their way- wow- GREAT RECOMMENDATION FOR THIS SEMINAR HUH???!!!) i sure wish i'd had presence of mind to tell her h to go meditate on it - when he was screaming his guts out and telling me i'm "horrible person & daughter" . uh hem - not very buddha-like huh???

HOW CAN this woman NOT SEE that it is she and her husband that require psychological counseling- anger management counseling- good manners - human compassion/empathy and to quit judging & screaming and normal-up a bit here.????

i am totally amazed at people's ability to exist with nary a clue as to their own behavior. seems like my life is absolutely loaded with people here who are sooooo busy judging everyone else they have not got one single shred of self-awareness - at all.

people who i thought were "normal" for past 40-50 years - who seemed to have average intelligence and no particular psychosis. see- leaving me thinking maybe it's me that is nuts. if i've been "wrong" about every single person almost in my life-

I am trying to resist the notion that i am some kind of catalyst that exudes bad vibes and elicits the sort of negativeism that is emanating from then right onto my head & surrounding me in life.

Honestly- it sounds sooooo dopey to me- it is such a gut-ache kind of thing around here- the hate & dissention - this stinking sitch & on top of it all - having to be expecting any minute to have some truly venomous jacka$$ let loose on me. i feel "under threat" - it's wacky to say out loud- but it's true. feels like "danger will robinson" (like that cadet?)

idk- having many many fantasies lately about running away again.

YOUR BRITISH FRIEND - I WOULD say yikes about her and her feelings and sitch. she sounds like she's wacky just like our h's. when you were saying for years she's been pretty happy and normal and all of a sudden- SHE'S BEEN MISERAble forever. oh man- if that aint mlc i don't know what is.

i guess - realistically- when bad things or big changes happen in life - it taxes a person's coping skills - and the weak fall apart (somewhat). that's all i can figure.

my h- i believe , rewrote his history with me to accomodate his NEEEEED (apparently) for some kind of fun adventure-mystery-sex-life that didn't have day-to-day demands, and was totally fun. (f him btw) our life & i may have been(be) tooooo much "ho hum" & "real life" for him- But it's his problem really. we all are who we are- living our lives & getting by best we can. me too -

idk if he'll ever regain his old brain- or if it was EVER there. sooooo much awful drama going on here this past year- i cannot even hardly worry about it rite now. i'm off the job. i am just goin on about my life - i just want NO DRAMA no mo.

my dopey sister kept saying she "was sick of the drama" other day- I kept agreeing- thinking she was talking about everyone else and herself- dopey me- SHE WAS MEANING ME!!! WHEN she went "off" and began screaming for ten or so min. solidly- then ran out of the house (literally) i was surprised. who me??? like, wtf? i'm sitting at kitchen table not talking til she asked my input about something- told me i was wrong and blew a gut.... no kidding. i'm not sure what exactly lit the fuse- i guess any word from me other than "yes maam" is not permissible.

i'm not sure honestly where i'll land in this matter (mlc).

as weekend comes and h is probablylicking his chops thinking of visiting ow) (and i anticipate it (rightly or wrongly) in the back of my mind- and kind of "hate" him for it all -

OH YEAH- YOUR H AND GOING TO SOME DENTAL SCHOOL IN RUSSIA THT GIVES SOMETHING FOR FREE FOR VODKA- they're 'PRACTICING' on people for cripes sake!!! i'd like to see the waiver of responsibility he signs for this. soooo- his head explodes as a result and he's , what???, going to sue a dr in stinkin Russia if anything goes wrong. what planet could he be on to indulge in this fantasy? i'm sorry for you and i hope surely that it all goes well for him. i'm sure rt is on his sholder (like the harpy she is) and he is unable to even think , much less e-mail you. sounds like she's the type to be rite there watching him and sitting on his shoulder like an evil vulture.
not to mention pain- never heard of any oral surgery that didn't involve quite alot- there in your stinkin head....

geeeez -

it's quite alot to even think of just "forgive & forget" - ing isn't it? this mlc drama/trauma in our lives. so much pain- so much time - such a waste- maybe a "wasted" entire lifetime fir ne - who knows. (i'm kind of peaceful tho this a.m. in my quandry/mlc-wracked life) back to at peace with my current position of okay with not deciding or doing anything in particular but going about my life as i normally would - no matter what is going on- this is who i am- this kind of life & lifestyle. I garden, visit, paint this or that, fiddle around, like work again, like people, hate whole sitch w/mom (& know it will never be anything differnt) etc.

only thing i'd really like is a big old trip like we used to make - but i don't even think it would be as much fun or as restorative as it used to be unless it was with h and was "back to normal". that may never be possibility. i get it. that portion of my life (i guess) is gone forever.

maybe i'm not ever going to be gracious enough here. oh well- gonna go clip junk in garden and continue tidying. the visit (if you guys come) still is inspiring me to get a bit serioys around here and de-junk a bit- it's a good thing.

i'm outta here. glad your trip was good- sorry for the addl mlc crappola. even if it's "on the other side of it" who the heck wants it in your vacation. i'd have hoped for total peace & commraderie with no emotional "junk". oh well huh?

peple? go figure.

xxoo hope return trip is good & you're good.

Sorry to jump in, but Nero's comment about here quaint English village made me lol.

I live in what many would consider to be just that, and to the outside world it must seem idyllic. Unfortunately, it isn't quite so... We have lived here 6 years. The couple in the house before us left to go there separate ways, and along with us, I can count at least four other couples who have gone through breakups. At least three MLC's. The majority of the rest are just waiting for God.

I think part of the problem of being "in the know" regarding MLC is you suddenly have a greater realisation in what is going on with others - the signs and comments - scary really.

The cream teas are great though.

hey hi-

are ya in england??? love cream & pastry & big bloppie fries too. (well, chips)

someone earlier was saying about "seeing dead" allover the place- i agree too. knowing the signs - now every time i look at or listen to anyone almost- i am suspicious.

as blind and trusting as i was before (total total total) i'm that skeptical now.

no one is "safe" from me. i don't say it- i do think it tho.

it's awful.

making me think of a proverb i know - something like" the real problem with being a liar is not that people don't believe you- it's that you don't believe anyone else ".

well, i don't see how that DOES apply to us- just i guess perspective is everything.

now that i realize i should have been skeptical- i can't seem to turn it off and be blind and happy again.

oh well huh? my hometown was small- when i lfet at 24 i thought everyone knowing my business was a pain in the neck (now that i thnk of it). it does seem dandy from a distance tho?
i sure do embrace a rather simple life.

sorry about your town- it's the problem with fantasies, isn't it? they are just that- fantastic and not real.

it's the problem with problems - no good running away anywhere - they just follow ya til you get them in a place you can deal with or stare them down or whatever.

gotta just "take care of business" before you're free of it- oh well- this being an adult is a pain in the neck too.

i need to eat more cake in life
xxo

Nero,

I live in an English village. Walk, garden, and eat pastries with cream and chips. Cannot knit.

The problem with fantasies is the line between RL and fantasy. That line has become so blurred with my ex that he cant tell the difference anymore. he is running so hard, but fails to see that the problem is him. My problem is dealing with the fall out of his fantasy.

Bring on the cake...

Rosa - I hope you enjoyed your time in the UK. I'm so sorry that you got caught up in your friends problems. I have made two long haul trips to stay with friends in the past, and on both occasions their lives seemed to take over the vacation. At least it gave you some distractions, and some sight-seeing.
Have you now recovered from your eye surgery?

Linda,

Sounds like you had a brilliant time in Merry Ole England!

I very much believe that things happen for a reason. And I believe you were meant to go on your trip and witness your friend's MLC antics. She allowed you such an intimate glimpse into their screwed up heads.

But I bet you will be glad to be back in your own bed!

Glad that H has been texting you. Appears he has lasted a week. Let's see if he lasts the month. If I was him I would not only bring the bottle of vodka for the dentist but one for himself as well!

Hope you took tons of pics!!