Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Pregnant h wants a divorce after deployment

The reason why I think the third option is because every time I mention going back to work sooner than later, he says something negative about it. He doesn't want me to work until the baby is 2. Well, Sherlock, your income will not support yourself, your other kid from your other failed marriage and the three of us, if I don't work.

Hi Preggo, sorry to hear of your latest developments but sometimes you have to do what makes you feel sane. I completely understand it. It may, and that's a questionable may, make him wake up and see what he is losing. I hope that's the case.

Hang tough.

All right, I don't know if this is DBing at all! but I will share, anyway.

I told H a lot of truths about what he is doing. I don't want to write it all again because this is exhausting, but we went back and forth about why we should split now as opposed to later.

He finally sat in front of me and said, a part of me still loves you, but you would never forgive me. How can I face your parents and your friends?

I said, you know what I keep hoping for? That you will reach for my hand, or give me a hug, or just rub my back willingly. That would start the healing process for me.

When I said that, he started sobbing uncontrollably and said he didn't deserve me. Then he asked if we could see the counselor again.

So that's that. He went upstairs to paint. Said it relaxes him.

Preggo, despite how stressful that was it actually sounds quite positive.

I think maybe the fact that he has been willing to go to counseling still shows there is something there. And he has heard what you said tonight, because the counselors enforced what you said. It seriously sounds like a turning point. However, if you don't see positives right away don't get touchy again. He may need LOTS of time to sort through his feelings and what he has done. Take it slooooow. If you can

Pudmuddle, I know what you mean. Thinks are so awkward now that I don't even want to go downstairs.

Like, his feelings seem so raw, I'm almost afraid id scare him with anything.

While sobbing, he kept saying, I'm so confused, I'm so confused, I don't know why I did what I did. It's not your fault, etc etc.

Anyway, I was playing with S1 and he yelled hey babe! I was like, did he just say babe??? That's how he called me and lately he was calling me by my first name.

I went upstairs and he just wanted to show me how our room looked with the new paint. It looks amazing and I kept saying so. I can't believe he did it all in one afternoon.

Then he kept making decorative plans to put a lamp here and curtains there and saying a lot of "we"

We went downstairs and he was acting very very sad and quiet. I rubbed his back while we watched modern family. He didn't move to make me stop. He kept dabbing at tears.

I called my W "babe" a couple of times the other day without thinking, and she just came - a few weeks ago, she would've said "don't call me that" - so from the other side, take that as a positive!

Also, you said some pretty great stuff I'm sure, judging by his reaction. It appears to me that he's really trying to win back YOUR affection with the painting and fixing up. You did exactly the right thing by saying it looked amazing.

I would lay way off the "hard talk" now. You've said it, he knows it, it doesn't really need to be hammered into his head. H is very obviously confused beyond words; I get it, my W is the same way.

By the way, it kinda makes me chuckle because your topic 'Pregnant H' always makes me think your H is pregnant.

Bahahahaha pregnant H. That's hilarious! I must have been pretty upset when I came up with the title because I don't even get what I was trying to say.

H and I just watched some tv and before I came to bed I reached out and gave him a bunch of kisses on the neck. He didn't stop me. He doesn't reach out for me yet, but he doesn't seem to mind when I touch him. For some reason, when I mentioned that I have been craving touching him, this made him more emotional than anything. Wonder why?

I guess I've been bling to my own 180 and "doing what works." Everyone's 180 is not pursuing physically, but in my case, that's the one thing I didn't do much, the thing he always wanted more of, and this is one aspect that always worked with H. He loves any kind of touch.

Thank you, Gabbysmom. I agree that I need to focus on me and the little guys. It's hard, though. My mind is my worst enemy. I can't let this go.

I keep thinking of how messed up H's priorities are and it makes me SO angry. I know this is not healthy for me because sometimes I catch myself having those angry thoughts while driving and I speed without even noticing. I also catch myself mumbling to my own self. I'm nearly crazy right now.

It's been an uneventful morning thus far. H is finishing painting the corners and edges of the room, so he has been there all morning while I went grocery shopping.

When S1 woke up this morning, H went to get him and made sure to not make too much noise as not to wake me up (I was awake, though) so that was kind of him, but when we sat on the couch, he sat far away.

I guess that's a trait of WAS? One moment they want to be close and the next they withdraw?

Uneventful day so far. H has been painting and touching up all day. It's 5:30 in the evening and he is still working on it. He gets in a bad mood and cusses a lot.

I usually bug him to abandon house projects and hang out with us. I just took S1 to play by myself. I also made H's favorite meal (his request) and got his favorite ice cream.

Been reading "His needs, her needs" and have figured out that I haven't been the most pleasant person to be around in the past year or so. I complained a lot about my end of things and can see how that turned him off and made him feel powerless to make me happy. I'm not saying that he is perfect, but I can see how I could have contributed for him to go look for a more pleasant interaction (friendship) outside our marriage.

New goal: stop complaining